Worlds Wierdest Husband?

We live in an area where kids are not going to come to our door on Halloween. This Halloween was a Friday night. She came home from work wondering what we were going to do. I said, I don’t care, whatever you want. She said she was kind of tired and wouldn’t mind just staying home. I mentioned, why don’t we just have a “girls night” in, we can get some wine, rent “Sex in the City”, put on some sexy lingerie and perfume and lay on the couch.”

She said okay (gulp…..she did?)

So we went out, got the movie and wine and snacks and came back. The whole time I was wondering how far she wanted to go. I do not wear ladies panties because she has not bought any for me or instructed me to do so, so I am not. But I do have some nice silky boxers that when I did buy I said to her was the most feminine thing I could find and she likes. So on with those, she puts on nice nightgown and she did allow me to put on her perfume but no lipstick. And so, we had a nice time, watched the movie, talked. It really allows my feminine side to come out when I am wearing something feminine. I don’t know why I like it though I do. I tried to act like two girlfriends watching a movie and did without being too far over the top.

Speaking only for myself, but knowing I am not alone, my fascination with the Feminine is not a kink, or a come-on, or something I do solely to get aroused (though I do). To the extent that I am able to indulge, I do so because it really "calls out" the softer, feminine side, and make it more comfortable and appropriate for "softer" behavior.

All men, in varying degrees, have estrogen in their systems; all women, to varying degrees, have testosterone. Society presses us into a forced choice of typical male or typical female - when, in fact, there are so many degrees of each between the polarities. It seems it is easier to be softer, less belligerent, more caring, more feeling, more submissive when wearing something so intimately feminine. So it seems it "draw out" the feminine rather than “to put it on.”

It is interesting to note the unfairness that women can wear about anything they like, masculine or feminine, while men are sentenced to a very limited range.

This draw to the feminine side has been an almost debilitating struggle for me since adolescence; feeling drawn to the Feminine Side of the Force and yet being burdened with the alpha male expectations.

[As in: am I gay, am I bi, am I a pervert, am I going insane....?]

I can still be Alpha Male in certain situations and as a submissive to my wife. I do not want her to become an Alpha Male either. I just think it is not necessary to have an Alpha Male personality in either one of us all the time. Sometimes being girlfriends is nice?

Times are different. Our son comes home from girlfriend with toenails painted, mascara on eyes. He inherited my gene it looks like big time and somehow it is not perceived as being as weird with today’s generation. I actually envied him that he had a girl that would engage in that fun, until I realized we as parents are not happy with the relationship he and this girl have on many other levels. He may be submissive but I don’t think he understands the dynamics of a “Loving Female Relationship” that I do as an older man. One who has it in proper perspective and whose wife does too. He is just “whipped” and doesn’t understand the why, just I think that he likes being “whipped.”

Only in recent years have I “given myself permission” [in therapy-speak] to examine, accept and embrace the inherent femininity of my psyche, of my personality. And to a much lesser extent, my wife allows it as well. She accepts this somewhat, though I don’t think she understands it at all. But she is open and realizes that both sexes have behaviors that are just foreign to the other. So for our “girl’s nights” she does what she can to indulge without getting to creeped out.

However, that I try to fully embrace my feminine urges, albeit discreetly and covertly is no more a matter of 'personal choice' than being an American or a Red Sox fan, it just is what it is, I didn’t create it, it just came with me out of the womb. My indulging in the feminine [not effeminate] is just the way I am. And to have a wife that understands, at least to some extent, is really nice. I don’t think she wants to overtly make me do overly feminine things, though I would, the humiliation of it with her would certainly feed my submissive side.

But I can’t push. I am so grateful she at least talks about it without screaming to the world......................... “I have the world’s weirdest husband!”