Holidays!!

Well, the past couple of weeks have been really busy, with some personal issues and Christmas, we have been just exhausted almost every day. But Christmas yesterday was a lot of fun, most of family around, just had a great time with everyone.

Our FLR has simmered down. I don't like saying it but for the first time in a long while I just haven't felt submissive. So I haven't really shown her any "respect" as it were. I do still try to do most of the things that are just helpful from one spouse to another and I don't think she has felt any reduction of help. But the emotional end where I usually make a point of showing my allegiance every day just hasn't been there. And it apparently doesn't matter to her. She has yet to assert herself when I do not act like I should. And of late, what is wierd is I haven't cared if she did or not. So I wonder if when things settle down she will ramp up her expectations of me back to where it was or if I will just go back to it myself. My guess is the latter. I don't think my submissive light went out. It just went way down. But I feel it is getting brighter again. And she has been buried with work and Christmas and such. So it is not fair for me to point the finger at her, which I am not. Sometimes I feel dumb ramping up my submissiveness to her when she doesn't extract it. But I think that will happen before she decides to assert herself and reclaim her position of authority. I think it is who I am.....

still moving

Yes I am still around. We have had a real busy couple of weeks. I do have some ebb and flow with my day to day submission but I never think that I will ever revert back to not being a submissive guy. I think it is part of who I am and I suppose it is about how much my wife wants to draw that out of me is the speed we go. She is not into correcting or polishing or leading my submissiveness to suit her. She just kind of goes with the flow, it is something I have to get used to. I want to be her helpmate, to make her the focus of our relationship, even to others.

No girls nights of late.

I find it is hard to think up things to say on this blog. I check it daily for comments and keep up with other blogs and enjoy reading and learning from them.

So if there is a topic you want me to share my thoughts let me know. I would love to be consisitent on journaling but run out of things worthy enough to spend the time her to document.

So, suggestions from Ladies or men for topics?

Worlds Wierdest Husband?

We live in an area where kids are not going to come to our door on Halloween. This Halloween was a Friday night. She came home from work wondering what we were going to do. I said, I don’t care, whatever you want. She said she was kind of tired and wouldn’t mind just staying home. I mentioned, why don’t we just have a “girls night” in, we can get some wine, rent “Sex in the City”, put on some sexy lingerie and perfume and lay on the couch.”

She said okay (gulp…..she did?)

So we went out, got the movie and wine and snacks and came back. The whole time I was wondering how far she wanted to go. I do not wear ladies panties because she has not bought any for me or instructed me to do so, so I am not. But I do have some nice silky boxers that when I did buy I said to her was the most feminine thing I could find and she likes. So on with those, she puts on nice nightgown and she did allow me to put on her perfume but no lipstick. And so, we had a nice time, watched the movie, talked. It really allows my feminine side to come out when I am wearing something feminine. I don’t know why I like it though I do. I tried to act like two girlfriends watching a movie and did without being too far over the top.

Speaking only for myself, but knowing I am not alone, my fascination with the Feminine is not a kink, or a come-on, or something I do solely to get aroused (though I do). To the extent that I am able to indulge, I do so because it really "calls out" the softer, feminine side, and make it more comfortable and appropriate for "softer" behavior.

All men, in varying degrees, have estrogen in their systems; all women, to varying degrees, have testosterone. Society presses us into a forced choice of typical male or typical female - when, in fact, there are so many degrees of each between the polarities. It seems it is easier to be softer, less belligerent, more caring, more feeling, more submissive when wearing something so intimately feminine. So it seems it "draw out" the feminine rather than “to put it on.”

It is interesting to note the unfairness that women can wear about anything they like, masculine or feminine, while men are sentenced to a very limited range.

This draw to the feminine side has been an almost debilitating struggle for me since adolescence; feeling drawn to the Feminine Side of the Force and yet being burdened with the alpha male expectations.

[As in: am I gay, am I bi, am I a pervert, am I going insane....?]

I can still be Alpha Male in certain situations and as a submissive to my wife. I do not want her to become an Alpha Male either. I just think it is not necessary to have an Alpha Male personality in either one of us all the time. Sometimes being girlfriends is nice?

Times are different. Our son comes home from girlfriend with toenails painted, mascara on eyes. He inherited my gene it looks like big time and somehow it is not perceived as being as weird with today’s generation. I actually envied him that he had a girl that would engage in that fun, until I realized we as parents are not happy with the relationship he and this girl have on many other levels. He may be submissive but I don’t think he understands the dynamics of a “Loving Female Relationship” that I do as an older man. One who has it in proper perspective and whose wife does too. He is just “whipped” and doesn’t understand the why, just I think that he likes being “whipped.”

Only in recent years have I “given myself permission” [in therapy-speak] to examine, accept and embrace the inherent femininity of my psyche, of my personality. And to a much lesser extent, my wife allows it as well. She accepts this somewhat, though I don’t think she understands it at all. But she is open and realizes that both sexes have behaviors that are just foreign to the other. So for our “girl’s nights” she does what she can to indulge without getting to creeped out.

However, that I try to fully embrace my feminine urges, albeit discreetly and covertly is no more a matter of 'personal choice' than being an American or a Red Sox fan, it just is what it is, I didn’t create it, it just came with me out of the womb. My indulging in the feminine [not effeminate] is just the way I am. And to have a wife that understands, at least to some extent, is really nice. I don’t think she wants to overtly make me do overly feminine things, though I would, the humiliation of it with her would certainly feed my submissive side.

But I can’t push. I am so grateful she at least talks about it without screaming to the world......................... “I have the world’s weirdest husband!”

A New 'Do

She had an interview for a new job. Also for the past three weeks we have been looking at internet for a new style for her. I have always been very possesive about her hair. Some men are leg guys, boob guys, butt guys.......I'm a hair guy, just love it.

So before she started looking she was actually looking by herself. I asked if I could help and we discussed how in the past she has felt pressured by me when it came to her hair. I asked her to give me a chance. So it became our project and we printed off possibilities and chatted and couldnt find exactly what she was looking for. So one day last week she emailed me and said that a girl at work came in with something exactly what she wanted. I asked if I could come by and look, but then just said, no reason for me to, if it is what you want, I don't have to see it. After all it is all about you. I think that was a big step, but it really was easy for me, but to her I think it showed more of the depth of my service to her.

So, she actually had a family member come to the house to do it. I was trying not to be too overboard by gawking, so I was just cutting my eyes her way as it was getting done. She would look at me directly with her beautiful eyes boring right at me. She knew I was going crazy and I think she smirked a couple of times at my discomfort. But I stayed in the background. I wanted the focus to be on her and not me. When all said and done, a lot shorter but so, so sexy. She even asked me in while cutting for some advise.

I thanked her later for letting me be a part of it. She thanked me for not going overboard. It was wonderful. Most nights when she gets her hair done we have exciting sex. That night was no different. She actually was in the lead for the session, had me lay down on stomach and wouldnt let me touch her as she moved all over me. I was in such subspace as I have heard it described. Almost in a trance, in a zone, nothing but her was going on. She even blindfolded me and took me from behind which is something she has done before but didnt seem to enjoy it. This time she seemed to enjoy it though I am not really sure but am not going to ask, but hope so. It was rewarding to be taken. She took her time and even pounded me pretty good near the end.

So we are definitely a Female Led Marriage and I am so happy. Not because of the kink above but I think she is realizing that it is good for us. I try real hard not to make it work for her and for her to see that the advantages for her to expect my obedience is an asset to her. I think she is getting more and more comfortable and is starting to enjoy it. It seems to much less work on her part than I think she initially thought it would be and she is allowing herself to direct me in more ways as to what she wants. It feels good to serve. It feels good to be accountable for my service. It feels good to be expected to serve. It would feel good to be punished actually if I did not meet expectations, but not sure we are there yet. But the intimacy we now share is so deep, so loving, so sincere that I truly consider myself the luckiest guy in the world. I hope she considers herself the luckiest girl in the world too!

We had a "girls night in" the other night. I'll tell you about that later.

Does She or doesn't She?

A question posed by a commenter asked if my Wife was aware of my blog. The answer is yes, she is aware and does stay current and reads it.

She has a blog of her own that She just started that is listed to the right titled "The Mask." In talking we decided that it might be good for Her to start one of Her own and that perhaps people could make comments as She is learning to grow as My Dom as I learn to grow as Her sub.

In fact She has posed a question in Her blog that I think it interesting to all in a FLM. She even asked me if I was disappointed in Her post. The answer is no. I am not sure She is fully aware yet that my desire it to serve Her completely. But, and I may be wrong, I still think She equates the the "kinky sex" with too much weight. I do wish She would exhibit more dominant behaviour but 90% has nothing to do with sex. It has to do with accepting my gift of submission, requiring my obedience and expecting and correcting behaviour that is not acceptable. None of that includes sex. It is a need to serve, a need to put Her on a pedastal and for Her to comfortably accept, enjoy and require that I provide that in a fashion that is pleasurable to Her, correcting and guiding me as we go. I am not asking for role play. I want it real. She has so much charisma and instincts but for some reason I must seem to stifle it when all I want is for it to emerge fully and naturally and for me to be a helper if necessary in Her feeling comfortable enough to do that.

In writing this blog, it is wierd. I want to be able to write just whatever is in my head, the good, bad and ugly. But the risk is that with Her reading and staying current with this blog and it dovetailing with Her blog, it appears that I am trying to script the whole thing. I am not, I really believe that.

But it is a fine line to write what you are feeling about the one you love in a fashion of free, anonymous type expression but to also know they are reading it. I have come to the conclusion that as my Dominant partner, I will just write it with my heart and let the chips fall where they may. This is a situation, though I didn't think of it this way exactly in regards to blogging, that I considered before I approached Her with the thoughts on my being submissive to Her. I knew that there would be some situations where I would have to be totally transparent even if She were to see the transparency.

So I will continue writing the blog with the intent of just writing my heartfelt opinions in a quasi anonymous fashion without trying to clandestinely prompting Her specific Dominant behaviour.

Kind of tough. I am not ashamed to be transparent to Her even though I would not tell anyone in the entire world, but Her, what is deep within me. I love Her and divulging yourself entirely is something I guess which is a catch-22 in love, you want to but at the same time you are scared to.

Hey we are communicating, that must be a good thing.......( I HOPE)

to flirt or not to flirt

The other night in conversation She mentioned that in a weird way She was feeling giddy because at work a client made a comment about how She was very attractive. Now I say that all the time but of course when coming from someone else if feels different, kind of taboo, exciting, after all She is a happily married woman. The thing of it is, She is gorgeous, She has the good fortune of having terrific genes. She is 45 and looks 30, really, she will attest to this and it is true. So people comment. If truth be told, She is probably hit on all the time and has been for a long time. But as the dutiful Southern Lady She is, She does not want to lead anyone on, send the wrong message and Lord have mercy……not send the wrong message to other Ladies (side note, I have found that the competition between Women far exceeds anything guys ever compete in, and woe be to the Woman who uses her physical attributes for personal gain or pleasure.) It is against the “code” of Women to use something as esoteric as looks to advance in front of other Women. Sometimes it seems the most beautiful Women can be the ones so messed up in the head because it seems they are their whole lives trying not to be a “cheap” girl and use or have fun with something that they have no control over and something that automatically puts them at the head of the line, being pretty.

Some women find their powers of attraction unsettling, even unwanted. They tend to keep the lid on their magnetism for good reason. One is obligation, “if I return the volley then it will seem like I am forward and I don’t want to offend him.” Or “if I respond he will think I want to sleep with him.” Women are raised to believe that the sexy part of themselves is wrong or bad, not the essence of their nature, that that their personal charms are for the use of men and not for their own pleasure and entertainment.

The fact is that flirtation is all about having fun. The goal is to amuse yourself which naturally lightens the atmosphere for everyone. The gift of flirting leaves the giver refreshed and the receiver enhanced. The thing is the Woman holds all the cards anyway. They control the game. They really are the hunters, not the hunted, even when they make it look the other way around. And every guy knows this and is spellbound by a Lady who is in control. A flirting situation never goes further than the Lady will allow, because again, She holds all the cards.

So we chatted, She said She is always uncomfortable, other than a cursory “thank you” which is polite, She never does anything else. She doesn’t know if it is “cheating” on me to innocently flirt. I told her that I just want her to feel good and if something were to bother me I would let her know. She also said that when we are together it can be weird because She doesn’t want to embarrass me. I also said I can take care of myself and if someone goes too far, to the point of disrespecting me, that I can take care of things between the offending dude and me.

As a submissive, it is for whatever reason intoxicating to be in the presence of a Woman who is using her feminine aura and further to know that that Woman owns me and that She is the focus of our relationship, that Her pleasure is my main goal in life. The magnetism and charm that others are so drawn to ultimately belongs to me but if it pleases Her to express it, it pleases me She is happy.

But, as I said to Her, if it is uncomfortable, don’t do it. Nothing should have to be contrived, that is what sends out wrong messages.

Do any other Ladies want to comment? Is flirting wrong? At what point does it go too far? Does flirting in the presence of your submissive husband enhance or detract from your relationship? Feel free to respond!!

Paid for by the submissive fellow who is owned by The Mask. I am John Smith and I approved this message. (political commercial attempt at humor, less than a week to go before the end of the nonsense)

TMI Tuesday

TMI Tuesday - Firsts

This should be interesting...
1. Who and when was your first crush?
Jenny, 8th grade cheerleader. Somehow she got into a pinch and lost her locker and I offered for her to share mine. She accepted and all year we shared the same locker. By inference it meant we were going together but of course it wasn’t true. She was beautiful with and air of superiority about her, but she was always very nice to me. I think she sensed that I was no threat. I was her “locker boy” I think, kind of her servant. I know, a foreshadowing of things to come.

2. Who and when was your first date?
11th grade, took a girl to a concert in an auditorium that held 8,000 and my mother and brother went to same concert and actually sat five rows back in same section.

3. Who and when was your first kiss?
Melissa, 8th grade Science Lab. I don’t know how I scored but we were alone in the lab and she gave me a long, wet, sultry French kiss. Science was last class of day and I rode my bike home. I tasted her lipstick for hours and literally had a woody for the entire afternoon and evening.

4. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in car?
With the coolest of moves, somehow I convinced Holly to go to the car with me while at the club one day. She wanted to go I am pretty sure but she needed me to lead the action, but I was waiting for her and I was terrified. I really wanted to make out with her and I think she wanted too also. Hindsight says I should have just gently taken her hand, looked into her eyes and slowly moved in and I think it would have been a nice time for both. But I kept asking permission and she kept avoiding saying yes but she wasn’t saying no. She wanted me to make the move. Again the submissive in me I suppose. But after about 30 minutes of stupid babble talk on my part, we left the car. I think she could obviously tell I was mortified but I think she thought it kind of cute and didn’t “out” me to everyone about not scoring. But my “crew” knew where I was and when I got back up with them they quizzed me. Though I did not say what we did or didn’t do, by my silent answers to their direct questions, they inferred that I had gotten some. So, I was awarded the “dude who scored” award although they had no idea I struck out looking. But, hey, you take the credit where you can, it is the guys credo. But I felt bad for Holly though it never got back to her.

5. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in a house?
My wife before we were married. She was the “experienced” one and she led the action. Isn’t that special (spoken like Dana Carvey’s Church Lady)

6. Who and when was your first love?My wife after the second go around. I was a jock, played every sport and I think I used that to insulate me from girls, since I was terrified of them but also in awe of them. Looking back there were quite a few young ladies that would have accepted my advances but I couldn’t muster the courage. When my wife and I got together, once she led the romance end of it, I felt a deep connection, really a longing to serve though I didn’t know it at the time and have been smitten with her for 25 years. Kind of funny, she was the one who led the early action, kind of a foreshadowing to our FLR in my mind though it was years before we pieced together the roles.

Bonus: Who's blog did you first comment on?
I don’t know, don’t comment much and can’t remember.

What me? I am never bitchy.

One of the things that seems to be a challenge is the notion of the Dominant Wife expressing displeasure with her sub husband. I know my wife thinks that if I screw up or show her improper respect, she is not going to go overboard and make a big deal about it, after all, "she is not my mother and I am a grown man," she has said.

Of course I know that she is not my mother, I do not want her to be my mother. However, I do want her to expect and require my respect and sometimes that requires her input. Last week, for some reason, probably because I felt she was not engaged enough, I sunk into a "non-submissive, I only care about me" funk. For about two days I was surly, was not proactive in meeting her needs, was just being a bitch really. I remember one evening she was working on computer and I went in and made myself dinner and went and sat down to watch tv and eat. She asked me if I made her any or left her some and I said, "nope, all gone." This type of behavior went on for a couple of days. I wasn't testing her to see if I could get a response. Though in some stupid way I wanted to see how she would react to "the old me." I have asked for a weekly discipline session so maybe she will enact that and it will be dealt with then. But we haven't gotten to that weekly thing yet. So in my mind I wasn't testing but I was observing her response. I know, probably not really a distinction, but in my warped noodle it was.

Secretly I did wish she would have a belly full and take me to the woodshed and let me have it with the paddle. But not only is she hesitant with the paddle nowadays, she also didn't do anything. To me she just let it run its course and I was back on track a couple of days later because I just can't go too long without submitting to her, she has my number and I am so smitten with her I can't stay too long away from her umbrella of covering.

We talked about it later. She said she did tell me she was displeased but I said to her, I don't remember at all. She sometimes thinks that a comment with no urgency or steam given by her equals a greater intensity when I hear it. It doesn't. If she says she expressed her displeasure with me I am not doubting it, I just never heard it, it was never conveyed to me in a way I remember.

Which brings me to a post by another blogger titled "Bitch Mistress." I think it shows how the submissive mind works to a certain degree. As submissives, we do need a "Bitch Mistress" to deal with us when we are "Bitchy Submissives." Sometimes we are so deep in our funk, we need a loud definitive reminder, so loud it shakes us.

One of the things I would tell any women in a 'fem/dom' relationship is sometimes you need to be the bitch mistress. There are times when a man needs a boss lady that can verbally or physically put him in his place. It is good for him. One of John's responsibilities is the care and maintenance of my closet. That includes picking up my clothes, washing, and ironing, and making sure that my shoes are clean and polished. Having John take care of my clothing is one of the little luxuries I have come to enjoy. However, when I pick up a pair of shoes, I expect them to be clean. Picking up a pair of dusty shoes would not make me happy. John would hear about it in a negative way. The truth is that men need to know you are watching them, and you expect a certain level of service AND RESPECT. From what I have seen that type of strong feedback is important to the submissive man. It may be humiliating for him, but it is not cruel. It is what he needs.

I added the respect thing in her quote because I believe a submissive man should also always speak and act with respect to his Mistress and when he doesnt she should correct him. I like asking her "May I.." when asking for somethings. To me it is honorable and respectful and I want my submission to be worthy. There is another quote below from a Lady on the link list that sees it the same way.

First and foremost is the use of the question "May I……" I can be in a room of 50 people and my ears will bring my attention right to the man who utters these words. These are the two words in the English language that speak more to a Dominate woman than any other. May I get you a chair, May I get you a drink, May I get your jacket…and so on. There is no better way to show the female of your dreams respect then to use these words..
As simple as they may sound the words "May I…" carry a deep history for all of us. We were taught at a very early age to respect our elders and use these very words. I can remember as a little girl asking my grandmother for a piece of candy and being corrected more than once that it's not "Can I have a piece of candy" because I can have or do anything. It was "May I have a piece of candy" as this showed respect to those I was speaking to.
It is everywhere in our society but to me it never carries more meaning then when it comes from a lips of a male submissive. It is the ultimate in respect, reverence and concern. It is the way they half smile and bow their head knowing that unlike most, they are not just asking a question, but taking it upon themselves to realize their place. It pulls at my Dominate soul, it is the verbal equivalent of sitting at my feet in worship.

I am old school I guess. Love the protocol language.

Enough banter from me. I encourage comments from all as my wife does read this blog as well as has her own listed to the right.

Why would She do this?

The other night, as She allowed me to worship her body as she lay on her stomach, she asked me, "I read somewhere that a wife did not allow her husband to play golf on Saturday mornings, dont you think that is unreasonable?" I said no, if there is an arrangement where the husband submits to his wife, there is always the possibility that things like that can occur.

As a submissive, we know that we are guided and though we may not know the reason behind her instruction, we trust that she has a reason for it and must agree to her directive. "Why would a woman take away that outlet for her husband?" She asked. I don't know, maybe he has attached too much emphasis on it, perhaps she wants to assert her authority, perhaps she feels that golf and the time involved dilutes his service to her, I don't really know. I just know that to submit to someone and for that someone to accept the submission and leadership means that the submissive believes that she has the better good of him in her focus. And that better good may be to replace those activities with ones that she deems better for him.

In my opinion most woman would love for their guy to play golf regularly, the outlet with others is good and healthy. But if she chooses not to allow it, that is her perogative and he must obey.

I'm not sure why she asked me this, I don't play golf but a couple times a year nowadays. I am sure it is not about limiting my golfing. Probably a question more about the power exchange between a Dominant and Her submissive. Why would a Dominant Woman require that and why would a submissive man obey her.

Don't forget, her link is on my list to the right!

My Wife

My Wife now has opened her blog, it is called "The Mask." Why she chose that I am not sure. Perhaps you can ask.

She would love to have input from other Dominant Ladies who have loved men as their submissives. She still is trying to gain footing and trying to be Dominant to me without being too mean.

She doesn't understand it all, meaning me, not her. But she is receptive to trying to accomodate my needs while also gaining insight.

Drop by Her blog and make a comment and welcome her. She would love to meet all.

Herbuddy

Wednesday Weirdness

Wednesday Weirdness- Happy Birthday Edition

1. Is there a particular birthday that you are dreading (ex: 40th) why?
I don't dread birthdays, they come when they come. I do not like the number of the age I become each year because I still feel like I am 16 in a lot of ways and physically I don't feel like I am a broken down relic yet either. So my spirit age doesn't match up with the physical age.

2. What is your favorite birthday memory?
I really can't remember.

3. What was the best birthday present you ever received? The worst?
Again, nothing sticks out at me as any that were best or worst. Any gift means someone spent the time to do something and that means the most. I like giving so I like to make others feel good. My wife gave me a perfect card for my birthday a couple weeks ago. It said "I spent the whole day shopping to find something perfect for your birthday".........and on the inside it said, " and boy am I gonna look nice." That said it perfectly, I would rather she and I go shopping for her on my birthday. I am a kook.

4. Frosting roses: Love them or hate them?
Can live with or without them, no preference.

5. Do you like when people make a big deal out of your birthday, or do you prefer a quiet or no celebration?
If it is a big deal and it is focused strictly on me it is uncomfortable. If we are using my birthday as just an excuse to get everyone together without an inordinate focus on me, that is nice.

6. Surprise parties; Good or Evil?
Can live without it. Again, if it is for the purpose of just getting together or if the ones planning it get a nice feeling, great. But again, only if others feel good about it, I don't need it personally.

7. Bonus Question: Over at Casa ASM, it is traditional for the birthday boy or girl to get carte blanche in the bedroom that night. Who and/or what would you choose for birthday bedroom carte blanche?
Being the crazy submissive I am, I would love for my wife to use this opportunity to show her dominance on me. I would love to get some serious birthday spankings, have other crazy things done to me by her to reinforce her dominance and be put into serious subspace, while the whole while she is telling me that my gift is that she owns me and that I am lucky to have her as my Master.

Net result, for birthdays. an acknowledgement is nice but I would rather use the occasion to make others feel good.

TMI Tuesday

Okay, to try and be cool and also because I don't know what to write, I will do the TMI thing.

1. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed after a sexual experience? - No. All my sexual experiences have been consentual and have never felt guilty or ashamed.

2. Did you ever own a fake ID? - Never had too, have always looked older than I am. But, though never needed a fake ID, I have never been anywhere where I would need to.

3. How often do you tell white lies? Is it with or without thinking? - Yes, usually it is with thinking, not trying to hurt someones feelings

4. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you receive constructive criticism? - Depending on who is giving it. As I have become more mature though, I try to take the criticism and learn from it. So nowadays maybe a 6 or 7.

5. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair? - Yes. I like the feel personally. It would be so cool to be made to by your mate because that is what they prefer and they ask you too. My wife has never really seemed to care, though she does seem to like it maintained as opposed to just letting it go.

Bonus: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a “friends with benefits” relationship? How about men? - Probably less than 10% of women can do FWB if it is without mate. maybe more if consentual with mate. Men, probably more than 50% since sex generally doesn't hold the emotional significance for men. Personally, I couldn't do it without mate's knowledge, the breaking of trust and guilt would kill me internally. If consentual with mate or if decided one or the other has the agreed upon freedom, I could go with it.

Still Alive

Life has been busy, crazy things going on. We are still FLR and I personally am loving it. She is growing more comfortable as well. She realizes that by her being expectant it is pleasurable to me.

We had a talk and she has assigned items to me. She now no longer feels guilty is she gets up after dinner and leaves clean up for me. Some of items that are my responsibility are as follows:

- keep up with our laundry, drip dry her clothes except for jeans
- iron necessary clothes and keep her work clothes current
- keep up with daily and weekly chores that she has made a weekly list for me
- have 4 of 7 nightly meals prepared and ready to eat at 5:30.
- Be her Personal Secretary/Assistant, which means be available via email or phone call to accomplish items she assigns

- provide beverage of her choice available when she arrives from work with some music in background so she can sit down and unwind.
- each night before bed ask her is she wants lotion on her legs or feet applied by me
-ALWAYS ask her permission to sleep in HER bed each night.

She has also agreed to start her own blog, probably will not be too active, but she wishes to be able to direct me as well as be available to read comments from other Ladies (or guys) who enjoy having their husbands as their submissives. So please make comments here and I will link hers when she gets hers' going too.

I am happy, I am lucky and I want her to be just as happy.

:) Her buddy, Her helper, Her helpmate, Her assistant, Her househusband!!

Still here!!!

Wow, didn't realize it had been so long. I have noticed a few blogs going down because the fellas don't seem to be getting what they want. I have a theory that it is because they pressed too hard too fast. It is amazing to me how I can clearly see the benefits of FLR for the Lady, but somehow, it takes a while for the Lady to see it. For us, it took almost two years for Her to realize that my desire to submit was not entirely about the sex. I truly wanted to make Her happy and it took that long for Her to understand that by allowing me to submit to Her, it actually did make me happy.

For the most part, these two years of getting to where She is comfortable has been easy for me. My submission is not hard, I believe I am that innately so it has been more of a freedom for me to submit. The time it took for Her to see this and not be threatened, though I wish it would have come sooner, was not bad. To be able to give Her the necessary time to be comfortable is worth it. That is why I think some of the fellow blogger guys have missed the mark. Each Woman is different, but it takes time and when the Women feel pressured on a relationship ideal such as this, they retreat. Again, men and Women are different and relationship things to a Woman are incredibly important and just because I kept telling my Wife early on that She would enjoy FLR, She could not get over the hump until She had reconciled it for Herself in Her own time.

So, we are a full fledged FLR marriage. In fact, a month ago, out of the blue, She asked me if i wanted to do a formal agreement. i said yes. So we crafted up an agreement, did it between ourselves, at the end I knelt in front of Her and she placed a necklace on me as a symbol. Up to that time, I had told Her how important it was, for me anyway, to formalize it. She had felt uncomfortable with it, so i let it go. Then, surprise, surprise, She brought it up when I had no idea She was thinking about it. Now that we have done that, I no longer feel like it is an "on and off again" game for Her. It is concrete now, no ambiguity. And I am content and I believe She is too.

She is now reading some Mama Gena books. She is at the point of figuring out that the last 20 years have been about the kids and Her "wifely" function of standing behind Her man. Now She is finding out that seeking pleasure for Herself is not a selfish, uncaring motive but actually a worthwhile endeavor. When She is happy, She makes everyone around Her happy. She is a happiness magnet. And I am not just talking about immediate family. She can light up a coffee shop of patrons just by Her charisma.

That doesn't mean that every day is "over the top." In fact, most days are mundane. But it is like a screensaver on a computer. It is always running, most times in the background, but it can be brought forward.

I have asked Her if She is happy. She says She is. I asked Her what about our FLR makes Her happy. She said:

1. She loves the intimacy now. We talk alot and I no longer guard what i say, i am genuine, even when it reveals something less than ideal on my part.
2. She loves that i am Her number 1 cheerleader. She loves that i am genuinely happy when She succeeds at something and more so when i was able to help her.
3. She loves that sex now is not a "wifely duty." But one She is in charge. That doesn't mean that we have now unleashed a Tigress that has been dormant all these years. When in the mood, She has always been a Tigress. It just means that it no longer is a burden for Her.

There are more, I can't think of right now. But, net result, we are happy. This is not contrived, She is not faking it just to satisfy me. She is, each day, getting more comfortable in Her position in our Marriage. I wish She would exercise Her authority more, but it is okay, She is doing it now anyway and as time passes, it becomes easier for Her.

So, I do believe that it is possible for any couple to adopt this formally. I would have bet the farm that initially She never would have gone for this. But, all marriages have a game plan of some sort. This is just ours. It works because it values both of us and uses both of our individual talents to strengthen our relationship.

Ours is a success story. I will try and stay more current with the blog.

disappear?

I saw this on someone else blog and amended it slightly, but it is the best description I have seen as to how I feel sometimes.

And things have been stressful, as the windup to the holidays approaches. And we’ve been talking about just getting a hotel room the first day I’m in, ostensibly to make the next baby, but also to get some insanely hot examples of the Five Ps in — you remember, pegging, pleasure, pain, piss and prostration. And with all the stress in my life…

And with all of the stress in my life, I started thinking about what I want sometimes, and what I want is to disappear. I want to stop existing as me, and for a few hours or days just become “Mistress’ pet.” “Slave.” “Toy.” Whatever. I want to lose my name. I want to lose my place. I just want to be something that only exists to please her, to give her whatever she wants. I don’t want to think, unless it’s thinking about how to accomplish her latest order. I don’t want to worry about my needs, or my worries, or my own pleasure. I want to obliterate myself for a few hours and just be an extension of her.

It’s such an intense need, it carries me away. One of the things I need from our scenes is this…this…loss of self. When I get into the right head-space, I look at her and she’s the only thing in the room, she’s tall and powerful and imposing and I get weak in the knees when she crooks her finger at me or commands me in that strong voice that’s so different than the one she uses when we’re in public. She’s a goddess. She’s beautiful and cruel and kind and I don’t matter unless she decides I matter.

I get dizzy just thinking about her like that. The all-powerful light of my life, the bitch-queen-lover-wife-princess-angel. All these things, this bundle of people, and they’re all there in front of me, looking at me with hard and somehow kind eyes, a smile on her lips.

She does this thing: When I’m aroused, my penis is this center, this axis mundi. The feelings from my cock overwhelm the feelings everywhere else. And my wife will reach down and grab the thing with one hand or two hands and just squeeze it, and it’s painful and pleasurable but most of all its her controlling the most sensitive thing on my body. She’s its master. She can hurt it or give it pleasure, whichever she wants.

And that’s what I want — to be overwhelmed. To be taken. To be controlled. She gets pleasure out of spanking me, and so I want her to spank me. She gets pleasure out of making me give her oral, and so I want to be forced to my knees. She gets pleasure out of me fucking her, and so I want to just take her until she tells me to stop. She gets pleasure out of pegging me, so I want to take her cock orally as she calls me her bitch and then let her just turn me over do me. Her, her, her. I want to disappear, I want the scene to be about her. I don’t even want to come, unless she wants me to. I want it to last, I want her to tell me she has this hold on me, I want her to make me confess that She is my Goddess.

I know that a lot of the times, the scene isn’t about her. It’s about us. And I like that too. I like being able to ask for more cock or a different toy being used to hit me or for a clamp to be shifted. I like being able to suggest, humbly and respectfully of course, that she try this or that. But sometimes, this feeling overcomes me and I don’t want to be able to ask anything — I want to be swept the away and not have any say and any input and just be an empty vessel for her to fill with whatever she wants.

And right now I need this. I need her to evince this control over me, to dominate me utterly and completely and for me to not have a name but a diminutive title, like “dog,” “pet,” “bitch,” “whore,” “slave,” or “toy.” I need to not be there except as she wills me to be there — to not have a voice except the voice she gives me — to not have any urges except what she tells me to. This is my ultimate state of submission — to completely annihilate myself while we’re doing this, until my every thought is of her, my ever action is at her command, my every pleasure or pain something she metes out.

I get goofy aroused when I think of this, I get horny and sputtery and strangely calm. I want to wear my collar again, but she has it. I feel like a lost kid when I don’t have my collar. I talked to her about that, and her plans to mark me, and we decided to hold off on the ownership tattoo until June, since I haven’t found a drawing I like of our symbol of my submission — but she’s going to buy me a slender gold chain to wear. It looks nice, very casual, I can wear it underneath my suits, but what it is is my day-collar, my permanent symbol of her ownership. Whenever I need to think of her power — and God, how come whenever I’m like this, whenever I’m in this head-space, I want to capitalize “Her” — I can touch the chain. I’ll be her slave, wearing her collar, all of the time.

She has this hold over me. I tell her about it, and she talks about how it makes her toes tingle and her sex ache to think of me being this obsessed and devoted and humble before her.
Oh, I want to disappear so badly into her. I just want to be her slave. To simply not exist except as an extension of Her. That’s my fondest wish right now. I don’t want anything to be about me, everything about her. I’ll be hers, 24/7 while I’m up there.