to flirt or not to flirt

The other night in conversation She mentioned that in a weird way She was feeling giddy because at work a client made a comment about how She was very attractive. Now I say that all the time but of course when coming from someone else if feels different, kind of taboo, exciting, after all She is a happily married woman. The thing of it is, She is gorgeous, She has the good fortune of having terrific genes. She is 45 and looks 30, really, she will attest to this and it is true. So people comment. If truth be told, She is probably hit on all the time and has been for a long time. But as the dutiful Southern Lady She is, She does not want to lead anyone on, send the wrong message and Lord have mercy……not send the wrong message to other Ladies (side note, I have found that the competition between Women far exceeds anything guys ever compete in, and woe be to the Woman who uses her physical attributes for personal gain or pleasure.) It is against the “code” of Women to use something as esoteric as looks to advance in front of other Women. Sometimes it seems the most beautiful Women can be the ones so messed up in the head because it seems they are their whole lives trying not to be a “cheap” girl and use or have fun with something that they have no control over and something that automatically puts them at the head of the line, being pretty.

Some women find their powers of attraction unsettling, even unwanted. They tend to keep the lid on their magnetism for good reason. One is obligation, “if I return the volley then it will seem like I am forward and I don’t want to offend him.” Or “if I respond he will think I want to sleep with him.” Women are raised to believe that the sexy part of themselves is wrong or bad, not the essence of their nature, that that their personal charms are for the use of men and not for their own pleasure and entertainment.

The fact is that flirtation is all about having fun. The goal is to amuse yourself which naturally lightens the atmosphere for everyone. The gift of flirting leaves the giver refreshed and the receiver enhanced. The thing is the Woman holds all the cards anyway. They control the game. They really are the hunters, not the hunted, even when they make it look the other way around. And every guy knows this and is spellbound by a Lady who is in control. A flirting situation never goes further than the Lady will allow, because again, She holds all the cards.

So we chatted, She said She is always uncomfortable, other than a cursory “thank you” which is polite, She never does anything else. She doesn’t know if it is “cheating” on me to innocently flirt. I told her that I just want her to feel good and if something were to bother me I would let her know. She also said that when we are together it can be weird because She doesn’t want to embarrass me. I also said I can take care of myself and if someone goes too far, to the point of disrespecting me, that I can take care of things between the offending dude and me.

As a submissive, it is for whatever reason intoxicating to be in the presence of a Woman who is using her feminine aura and further to know that that Woman owns me and that She is the focus of our relationship, that Her pleasure is my main goal in life. The magnetism and charm that others are so drawn to ultimately belongs to me but if it pleases Her to express it, it pleases me She is happy.

But, as I said to Her, if it is uncomfortable, don’t do it. Nothing should have to be contrived, that is what sends out wrong messages.

Do any other Ladies want to comment? Is flirting wrong? At what point does it go too far? Does flirting in the presence of your submissive husband enhance or detract from your relationship? Feel free to respond!!

Paid for by the submissive fellow who is owned by The Mask. I am John Smith and I approved this message. (political commercial attempt at humor, less than a week to go before the end of the nonsense)

TMI Tuesday

TMI Tuesday - Firsts

This should be interesting...
1. Who and when was your first crush?
Jenny, 8th grade cheerleader. Somehow she got into a pinch and lost her locker and I offered for her to share mine. She accepted and all year we shared the same locker. By inference it meant we were going together but of course it wasn’t true. She was beautiful with and air of superiority about her, but she was always very nice to me. I think she sensed that I was no threat. I was her “locker boy” I think, kind of her servant. I know, a foreshadowing of things to come.

2. Who and when was your first date?
11th grade, took a girl to a concert in an auditorium that held 8,000 and my mother and brother went to same concert and actually sat five rows back in same section.

3. Who and when was your first kiss?
Melissa, 8th grade Science Lab. I don’t know how I scored but we were alone in the lab and she gave me a long, wet, sultry French kiss. Science was last class of day and I rode my bike home. I tasted her lipstick for hours and literally had a woody for the entire afternoon and evening.

4. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in car?
With the coolest of moves, somehow I convinced Holly to go to the car with me while at the club one day. She wanted to go I am pretty sure but she needed me to lead the action, but I was waiting for her and I was terrified. I really wanted to make out with her and I think she wanted too also. Hindsight says I should have just gently taken her hand, looked into her eyes and slowly moved in and I think it would have been a nice time for both. But I kept asking permission and she kept avoiding saying yes but she wasn’t saying no. She wanted me to make the move. Again the submissive in me I suppose. But after about 30 minutes of stupid babble talk on my part, we left the car. I think she could obviously tell I was mortified but I think she thought it kind of cute and didn’t “out” me to everyone about not scoring. But my “crew” knew where I was and when I got back up with them they quizzed me. Though I did not say what we did or didn’t do, by my silent answers to their direct questions, they inferred that I had gotten some. So, I was awarded the “dude who scored” award although they had no idea I struck out looking. But, hey, you take the credit where you can, it is the guys credo. But I felt bad for Holly though it never got back to her.

5. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in a house?
My wife before we were married. She was the “experienced” one and she led the action. Isn’t that special (spoken like Dana Carvey’s Church Lady)

6. Who and when was your first love?My wife after the second go around. I was a jock, played every sport and I think I used that to insulate me from girls, since I was terrified of them but also in awe of them. Looking back there were quite a few young ladies that would have accepted my advances but I couldn’t muster the courage. When my wife and I got together, once she led the romance end of it, I felt a deep connection, really a longing to serve though I didn’t know it at the time and have been smitten with her for 25 years. Kind of funny, she was the one who led the early action, kind of a foreshadowing to our FLR in my mind though it was years before we pieced together the roles.

Bonus: Who's blog did you first comment on?
I don’t know, don’t comment much and can’t remember.

What me? I am never bitchy.

One of the things that seems to be a challenge is the notion of the Dominant Wife expressing displeasure with her sub husband. I know my wife thinks that if I screw up or show her improper respect, she is not going to go overboard and make a big deal about it, after all, "she is not my mother and I am a grown man," she has said.

Of course I know that she is not my mother, I do not want her to be my mother. However, I do want her to expect and require my respect and sometimes that requires her input. Last week, for some reason, probably because I felt she was not engaged enough, I sunk into a "non-submissive, I only care about me" funk. For about two days I was surly, was not proactive in meeting her needs, was just being a bitch really. I remember one evening she was working on computer and I went in and made myself dinner and went and sat down to watch tv and eat. She asked me if I made her any or left her some and I said, "nope, all gone." This type of behavior went on for a couple of days. I wasn't testing her to see if I could get a response. Though in some stupid way I wanted to see how she would react to "the old me." I have asked for a weekly discipline session so maybe she will enact that and it will be dealt with then. But we haven't gotten to that weekly thing yet. So in my mind I wasn't testing but I was observing her response. I know, probably not really a distinction, but in my warped noodle it was.

Secretly I did wish she would have a belly full and take me to the woodshed and let me have it with the paddle. But not only is she hesitant with the paddle nowadays, she also didn't do anything. To me she just let it run its course and I was back on track a couple of days later because I just can't go too long without submitting to her, she has my number and I am so smitten with her I can't stay too long away from her umbrella of covering.

We talked about it later. She said she did tell me she was displeased but I said to her, I don't remember at all. She sometimes thinks that a comment with no urgency or steam given by her equals a greater intensity when I hear it. It doesn't. If she says she expressed her displeasure with me I am not doubting it, I just never heard it, it was never conveyed to me in a way I remember.

Which brings me to a post by another blogger titled "Bitch Mistress." I think it shows how the submissive mind works to a certain degree. As submissives, we do need a "Bitch Mistress" to deal with us when we are "Bitchy Submissives." Sometimes we are so deep in our funk, we need a loud definitive reminder, so loud it shakes us.

One of the things I would tell any women in a 'fem/dom' relationship is sometimes you need to be the bitch mistress. There are times when a man needs a boss lady that can verbally or physically put him in his place. It is good for him. One of John's responsibilities is the care and maintenance of my closet. That includes picking up my clothes, washing, and ironing, and making sure that my shoes are clean and polished. Having John take care of my clothing is one of the little luxuries I have come to enjoy. However, when I pick up a pair of shoes, I expect them to be clean. Picking up a pair of dusty shoes would not make me happy. John would hear about it in a negative way. The truth is that men need to know you are watching them, and you expect a certain level of service AND RESPECT. From what I have seen that type of strong feedback is important to the submissive man. It may be humiliating for him, but it is not cruel. It is what he needs.

I added the respect thing in her quote because I believe a submissive man should also always speak and act with respect to his Mistress and when he doesnt she should correct him. I like asking her "May I.." when asking for somethings. To me it is honorable and respectful and I want my submission to be worthy. There is another quote below from a Lady on the link list that sees it the same way.

First and foremost is the use of the question "May I……" I can be in a room of 50 people and my ears will bring my attention right to the man who utters these words. These are the two words in the English language that speak more to a Dominate woman than any other. May I get you a chair, May I get you a drink, May I get your jacket…and so on. There is no better way to show the female of your dreams respect then to use these words..
As simple as they may sound the words "May I…" carry a deep history for all of us. We were taught at a very early age to respect our elders and use these very words. I can remember as a little girl asking my grandmother for a piece of candy and being corrected more than once that it's not "Can I have a piece of candy" because I can have or do anything. It was "May I have a piece of candy" as this showed respect to those I was speaking to.
It is everywhere in our society but to me it never carries more meaning then when it comes from a lips of a male submissive. It is the ultimate in respect, reverence and concern. It is the way they half smile and bow their head knowing that unlike most, they are not just asking a question, but taking it upon themselves to realize their place. It pulls at my Dominate soul, it is the verbal equivalent of sitting at my feet in worship.

I am old school I guess. Love the protocol language.

Enough banter from me. I encourage comments from all as my wife does read this blog as well as has her own listed to the right.

Why would She do this?

The other night, as She allowed me to worship her body as she lay on her stomach, she asked me, "I read somewhere that a wife did not allow her husband to play golf on Saturday mornings, dont you think that is unreasonable?" I said no, if there is an arrangement where the husband submits to his wife, there is always the possibility that things like that can occur.

As a submissive, we know that we are guided and though we may not know the reason behind her instruction, we trust that she has a reason for it and must agree to her directive. "Why would a woman take away that outlet for her husband?" She asked. I don't know, maybe he has attached too much emphasis on it, perhaps she wants to assert her authority, perhaps she feels that golf and the time involved dilutes his service to her, I don't really know. I just know that to submit to someone and for that someone to accept the submission and leadership means that the submissive believes that she has the better good of him in her focus. And that better good may be to replace those activities with ones that she deems better for him.

In my opinion most woman would love for their guy to play golf regularly, the outlet with others is good and healthy. But if she chooses not to allow it, that is her perogative and he must obey.

I'm not sure why she asked me this, I don't play golf but a couple times a year nowadays. I am sure it is not about limiting my golfing. Probably a question more about the power exchange between a Dominant and Her submissive. Why would a Dominant Woman require that and why would a submissive man obey her.

Don't forget, her link is on my list to the right!

My Wife

My Wife now has opened her blog, it is called "The Mask." Why she chose that I am not sure. Perhaps you can ask.

She would love to have input from other Dominant Ladies who have loved men as their submissives. She still is trying to gain footing and trying to be Dominant to me without being too mean.

She doesn't understand it all, meaning me, not her. But she is receptive to trying to accomodate my needs while also gaining insight.

Drop by Her blog and make a comment and welcome her. She would love to meet all.

Herbuddy

Wednesday Weirdness

Wednesday Weirdness- Happy Birthday Edition

1. Is there a particular birthday that you are dreading (ex: 40th) why?
I don't dread birthdays, they come when they come. I do not like the number of the age I become each year because I still feel like I am 16 in a lot of ways and physically I don't feel like I am a broken down relic yet either. So my spirit age doesn't match up with the physical age.

2. What is your favorite birthday memory?
I really can't remember.

3. What was the best birthday present you ever received? The worst?
Again, nothing sticks out at me as any that were best or worst. Any gift means someone spent the time to do something and that means the most. I like giving so I like to make others feel good. My wife gave me a perfect card for my birthday a couple weeks ago. It said "I spent the whole day shopping to find something perfect for your birthday".........and on the inside it said, " and boy am I gonna look nice." That said it perfectly, I would rather she and I go shopping for her on my birthday. I am a kook.

4. Frosting roses: Love them or hate them?
Can live with or without them, no preference.

5. Do you like when people make a big deal out of your birthday, or do you prefer a quiet or no celebration?
If it is a big deal and it is focused strictly on me it is uncomfortable. If we are using my birthday as just an excuse to get everyone together without an inordinate focus on me, that is nice.

6. Surprise parties; Good or Evil?
Can live without it. Again, if it is for the purpose of just getting together or if the ones planning it get a nice feeling, great. But again, only if others feel good about it, I don't need it personally.

7. Bonus Question: Over at Casa ASM, it is traditional for the birthday boy or girl to get carte blanche in the bedroom that night. Who and/or what would you choose for birthday bedroom carte blanche?
Being the crazy submissive I am, I would love for my wife to use this opportunity to show her dominance on me. I would love to get some serious birthday spankings, have other crazy things done to me by her to reinforce her dominance and be put into serious subspace, while the whole while she is telling me that my gift is that she owns me and that I am lucky to have her as my Master.

Net result, for birthdays. an acknowledgement is nice but I would rather use the occasion to make others feel good.

TMI Tuesday

Okay, to try and be cool and also because I don't know what to write, I will do the TMI thing.

1. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed after a sexual experience? - No. All my sexual experiences have been consentual and have never felt guilty or ashamed.

2. Did you ever own a fake ID? - Never had too, have always looked older than I am. But, though never needed a fake ID, I have never been anywhere where I would need to.

3. How often do you tell white lies? Is it with or without thinking? - Yes, usually it is with thinking, not trying to hurt someones feelings

4. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you receive constructive criticism? - Depending on who is giving it. As I have become more mature though, I try to take the criticism and learn from it. So nowadays maybe a 6 or 7.

5. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair? - Yes. I like the feel personally. It would be so cool to be made to by your mate because that is what they prefer and they ask you too. My wife has never really seemed to care, though she does seem to like it maintained as opposed to just letting it go.

Bonus: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a “friends with benefits” relationship? How about men? - Probably less than 10% of women can do FWB if it is without mate. maybe more if consentual with mate. Men, probably more than 50% since sex generally doesn't hold the emotional significance for men. Personally, I couldn't do it without mate's knowledge, the breaking of trust and guilt would kill me internally. If consentual with mate or if decided one or the other has the agreed upon freedom, I could go with it.

Still Alive

Life has been busy, crazy things going on. We are still FLR and I personally am loving it. She is growing more comfortable as well. She realizes that by her being expectant it is pleasurable to me.

We had a talk and she has assigned items to me. She now no longer feels guilty is she gets up after dinner and leaves clean up for me. Some of items that are my responsibility are as follows:

- keep up with our laundry, drip dry her clothes except for jeans
- iron necessary clothes and keep her work clothes current
- keep up with daily and weekly chores that she has made a weekly list for me
- have 4 of 7 nightly meals prepared and ready to eat at 5:30.
- Be her Personal Secretary/Assistant, which means be available via email or phone call to accomplish items she assigns

- provide beverage of her choice available when she arrives from work with some music in background so she can sit down and unwind.
- each night before bed ask her is she wants lotion on her legs or feet applied by me
-ALWAYS ask her permission to sleep in HER bed each night.

She has also agreed to start her own blog, probably will not be too active, but she wishes to be able to direct me as well as be available to read comments from other Ladies (or guys) who enjoy having their husbands as their submissives. So please make comments here and I will link hers when she gets hers' going too.

I am happy, I am lucky and I want her to be just as happy.

:) Her buddy, Her helper, Her helpmate, Her assistant, Her househusband!!