been a while

still marching forward, life is complicated right now and tough to stay consistent on the blog. I am trying hard to really try and do things Her way. She is engaged, just not at warp speed like me I suppose. Sometimes makes for frusteration but chalk it up to it being a process.

My Wife, I assume as well as many other Women, were raised to believe that men played the Dominant part. They saw it on tv, in their parents relationship, books, movies, etc. What I am asking my Wife to do is to adjust everything She has been taught over the years and to do a sort of role reversal. I assume that it must be an odd and at times difficult feeling for my Wife to all of a sudden see me as under Her gudiance. I am sure She has asked Herself a thousand times if Her husband really want this, or if She can actually do it.

A Lady said in another forum the following and I would bet my Wife feels the same:
I struggle with the equality thing. I can't understand for the life of my why any of you strong intelligent men would want to give up complete control to the level you do. I used to feel like I was taking away his rights if I took complete control. I have actually just recently (Friday) realized that I am not taking those rights away, he is giving them to me. I can imagine your wife feeling this way as well. That she is taking away part of who you are. Or she is being a hypocrite if she controls you but would not tolerate that towards her.

But, that is not the case, She is not a hypocrite because it is something I want to be treated as, not treat her that way.

It is hard to put into real words the feeling I have for wanting to submit to my wife. This desire I have is very real and runs very deep. I want to be controlled for Her bidding. I want Her to feel free to be harsh with me when I need it. I want to be punished for what I have done wrong and made to correct it. I want Her to be free enough to take pleasure in my submissiveness to Her. To enjoy the fact that I would kneel before her. To know that the things I do for Her, though seem selfish to Her, are not, because I really enjoy both doing and the fact that She can be selfish regarding physcial pleasure. But I also desire to be loved and wanted by Her, and to feel good about the things I do to serve Her. I hope the fact that I want to be viewed and treated this way can somehow make it more palatable to a Woman who has only known the opposite for so many years.

There are times that the submissiveness I feel is very strong. Yesterday, as She was watching tv, I just came in, asked if I could untie Her shoes with lotion in my hand. I sat on the floor and lovingly applied lotion to both feet. My mind was in my fingers, my love was in each rub, flowing through my fingertips. The pleasure of the massage feels good to Her but She does not sense how this submissive act can feel so rewarding to me. Instead of reveling in the pleasure, She started asking me questions about my day. Kind of a, you are doing something nice for me I must do something nice for you, kind of mentality. I would love if She would sense my submissiveness and stroke it with Her dominance during those times. That would be pleasureable for me, not feeling guilty that I am providing pleasure for Her. I told Her later on that the "giving of pleasure" to Her, even erotically, is a gift to me in and of itself. It would be complete if She reveled in it, pushed me into a deeper level of submissiveness, told me how She likes it, that She expects it, that She knows that She is in total authority over me during these times. The verbal is important to me but She has not gotten to the point where it is comfortable yet. She sees an inequality. I am being nice to Her so She must be nice to me. But the converse is true.

The dynamic that is a WLM is complex. At times overwhelming and other times mundane. I guess all men who submit to their Wives long for the firm Dominance of their spouse. I repeat what I have stated in previous posts which is the need for patience. But the need to be led, controlled and submissive is sometimes even greater. Unfortunately I am a jump right in sort of guy. Full bore all the way and that can cause frustration. I will not give up on this though. Not as long as my Wife is at least willing to try to be Dominant. I feel this can be a great life for the both of us.

hmm..

I have come to a milestone. I think a FLR relationship is full of milestones. I have been involved in intelligent discourse here on this board and with my wife for about a month on this whole subject, a submissives "needs and wants."

Here where I am at now.I asked my wife to become the Head of our Relationship, to Lead and I would follow. I told her that I trusted that her instincts were better than mine and that as a team, we would flourish if I relenquished the reins and gave them over to her. By doing that, I have said to her that I trust her, that she will do what is best for me and for us.

Actually, I think of myself as pretty smart to do that. I am not trying to boil it down to a business equation, but I am familiar with that. Namely, if I am engaged in a business that is either just getting by or even floundering, I as a good steward of that business needs to leave ego at the door and put in place new methods that grow the business. Same with me in my relationship. I came to understanding that she would be a better leader than I. Now she has a different leadership style than me, frankly one that is foreign to me...it is more demure, softer. But, that does not mean she does not have the appropriate skills.......just a different delivery method. And if I am reallyserious about the power exchange, I need to just get out of the way and let her lead. Really similar to a US President leaving office. Outgoing Prez may be asked by many his opinion, may even be asked by the current President, but, he says, "hey, I am not the guy anymore, I am under the new Presidents leadership just like the rest of us, you need to talk to him." Most outgoing Presidents have said the same thing.....the best thing I can do is to just get out of the way and let the new guy lead without any distractions from me.

Maybe that is a bad example, but I think the principle is the same. Leading is not easy, especially if you are a woman who has, though agreed, been thrust into a role she has not held, nor maybe even tried to assume. Can she do it, yes, she has the skills. But I think I have been under the assumption that she could get right into the drivers seat and drive just like me. But, if I am a reasonable man, which I think I am, I would not expect that in a business "changing of the guard" so why would I expect that in a relationship.

The key element is that I trust that she will lead us to a better place. It will be different, I knew that early on, but IF I really trust both her, and the system of FLR, then I need to suck it up and do the right thing and just give my leader time to hone her skills without me constantly advising her on what she needs to remember and do.

Having said that, though I am glad she knows my kinks and desires, I am a little ashamed that I have been hammering it home. If I put myself in her shoes, I would have said, back off dude, how in the world can I lead if you are second guessing or "advising" me on every issue.

So, here is the trust issue. It is a conditional trust if I say to her, "I want you to lead but you have to do it my way." Heck, in a business situation I would tell the other party, "sorry, no deal, if you want my input to help out this situation, I will do it only if you back off."

But, .....she loves me, sees that my submissiveness is ingrained in me, understands in her heart that we would flourish with her in the lead, knows she has the skills to succeed, but is cautious at all of a sudden waking up one day and assuming the leadership.

So, "wants vs. needs." Part of the trust is that she will administer them to me in ways that make us better. Does she not want to see me happy? Does she not want to give me my treats? Of course not, she is a good person, she wants to make me happy. But, if I trust her, I need to just be a good soldier and understand that to follow means just that, to follow. And she will value her leadership role and will try to be the best leader she can and that in doing so, it means taking care of her subordinates "needs and wants." Can I put things in a suggestion box for the leader to read? Of course, but my job is to ONLY put it in the suggestion box....end of story. Her job is to read it and act on it if she chooses.

I can tell her about the commonality of different species, the similarity to humans and chimps, cover her up with statistical and empirical data that shows that we are pack animals and need a defined leader. But the difference is that we as humans have ..............opposable thumbs. We are more intelligent than chimps. We have a "free will" that chimps do not. A chimp does that behaviour because he is not capable of any other behaviour.......we as humans make our decisions and they may contradict generel species rules. So accepting a leaderhship role as a human is a choice.....not species rule.

I see so many blogs and such where FLR ran out of steam, bunch of "crybaby guys" saying, "if she would only get it." Being real, real honest....I would not accept a business situation with the those terms, namely, "I will take control but you are going to control how I take control." So, why would I think that she would accept those terms in our relationship........ simply because I presented them to her.

So, if all us guys are going on with the "Women are more superior than men" mantra, then why don't we put our actions with our mouths and give them room to grow without our badgering.

Sorry it was long winded, I am now sounding like a Lady I think, ...but that is not a bad thing,......I think they are really cool!!

Labor Day Weekend

Interesting weekend. Saturday we needed to get pants for son. Off we went. I always enjoy shopping with Her as I now do not force the time issue, realize that just roaming around is fun for Her. But, on a mission for son, so the three of us spend about 45 minutes in mens section finding some nice things for him. When done, we (son and I) think we are headed out. But, She is drawn........like a cosmic force..... to the Womens area. Son gives me "the look!" I tell him we spent time on you lets now spend time on your Mom, shut up and get used to it, it is a lifetime thing. "I need another skirt for work," She proclaims. As a Woman and Mother, it is easier for Her to say "need" instead of "want" because She has spent all Her life sacrificing for the kids and me really. So, framed as a need means that She is not being selfish. Hurdle jumped in Her mind......... on our way.

We get to Womens section and I start hunting with Her. Even son joins in foray. She is at a rack really looking through and I say "let me hold that purse so you can really get in there two fisted!!" She normally, well most times, thinks I am a freak because it pushes a submissive button to carry Her purse. But, She just gave it to me and dove in to the racks. I headed in many directions without Her (purse in hand), different racks, knowing what She wanted. I came back with a few samples and son was hanging with Her and picked out a nice skirt and blouse. After trying them on, decided that outfit son selected was the right choice, and it was, really beautiful, nice color, can be worn with different blouses. lots of adaptability. We spent about the same time looking for Her as we did for son. It was nice, no agenda other than just being helpful. I asked Her if it felt good to Her that the two most important men in Her life were helping Her look for clothes and She just beamed and said, "Yes." I think She felt loved, cherished, special, not just a sexy wife (which She is that too).

Later, She and I actually played Scrabble, She loves it, I am too slow, keep trying to make 75 point words for each play. I got Her to agree to dominante me sexually, including spanking me if I won...........She won, why am I suprised!

Helpmate Hubby has a "What did you do on Labor Day?" thing on his blog. This is what we did on Monday. She loves going to beach, I hate it. Through years we have accomodated. Monday we got it set up that She and the three kids would go to beach and I would stay and prepare dinner for their return. She had been "jonesing" for some grilled chicken. Well I went to store, got chicken and other things and started at it. I do not know why it feels so good for me to be working at doing something She will appreciate while She is actually doing something else that She enjoys. Must be that "working for the Queen" thing. Don't know, just know I felt excited. My place was in the kitchen that day. So, as I do more and more cooking, alas, I get better (I never would have believed it ). So, I start making a side dish and decide to experiment and try some new things. I got real excited to think She, and kids, might like it. Anyway, long story short, they arrive, shower up, I get dinner on table, She comes in, sits at the head of the table and asks where Her drink was (I had it there already, She just overlooked it!!). Dinner served, was a home run, new dish was a hit. Everyone left table and took dishes into kitchen and stacked. We lounged, went on walk, lounged, She was just relaxing, having a great family time, as was I. As kids are older, not too often we are all together at one time for a meal and lounging together. As night wore on, I made way back to kitchen to start cleaning up, kind of just on autopilot. It occurred to me over sink...... that She was still in other room. Our normal way for years would be Her cleaning up, me helping, but Her doing all the work. Now, She is nowhere to be found. It is understood that it is my job and She doesn't even bat an eyelash.

I like doing things that make Her life better. Being an "engaged shopper," helping with meals, cleaning up, they make it easier for Her and I like doing the work for Her. She later said dinner was great and the whole weekend was really nice. I felt ten feet tall.

Interesting FLR Philosophy on another Board.......

A fellow asks.......

Thank you for this post. My wife are in the process of starting up a FLR. She likes to be in control but hates all words and concepts which sound like D/s or S&M. She associates dominance with domineering and does not want to be called dominant or domme. She does not want to be pushed in a format or mould. I would love to have her use her power/control more, but if I suggest that she gets angry and complains that I am pushing her. Which, I cannot deny is true. As a male who is trained to think in concepts I do focus on my understanding of the relationship dynamics. I long that she uses her power more, physical punishments or reminders when She deems necessary and dares to use her sexuality as well to wind me around her finger. I am clueless why many women like to start with FLR but are resistant to take it to the next level. As a former dominant I know how fulfilling and exciting power can be.

A Wise Woman responds......

I did struggle with this idea for the longest time though. What helped me make it click was "Venus on Top" and another book that I was reading on chakras. What these books did was break it down for me into logical terms that I could understand. The final picture that was painted for me was that women and men use their brain differently. Men use action, women use thought. We process differently. Women have the ability to see the grey, while men see the task. In a relationship, there is nothing but grey. It is like a dance. Men see feet moving in a specific pattern, women see the sway of a person's hips, the joy in their step; the soul coming out to show the world all it's glory; the music coming to life. These are skills that make it easier for women to guide and nurture a household. A relationship, any relationship, is about bringing out the best of people. It is about managing people's characteristics so they can experience the most joy in life or deal with the worst tragedies so they can get back to that joy. Is that not the purpose of life: to live it with joy? The ability to do that is what women are raised to do, it is our biological make up to do that. FLR just takes this to a different level. It is the place for people who have that need to be that "primitive" in their life. Boil it down to it's lowest common denominator: Men need tasks to do, it is where they feel the safest/most comfortable and if correction needs to be done, they gladly accept and actually crave it, it fits their "male" psyche. Women need to think, it is where they feel safest/most comfortable. So the woman thinks, gives the man his tasks, corrects or asserts to reaffirm Her leadership and his submission, and all runs smoothly. Because society has pushed this concept so far away from most of us, I feel that men need the hard pushes to over come the hard pushes to not be this way. They need the hard constant reminders that they are safe and living within their comfort zone. Society is harsh on male dominance, so balance has to be met with harsh push to submission. It is done by each Lady's particular brand of Her own dominance, one of "being" dominant, not just "acting" dominant, as well as making the dynamic accountable to the sub in ways he naturally understands and is comfortable with, namely verbal and yes physcial. Balance is the key. For instance, I am not a man, I do not know why pet not only wants me, but needs me to spank him. It took me a long time to understand that he processes things in a different way than I do. But he submits and strives to make my life better in ways that are somewhat foreign to him and natural to me.... and I should also recognize our differences and do the same for him. That doesn't mean that I have to spank him, in fact I really thought I never would. It took quite a while before I actually did (now he wishes I never did!), but understanding that he processes things differently has helped me in becoming more dominant in my own way since I now know he does need it.

interesting thoughts?????

my Beautiful Wife does read "Herbuddy" but hasn't chosen to post anything yet.

things going well!!

We were at store, She need some perfume. As standing in aisle, she sprays one on her arm to smell, puts it up. Does another on other arm, puts it up. Says, "I have ran out of arms to try." I raised my arms quietly as she grabbed another and sprayed on my arm to smell. "Not sure." Grabs another sample, does my other arm. After some time decides. I told Her, "Don't get wrong idea, but I love having your perfume on, it means I can smell you all day." She just kinda looks at me and says, "Okay." What is neat is I think She understands.

When we got home, She wanted me to trim her hair, which I have done for a long time, but......I like to do it naked. On drive home, I inferred that we would need to lock doors for me to trim. But as we arrived, I mentioned to Her that if She did not want me naked, I would do it clothed as I did not want to assume or make Her uncomfortable. She said, "No, you can do it naked." However, as I was surveying her hair, the last stylist She went to actually did layers and I said that I think that maybe She needed to get someone else to do it as I thought it exceeded my skill level and the last thing I wanted to do was mess it up.

She said okay, now it is your turn. She had bought some nair for my back. Don't get wrong idea, I am not a hairy bear or anything but She likes my back to be smooth. So, She started putting the smelly stuff on my back. She then told me to turn around. She had never done my front before but She started applying it on sides to artfully create the old hair between pecs down to groin area strip, but everything else smooth. I felt immediate submission, She was now using me to create something She liked, not just getting it off the back. I felt owned by Her, Her property that She was pruning. It was wonderful.

I wrote the last post about Her being in the chair about 3 weeks ago, hoping She would sometime read it, but, alas, hasn't happened. So I asked if She would like to read the blog to which She said yes. So, I got her the laptop and put it on Her chair to start reading. As She started, I moved around the house checking on kids, locking doors, turning out lights etc. When I returned, She was in Her chair reading. I quietly put on some soft music and just sat down next to Her. She said she wanted lotion and I started putting it on Her legs. I was in front of Her on the floor, She could not see me because the laptop was blocking Her view. She said, "Seems like you have become a good little Femdom fiction writer." I wanted to say, that I wish it wasn't fiction, but held my tongue, just muttered yes. After the lotion, I started softly kissing her legs, from the knee down to foot and back again as She read. This went on for about 30 minutes, She never actually saw me, I was totally Her servant. She called today to say how nice it was that I was kissing her legs while She was reading and that we went to bed without Her thinking She needed to "pay me back" for the kindness. As we were in bed I asked if She were happy with our new FLR. She said it was different but that yes She was happy and wanted it to continue...............Yay!!

hmmmm!

As I came into the bedroom, she was already sitting, cross legged , in the high back chair with dressed only in a robe. Seeing her took me aback for a second as I entered the room. "Kneel," she said, which I stumbled down and did. "You really like kneeling in front of me don't you?" "Yes, even though you think it odd, I really like it." "Fine, all I asked was a yes or no answer." "Put some lotion on my feet and legs and show me how much you like it...and take off your clothes, now!" She grabbed her brush and lazily started brushing her hair, pulling at some to check the ends, almost isolated, not really giving much attention to me. "Stand up," she said. As she grasped my member, she said, "You really do like this don't you." "Very much so Madam." "Kneel, other leg." I dropped and devoted all my attention as she resumed brushing and nonchalantly playing with her hair. "You know, we agreed that I was the unquestioned Leader in our relationship, you do remember that don't you." "Yes." "As a Leader, there is a level of respect that should be adhered to, wouldn't you agree?" I did not know where she was headed but of course believed it to be true and answered, "Yes." "I'm not sure you always agree with that statement." I stayed quiet. "The other day in the car, we had a little disagreement didn't we?" I now knew where we were headed, "Yes." "The thing is, I do not mind that you disagree, I respect your opinions, isn't that true?" "Yes." "But, the tone in which you talked was less than respectful, agree?" "Yes, I'm sorry." "Well, heres the thing, I wouldn't be much of a Leader and you wouldn't respect me as a Leader, if I let you get away with tones that undermine my Leadership, agree?" "You are right."

"Yes, I thought so." At this point she withdrew her leg and sat straight up in her chair and just looked sternly at me for what seemed like forever. "I cannot allow a disrespectul tone.......stand up....now." I did and stood helpless in front of her as she grabbed my hand and turned me sideways and placed me between her legs. "Bend over." She then started lightly caressing my behind as she continued on with her message of keeping a respectful tone with her, in public, but also, more importantly in private. She then started applying the hairbrush to my bottom, starting slowly, alternating running her hands across, aiming her blows to get to all areas of both sides. I thought it would be around five or so but she kept going, finally stopping at around forty. "Do we have a better understanding now?" "Yes, thank you."

"Now," as she stopped and leaned back in her chair, "I'm not sure why, but this has gotten me aroused.........you may kiss me below." I did as I was told and she was excited, by her actions I knew what she wanted and gave it my all. Just as she was about to come, she pushed my head away, almost in a trance, sat up and said....

Her eyes, almost in a glaze, she said, "Kneel and kiss my breasts." As I did, she spead her legs so I could get really close and started my devotion. "That feels good, you like serving me don't you?" "Yes." "Keep going...." Her hands were softly running around my head and every so often she would reach down and play with herself and bring the nectar to my lips. I felt her arms moving around and soon felt her twitch, as a belt landed on my backside some more. " You will be more respectful if you want me to continue Leading. You do want me to Lead don't you?" "Yes." As she continued her message she got in another 20 whacks as I continued loving on her body. "Funny, I never realized it, but you are my slut aren't you?" "Yes." "I thought so, stop, get on the bed on all fours." As I did, she mounted me from behind and ground herself into my backside. "As the Leader I get to fuck you don't I slutboy?" "Yes." She continued grinding into me while alternating backing off and slapping my backside."That's enough, roll over." As I did, she straddled and placed herself on my face, grinding until she finally came in a powerful expression. We layed beside each other as she spooned me. "Are we clear on my expectations slutboy?" "Yes, thank you." We layed longer as she felt the warmth on my bottom and alternated playing with my member. "Good, lets not forget it..." And we drifted off to sleep.(okay, didn't really happen, my attempt at some erotic fiction......but, one can dream can't they!)

moving on

Well, couple of days into it. Nothing dramatic, but it feels right. Other than an intimate time that was wonderful, there have not been any mountainous events where she has asserted and I have submitted. It is just that since she has agreed to be the Head, the "elephant" is now out of the room. We exist like we did before she accepted, just that now, with our roles defined, we are not posturing one way or the other, me especially. I know my role and she knows hers. I try to anticipate, if she chooses to exert herself, I am ready, if not, I don't pressure her. But with the common knowledge that our roles are clearly defined, it has taken alot of the FLR stress out of the equation.

It now just is what it is ....... and I like it and I think she does too.

She has agreed!!

The other night, we had long conversation about life in general. Some of it was Femdom, some not. She told me to quit making little innuendos, quit bringing it up to her. Just stop what she called the constant badgering, which in my mind was only once or twice a day, to me, nothing, to her, all the time. I said okay, will do.

Three days later she wanted to talk. She formally agreed to take the lead as the Head of our relationship and marriage. She laid out some groundrules, which are understandable and are some work on my end, but think I can do it. She said she knows what I want sexually and may not ever get there. I told her I know it means work for her to assume and assert herself as the Leader and that I trust that she will keep my wishes in mind, whether the kink happens or not, but that I wanted whatever stirred her, not me trying to coerce her into something I wanted.

I first brought up Femdom with her about 9 months ago and she just decided to formally agree to it. I think the deciding factor was twofold. One is that she understands that submitting to Her is not just a passing fancy, but based on our life together, it is something that is wired in me. So, she needs to not pretend it isn't there, but to try and find a balance which can work for both of us. Secondly, I have been sincere these past 9 months, made mistakes, perhaps pushed too hard and fast sometimes, but I have been sincere and respectful about the issue.

Away we go!!!!!

balance

I need to find some balance. In the days that it seems like we are trying to work at this, I find myself so "addicted" to her that I almost make it an obsession. All I want to do is touch her, caress her, stoke her hair. I love to sit on the floor while she is on the couch or in a chair, I would love for her to tell me to do that, to kneel in front of her, to overtly use her "dominion" over me, but she is not comfortable with that. I am like a pathetic puppy dog, following her, wanting to be near her, wanting her to use that attention for her whim or pleasure, whether emotional or physical. But, as she has said, I am crowding her space so much she can't breathe. The poor Lady has trouble getting to sleep because all I want to do is spoon, lightly rub her back, run my hands through her hair. I could do it all night but when she shuts down, she wants to go to sleep. So, she sometimes has trouble differentiating my devotion to her versus an obsession for her and that sometimes makes her squeamish.

I don't know how to be totally devoted to her without being so in her face that I crowd her and make her feel claustrophobic.

random thoughts

I don't know why, but using very good verbal manners with her feels right. I didn't know why but I think another blogger said it best, "Learn the language of submission." I have been doing it a long time before I read that, some toungue in cheek with her, others just trying to be mannerly. "May I say ....," "Do you mind if....," "Would you prefer....," It comes very naturally to me, so much so, that sometimes she thinks it is over the top and I am egging her on. But really, I'm not. I really enjoy showing her the respect of good conversation manners.

She actually advanced in her job her recently. I told her everyone is seeing what I already knew, that she is very capable and they should trust her insight, as I am trying to do. I picked her up at lunchtime and ran a couple of errands with her. When we were done, I told her I must be her "Executive Assistant." I liked the analogy greatly, she wanted to shoot me, but I think she did enjoy that I was sincerely proud of her accomplishments, which I am.

The other night, we were intimate, though she did not really want anything proactive done with herself. She wanted me to release in a fun way and as usual, I asked the question, "do you want me to because you think that is what I want you to say or do you really want me to because that is what you want?" I am struck most times by obviously wanting to release versus the fun feeling of being on edge and not coming. She said, "Heres the deal, I am tired of you asking the same question, here is what we are going to do. When we are intimate, always assume that I want you to come, work you way toward that, don't hold back, but when you get close, ask me if you can and I will tell you whether you can or not." Perfect negotiation, now I don't have to wonder whether I should pace myself, just "get after it," but she still has the control on deciding if it happens. I love the arrangement, though I know it will turn into one of those "be careful what you wish for" things, I don't think she has any problem stopping me.

:)

hanging in there

Living situation still difficult, but managing somehow. We actually went to eat some breakfast Friday night at 10pm. We ended up talking a bunch, including Wife Led stuff. She is still interested, I think she senses my sincerity that it is really in me and not just a passing fantasy. It is so nice to know she is working on it. She even said the other night that she will make a point of telling me things to do instead of being super mannerly when we are alone.

Last night in bed she was asking me how she can "tease" me. The really difficult thing about all this is the man trying to explain to the Woman dynamics of this relationship. I say stupid things like "do anything and everything"....."just the fact that you are orchestrating everything according to your wishes, whims, etc."

Now I'm not sure the smartest person in the world can understand what I am trying to say to her, so I try to point her to some of the blogs, by reading something written by another Lady might be easier to translate the message. Do any of you Ladies have suggestions for her? How do you Tease your husband, not only in the bedroom, but during the day. I tried to explain that the brain is the biggest sex organ and she can use mind games, but again, hard for me to get the point across.

We took a leisurely Sunday afternoon "nap" where there was no napping going on. She did play with me for an hour or so, got me hard constantly without release, I was almost in a trance. I will say that now, an hour later, my nads are really sore, even though she wasn't rough with them, not sure why they are so sore. ( I Googled it and found reason, all is okay)

But, we are moving forward and I know I am happy and I believe she is too, she said she enjoyed the conversation the other night. I know I am more open with her how, it comes easier, I like being open with her..............................so, we keep at it!!

helpmate, could you email with access to your site?

Yes, still busy. Living situation in sort of limbo, waiting to get into new place, but not ready yet, so bunking with relatives. Obviously, overt Wife Led things are at a minimum. I did give her the book "Around Her Finger" and asked her to read it whenever she gets the chance. I am not pressuring her as to when, want it to be at her timetable. She doesn't quite get the notion that I crave to submit to her......that by her just allowing it to happen, it brings great pleasure to me. She wants to do nice things for me, that is natural and I want it of course. But, the theory that by her leading, even with some selfishness on her part, even without a sense of reciprocation on her part, is still a little foreign to her. But, she is trying and that is a testament of her goodness.

As Emily Addison said in one of her comments, " Your husband craves your authority. Continue to bless him with it, and he will continue to bless you with his submission."

Maybe someday soon, she will have an "Aha, I get it now" moment. But, it is all good, she is wonderful and I really love her!

Been busy

Haven't disappeared, we moved and of course things are ...............hectic. Still checking in but not much time to write.

ruining my image

It has occurred to me, just recently as sometimes I am not too fast, that the intimacy between a couple is so much more real in this type of relationship. Most times, the physical dynamic of a husband and wife is something that is always the big elephant in the room. For over twenty years, I have wondered most minutes of each day, if we were going to have sex. Heck, I'm a guy, so my thought process is.......are we going to have sex.....can we have sex.....what do I need to do to have sex.......what should I say......what do you want to hear.......c'mon, you said we were going to........what do you mean you don't want to..........that's unfair.......etc., etc. No apologies here, just kind of the way we guys are I suppose.

But, now, since restructuring the physical challenge, putting the "elephant" in it's proper perspective, we now make the physical a supporting part of our relationship.....it now supports the emotional element, .....it is no longer a rival to the emotional element. It is tremendously more intimate.

Okay, yes, I am a scuzzy guy, I do want alot of kinks and I would love for her to be as kinky as me (probably not possible!). But, the fact is, though I did in the past, but not without a certain amount of genuineness, she is now truly my friend, my confidant, my support, my lover. I care about who she is as a person, I want to be a help for her to become a better person, I listen like I never have before, I talk more freely than I ever have before, I look forward to seeing her, I like spending time with her, I truly enjoy when she is happy whether I had anything to do with it or not. The difference is that I believe she has thought that of me all along, but, well, I just couldn't get there and frankly, there is alot of time that I let squander because of that.

So, though both are wonderful for sure, I enjoy our intimacy, our closeness, our connection, now more than the sex. Not that I want to do away with the sex, but the closeness is soo good!

P.S. please don't tell anyone, it will ruin my image!

Three Day Weekend

Well, not really. But we did have a nice weekend, it was our anniversary, been over 20 years. On one hand seems like forever, on the other, seems like yesterday. Saturday had a good day, stuff in morning and then the kids were out and about and we had the afternoon and evening by ourselves. Had lazy early dinner around 4 at restaurant. Had some engaged conversation, was good. She says that if she chooses to do it, it should be her way only and I totally agree, she says I must be "topping from the bottom." But she skirts around "formally" taking control, hasn't said that this is now definitely in place. Now I know some of our Lady friends out there will take this opportunity to rake me over the coals, but, to me, I don't know why, but I need it formal. Not a contract or anything, but something clear and undeniable about our roles of her taking the lead and me choosing to follow. For some reason I cannot explain, it is vital to me that it is crystal clear. I can be submissive in whatever way she chooses to frame the dynamic, to not "top" from below, but the formality is so crucial. I asked her if she would consider writing down what she would want if she chose to formally become the leader and share it with me to confirm our roles. I know it sound like I am orchestrating everything, but I don't think I am, well, obviously I guess I am, but only to the formality of things, that's all I need.

Monday, she was off work, we did some things in morning and then had early lunch. We had options of different things after lunch, needed to get back to work but had to run some errands. I suggested a game plan of how to accomplish, she said not lets do it this way. I said okay and we did it her way. When we finally went to bed, we both mentioned how much we enjoyed hanging out together. She let me put lotion on her while she finished watching news. When she turned off news, I offered to do her entire body and she said okay. She laid on her stomach and I lazily put lotion on her entire body and followed up with light kisses from head to toe and back again. I told her that I could do this for another hour but I knew she needed her sleep and I should stop. She said it felt so good I could do it for another hour. I was, for whatever reason, in, probably what I have read as subspace, I was just totally overwhelmed with what I was doing, almost in a zone. Eventually even fell asleep almost on top of her before we woke up and I got up and got under the covers. It was so nice, so intimately close, for both of us.

still moving along

Still in the midst of a tough month, some big things hanging over our heads, but we do have the important family things going our way. Obviously, last post was written during a real down time.

So, as far as FLR, still a work in progress, but a work nonetheless. And, it seems, we have other things that are in the forefront right this second. We are leaning on each other, there have been moments that tell me she hasn't abandoned the idea, so that is good.

We've had better weeks

Been really a crappy week. I was out of town for three days but had to make a trip unexpectedly back for a stupid thing that is hanging over my head. She was helpful during that day but the event really sagged me, still does.

Since I got back on Wednesday night, she has been keeping her distance, maybe I am and she is responding in kind, I'm not sure. As far as our relationship dynamic, I came back really sapped and have not started doing all the things that I was doing. But, she has not indicated that it matters to her whether I do or don't anyway. She hasn't asked why I haven't kept up with all the things I have been doing to try and further our relationship. I'm really not sure she cares if I do or don't. All of our FLR stuff to date has been me doing them and since I was, she would have to try and work on her end. But, I suppose, if I am not first at doing it, she will not initiate anything,.... she has not made me accountable for my end of the bargain. I can understand giving me so slack since I have been depressed, but she must think this dynamic of our marriage only is in play when things are going good, that it is dependent on outside forces being in alignment, instead of it being a "lifestyle" during good and bad. When things get bad from the outside world, I tend to want to draw closer, to reinforce more what we are doing together as a couple that strengthens our bond, not less. Right now, the only good thing going is my relationship with her and our family. Business, life pressures are at all time highs. So, she feels cornered and it seems her inclination is to retreat and mine is to get closer. Sometimes, I feel like I am more a part of the problem than the solution with her.

But, in her defense, we have not been in a situation like we are in now. It is really hard. She is numb and I am really, really tired. So, even though I think I have the capacity to keep up with my end of the bargain, which I want to do, even though things are terrible, without her enforcing her role, making me accountable for my service and submission to her, it makes it easy for me to get lazy and I'm not sure she cares. Maybe that is easier for her, it is one less thing she has to worry about, especially since it does have a sexual component. But sometimes I think that really isn't a great litmus test, if when things are bad from the outside world, you abandon your relationship work.

But, I can't really judge her during this time. I am probably overreacting, which I have a habit of doing. Pressure tends to exaggerate and inflate situations, and we are certainly under all time high pressure. So, I guess we are just in a "day to day" mode.

grinding through

Just getting through week, both going at it pretty hard, lots of things pressing, trying to squeeze some quiet time together. She said we might talk tonight, she has emailed a friend about some advise on some items and wants to talk. I am looking forward to it. We have both been exhausted but she doesn't have to work tomorrow, so maybe she will allow (or demand!) some "servitude" out of me tonight, before/during or after we talk. If not, is okay, just talking will be fine. I am again bursting with submission, so, whatever she wants, she will get!! I hope she will allow herself the non pressured pleasure.

weekend talking

Having a good weekend, doing some chores around house. We are both a little worn out from the week, so Saturday was a lazy day. But, we did do some relaxed talking.

One point that came up was her confusion on the "praise" as she calls it. She seems to think that I need constant reinforcement in terms of "way to go, you are great, you are the best." Kind of like what you would hear at a t-ball game. I tried to explain, that for whatever reason, the reinforcement that I desire is not rooted in that. It is rooted in the mindset that I have chosen to submit to her and that she is able to direct me using that submission as the motive. I don't necessarily want her to just randomly order me around all day. I want situations that flex the Dominant/submissive muscle that is in our relationship. Yes, I enjoy helping out and making her life easier with the mundane tasks, the fun tasks we now do together, trying to please her in little ways.

But, as Ken on Around Her Finger said, ....."The need to be reminded of his submissive role is an integral component of male desire to submit to female authority. It is part of his hardwiring and cannot be short-circuited. In and of itself it accounts for much of the pleasure he derives from being dominated by her. " and .................. "understanding that the psyche of a submissive male is such that it needs reinforcement. This is not to say he needs convincing that his role should be that of the submissive. Not in the least. A submissive male merely wants positive affirmation that he will be dominated and is expected to submit. "

Another wise Lady said "Everyone needs a bit of praise from time to time, but it took me a while in the beginning to realize just how much more intensely words of encouragement and appreciation mean to many submissive fellas. Even more than that, I think, is how much hearing the assertion of my control means."

So, we chat some about how that can happen. Certainly overt sexual things can do that, but it can also manifest itself in non sexual things throughout the day. But, I am having a hard time explaining it in a way that she understands the nature of my mindset in this whole submissive scenario.

So, we enlisted some help with an email, I am thankful she is really trying to understand it and am excited about where we are in our relationship. I am trying hard not to pressure her about it, but to just let her understand the mindset and then she can do whatever she wants. I want to submit to her, I want her to use, perhaps even exploit that submission, but it is not some vision of her I have created that I want her to fulfill. I want it to be her "Domination", not my creation.

So, if anyone has any pearls of wisdom any examples in your relationships, on trying to get her to understand the concept, send them on!!

Well..... she was tired again last night, may have a little bug that is running her down. She wanted to sleep on couch while I watched some basketball but I convinced her to go to bed. I went with her, did a little hair brush, spent a few minutes just rubbing her back and top of legs, put a little soft music on and covered her up. She slept like a rock.

This morning, she called while I was cleaning up the kitchen. She could hear the clanging of dishes and asked me two questions that confused me. "Do you like doing the housework because you like doing it or do you do if for me? Sometimes I feel like I am lazy because I don't have to do anything at home." I answered, "well, both sort of. I don't mind doing the housework and since you are busier than me now, it seems logical. When things ramp back up on my end, I will probably still want to do it. And two, yes I like doing it for you." I tried to explain further and she cut me off. Sometimes she thinks I use every opportunity to drive home the Female Led mantra to her. I really don't think I do and I even asked her if I was putting too much pressure on her and she said no I was not. However, it is my nature to blast away on a concept to her and she gets overwhelmed, again, don't think it is happening here, but I always need to be aware. But, there is some hidden agenda to those two questions that I don't think I will get without another female perspective chiming in to educate me. So, if any of you ladies have a guess, feel free to ponder.

One more thing we discussed. I have told her that my masturbation days are over, that she is "in control" of my orgasms. Now, if it was earlier in our marriage, when I did self serve quite frequently, , she really didn't like it,... put up with it,.... kind of pretended I didn't do it,.... would have preferred that I didn't do it. Now I am not doing it, she does not like the fact that I say "she controls" my orgasm. I told her that I thought it was a pretty special gift for me to give her and that it is made better by her acknowledging it verbally with me. But, somehow, that is a tough one for her. Again, I am convinced it is rooted in some realm of womanhood that I am not privy too. I would love to know the answer, but again, as a dude, I don't see what the issue is. As I mentioned to her, a lot of the joy I get as being her submissive is how things are framed, the overall guiding perspective of the actions I do for her and her response to them, as well as the things she does for me. So, somehow, the perspective of why I do the dishes and the limits on my self pleasure is not quite in its proper place for her yet.

I enter quicksand easily. On one hand I am always trying to anticipate her wishes and acting on them, on the other hand, when I try to use my intuitive knowledge, I hit the roadblock of trying to figure out what goes on in a womans head. She doesn't understand why I as a male, like things framed a certain way and I don't understand why as a female, she likes things framed a certain way.......................Arrrrghh, I'm getting my headache again.!!!!!!!!!!

But, it is all good. She knows that I am sincerely trying, it is rooted in me trying to put her wishes ahead of mine. Because of the sincerity of my actions, she is willing to try on her end. So, net result, we are having fun on this journey together!

darn

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nice night

I gave her a list of bills that are coming up. I have already asked that she take the reins in the financial arena and I think she will do it. She saw a deficit coming up and got worried. I should have told her that those kind of deficits are what I had to deal with for 20 years, but that somehow we get by everytime. But, it will take some experience for her to be able to keep the emotional financial lion in its cage and only let it out when she opens the door. Most times the lion just roams around her day, I hope she can learn to cage it. We'll be fine.

She went to watch a show and came home around 10pm. I was "bursting" with submission, if that makes sense. I finally asked her if I could rub her feet while she was watching tv. She said yes, I asked her if she wanted to move on the couch to be more comfortable. She said she was quite comfortable and that I could get on the floor. I think she knew it would get to me, which it did and even now I am smiling. After the news came on, I asked her if I could stop with the foot worship and head upstairs for a shower. She said, "No, not yet." After a few more minutes, she said I could go and shower. It is probably not possible for her to know what just those two things meant to me. I really like being under her "umbrella," know that sounds corny and not meant to be unmanly, I just love being under her spell and her using that spell on me. It is kind of like another fella said when his wife was playfully interacting with him while doing yardwork,........... "But the more I think about it, the most stimulating aspect was that she was participating in something sexual within the realm of her position in a wife-led marriage. And I'll tell you, it kept my motor running until, well it's still running."

I know tonight a couple of her favorite shows are on, I wonder if she will allow herself pleasure by using me, both in the family room and later.

After the shower, she allowed me to kiss her whole body, eventually getting to her "center" orally, to which I hit the home run and she had the big "O". She serviced me some orally (she does love my manhood) and generally caressed me then announced that she was saving my cum for tomorrow night. She asked me to lightly caress her back until she fell asleep. I need to work on that, I was chatty and generally emotionally excited. I kept spooning her tight, I wanted to be inside her skin, and not just sexually. I chatted too long, I couldn't help it. I need to work on ending things when she wants to, she needs more sleep than I do. It was so good, I really appreciate her trying, I know it is work for her but I hope it is getting easier as time passes.

oops.

I hit the alarm and settled back into the covers. Mistake. she rustled a little while later and quickly got out of bed. I eventually got up after she was showered. I told her, "please don't be mad, I did hear the alarm," half joking of course. It does happen and she knows that 9 times out of 10, I am good about getting her up in plenty of time and I think she gives me plenty of grace. But, I did feel badly about it. She said jokingly, "you want me to be mad don't you?" Well...... maybe.

I was in a funk last night, wasn't too cooperative, though I tried. But, we did have a nice family outing and bite to eat. I did wait for her to go to bed and applied the lotion, want her to know that even though in a funk, I still desire to submit to her, sometimes more really. Over weekend, there were a few times she asserted herself. One time, we were on couch channel surfing, well, me anyway. She got tired of it and told me to give her the remote, with a look like she meant it and was going to see if I complied. I did. We had a minor disagreement later. She wanted to sit on couch and us watch some tv and a movie, with her leaning against me. That is great, but she cannot watch tv with any distractions. So, me trying to get a little frisky was out of the question. Heck, even me playing with her hair is a distraction. I said, "what am I, just a beanbag? I have to sit perfectly still?" I don't want to have sex or get spanked or anything, but a "little movement would not be too bad," I said. But, on reflection, I am going to get better. It makes her feel good to sit next to me and I have decided that is enough. I will be a beanbag if she wants, it does mean something to her to just be close and I realize it now. Now, maybe during commercials.........

I also did a pretty good "oops" at the tail end of our session the other night. Not going to say what it was, all you women out there will collectively nail me. Suffice to say, I, in a moment of weakness, acted like a man. It won't happen again.

I miss her, can't wait to see her tonight, wonder what kind of mood she will be in, wonder if she will be assertive and comfortable with my submission, wonder is she will use and exploit me. If she does, she does, not my place to give her hints, want it to happen because she wants it to. She looked good again leaving, heck, she looks good all the time.

cat's out of the bag

A good weekend, Friday night she was kind enough to allow us a nice time together. She was horny and I did my best, though we did have to use one of her battery operated friends to help her get where she wanted. But that was after a great time of sex where she was kind enough during the session to apply her hand to my backside a few times. It wasn't too much, I think with the kids around, she is pretty subdued with it. I offered to get a belt for her, I think it is less work on her, plus it feels just bad enough to be good. But, it is a little loud, though not as loud as her hand. I don't think she likes using a belt, prefers using her hand, but it hurts her hand more than it should, so, would love to find a tool she is comfortable with. I mentioned a wide hairbrush a couple of days ago, but don't think she remembered. I don't know why I like for her to spank me, it sounds weird, but I feel so submissive, I crave it at almost any time, in or out of the bedroom and for her to bring it in or ask me to go get it, adds to the submission.

Sunday, she finally read some emails I sent to her a couple of weeks ago. She has been real busy. I also gave her the recorded Confessional tape from Around Her Finger. She took a couple of hours to digest some information and I did give her this blog site and tools for posting on this blog. She read it, I think all of it, but not entirely sure. She was going to post something, but when she was working on it, it got busy around the house so she had to abandon it.

She did like the sites listed here, especially Lady Julia's, loved the pictures and poetry.

I love being part of the plan

She told me early last week, that each night, she wants me to put lotion on her hands and feet every night as a "moisturizing plan" for her. Before that comment, I would always try to kneel beside the bed on her side, since putting lotion on is easier for my back when I kneel. Plus, I love the servitude stance on kneeling. But, until that time, she has felt wierd when each night I would be on my knees without a reason. Now there is a reason, each night I am there and if she wants to continue the actions, she can, if not, she can say, "That is fine, get in bed."

This morning, she is doing some shopping. As usual, she was running a little behind. "you have two minutes to get lotion on my hands and feet, going from the knees down." "Yes Ma'am," I love being part of the plan.

Plus, since I am now such a "lotion" giver, my hands smell like gardenia all day. It reminds me of her.

mornings

It's really funny. She is not a morning person, getting out of bed, though necessary, is still a violation. All I want in life is for her to love me as much as she loves the covers. But, it is totally unattainable.

The good news is that I can play around more since she is barely functioning. So, each morning I start off with calling her Master. I know she doesn't want that in our life, I don't either, it is an over the top joke about our D/s relationship. So, I call her that and she is so sluggish she just lets it go. This morning, I ran out early for her tea, came home, woke her up, carried her lifeless body (figuratively) to the shower, where she came to life after about 3 minutes of absorbing the hot water. When she got out, I put her in a chair, gave her the tea and a newspaper, blow dried her hair and put lotion on her feet and hands. I did it like a NASCAR pit crew, made it in record time, did not want to waste her time in getting to work. When done, I let her finish up on her own. If she called me back in, I would have sprinted back for service, but she didn't, likes a few minutes without me in her face to get ready........All in all, it is fun.

There is a double edged sword about the D/s that sometimes is hard to get. She wants hints on what I want because she doesn't understand it all yet but I feel if I give her hints, it lessens the submissive feelings I crave. For instance, I have been a little down the past couple of days, the world is kicking me pretty good. So, her natural inclination probably is to either give me space or pile on some niceness. And that is good. But sometimes, I want her to take me to another place that is not in this world (not literally of course). I want her to take me to the bedroom, be as demanding as possible, use and abuse me. I want to spend all that time serving my Queen, even if my Queen is just using me for sport and fun. For instance, I want her to sit in her chair, watch her favorite show while she is ordering me to rub lotion on her, give her a shoulder massage, brush her hair out and then, and when each commercial break happens, put me over her knee and spank me until the show starts again and then order me to resume the body worship. After her show, I then want her to do unspeakable things to me, the more the merrier, the longer the better. I want to be her whore and slut. I don't want to think, I want to do or have something done to me. I want to get to that trance like place where she is my only focus and not the worlds problems. .................But the rub is, if I gave her hints that that is what I need, then it is not as good because the big draw is that she is doing this of her own volition and not just playing out a script that I gave her. Net result, I want her to think of the service of me to her, and the unspeakables, and to know the motivation behind me wanting all of this. But she has no clue yet the "whys" or the "hows" to get there. But that is not her fault, she is trying, it must be hard to understand everything from a "Dominants" viewpoint when trying to do things for the "submissive." Sometimes it probably doesn't make sense, trying to understand that her doing things selfishly, demanding, bitchy, is what I need, not the nice things one would naturally assume to be in order for someone down in the dumps.

So, of course, this D/s is just as hard for the D, sometimes probably harder, than it is for the "s." The "s" just does the things, the D has to mastermind the whole event.

It is three things, one I want her to read my mind so she can really do what I need. Two, if she really could read my mind, she might find out what a creep I really am and kick me to the curb. And three, the times that I want these are only times I need some extra loving attention, all the rest of the time I just want to serve her and that pleasure is enough for me.

The tables have turned. In past, I was supposed to know what she wanted without her actually saying it. Now, it is 180 degrees the other way, she should know what I want without me actually having to say it.

Why can't it be easy!!!!

ramblings

One of the things that I have read and have mentioned to her, that we think is really a stretch, is the notion that women, just by virtue of their sex, are better than men. I think a lot of women particularly do not agree with this assessment, certainly my wife. It devalues her if she thinks she married someone that does not measure up to an ideal that she set for a husband. If she thought I was a bum (which, by the way, most times I am), she never would have married me. Further, how does one describe the definition of "better," what makes one sex better than the other, what makes one person better than the other? The definitions really are not measure able, so it becomes a moot argument. If you drew a line down the middle of a piece of paper and put strengths on one side and weaknesses on the other, then maybe one can make a comparison. Based on that comparison, I do believe that my wife is "better" than me because I believe that her "net" between her strengths and weaknesses are higher than my net. But, I do not necessarily think that it is because she is simply a woman and I a man. My "net" is pretty high also, I betcha I am "better" than alot of women I know and it wouldn't surprise me if many men had a higher "net" than my wife. But, where the rubber hits the road, in our relationship, is that fortunately alot of her strengths are where I have weaknesses and alot of my strengths are where she has weaknesses. Unfortunately, it took me 20 years of being in charge for me to understand that a Loving Female Led relationship, for us, maximizes the combination of the two of us. It makes the two of us together greater than the sum of the two of us. I was in charge for 20 years and screwed things up. Dr. Phil says the best predictor of future events is past events. So, trying to be a wise person, evaluating the past, just like we do in business, the realization is clear that she needs to run the household, we will be better off in another 20 years if she is running things instead of me. Does that make me a wimp to let her lead, don't think so, it makes me wise I think. By looking at all the variables and coming to a prudent conclusion, we have a sound plan for the future. Now, all I have to do is convince her!!! This is not exactly the marriage model we grew up believing.

Embracing the inherent differences in women and men, one comes to this understanding. If a man is leading a woman, the woman does not want to "feel" like she is being led, but that she is coerced to come to the same decision as the man. She doesn't want to be told what we as a couple are doing, she wants to be nudged into the same decision that the man has already made in his head. Actually, most men will make the decision regardless of whether the woman has objections, because why, he is the boss. And just like in business, a boss lots of times is on "an island" and has to make alot of the hard decisions by himself. regardless of input from those underneath him. That is the way we guys are, .......we follow orders and give orders,.............. is really cut and dry, not much room for interaction from anyone. Is that strength of men? I don't think so, I think a wise man does try to gain insight from others in an important decision, but most of us are not sensitive to this concept.

When a woman leads, she seeks input from others, wants a consensus. She can make the hard decisions, ones she knows will not please everyone, she knows the buck stops with her, but she does try and get involvement.

So, when I, as a man, seek to submit to my wife, I want to do it in an authoritative kind of way. Your the boss, I will give you input if you ask for it, but at the end of the day, your the boss and my job is to do what you say and to make you look good..... Period...... Whats next. ..That is why the verbal ques that Lady Julia was talking about are so important to a guy. We don't want to be nudged, we feel better when things are direct and straightforward. We want our boss (in this instance our wife) to know that we are obedient, loyal soldiers in our army. I will give you my input on matters because I think I have valuable insights, but, at the end of the day, I have chosen personally for you to be the leader...........I know you will make bad decisions but I also know you will make good decisions and ultimately, we will be in a better position when all is said and done.

The kicker though is this. Whereas in a typical business situation, the submissive is paid by the boss in dollars. You get a paycheck. That makes it all worthwhile. Unfortunately, some women, including my wife right now, do not understand that the compensation for me submitting to my boss (her) is not dollar currency, but sexual currency. The more you exploit, use, command, tease, spank us, especially from, but not necessarily limited to, a sexual standpoint, the more we will follow your lead. Hey, I know that we men are pigs, but that is the payoff. Further, we would rather be paid a little bit, all the time, instead of a lot at one time. Exploiting us several times a day for a week is better than nothing all week followed by a great sexual session on Friday night. We definitely want the big session, but also crave the little ones along the way.

I married her for alot of reasons, but one of the reasons is I think she is the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world. No other woman can get me going like her. She consumes my sexual imagination. But, she also hides it from me, doesn't use it for or against me, she thinks that she can only bring out that tiger sporadically, that good girls do not overtly exercise that mindset. But, and I have mentioned this to her before, whether she thinks it is out there or not, her sexiness is out there anyway, even when she doesn't think she is exercising it. Last night, our 18 year old daughter came in with a girlfriend of hers, We were at our sons school ball game and the girlfriend mentioned that John, an 18 year old friend of theirs, thought my wife was "hot." I have mentioned to her many times that she has infamous "it." Now, oc course "it" is hard to define, but she definitely has "it." People are drawn to her, with and without her sexualness. But she suppresses, for whatever reason, her sexualness, especially with me. An example, when she showers in the morning, I am usually around. I get up earlier and am up and running, but I am a pig and I like to go in when she is getting ready, I like to see her naked body, I love to see her blow drying her hair, putting on makeup, lipstick, etc. But, when I am in there, she thinks nothing sexual, she is just getting ready for work and just happens to be naked, it's just a part of life to her.......I mean, to her, she has to get ready for work! what is the big deal? I would love for her to say, "come blow dry my hair," knowing that it is a sexual turn on for me, while all the time I am blow drying, she has a wandering hand that is groping my crotch and playing with my nipples, telling me the whole time how she knows that I am pussy whipped by her and she loves just teasing me. Multiply that type of thing a couple times a day, and that is the currency that we want to be paid in. Know it sounds stupid, but it is the truth, I think anyway.

She still hasn't mentioned reading the blog again, will not make a hint, want her to want it.

Sorry for long winded diatribe. Not meaning all is not good, all is, she is engaged I am just trying to seduce her dominance by my submission.

She put her lipstick and sunglasses on inside before she went to the car. She looked so good I almost lost it! She probably doesn't even know the effect it had on me. Imagine if she did and did that knowing and commenting on how lucky I was to have such a "hot" wife!! ....... that would be something!

weekend

after she came home from a couple hours, she was happy to see that we did get some work accomplished around the house without her instead of just lounging around and then getting to work when she got home (our former way of doing things we are not too keen on doing). But, got some help from kids, got some things busted out before she got here and then continued Sat. afternoon and most of Sunday doing things around and outside of house. I think she appreciated that I was engaged and doing things even though it was things I really don't like to do. But, I was happy that it made her happy.

Saturday evening, she let me do some things to her and then ordered me to do her. She has been having some issues inside her that make intercourse not the greatest thing in the world to her, but she said there is nothing like having me do her, hearing my breathing change and ultimately coming in her. I, of course, want to make her happy, so I obliged :). She even, while I was in her said, "you like the way that I just ordered you to fuck me instead of you just fucking me don't you!" "Yes, very much." I made a point of really trying to cuddle with her afterward, something that in past was not easiest thing to do, but now I try hard to because I know it makes her happy.

Sunday was work in yard and I think she enjoyed doing a little ordering of me. In times past, when I have reached critical mass with not wanting to do anymore, I would retreat and head inside while she piddled for a while. This time I made sure she was done with me and asked if we were done. She told me to do about another 10 minutes of work, work I would have postponed before, but I put my head down and did it. I think she noticed, maybe was even testing me a little to see if I would do it. But, I did, was pleased that I did too.

I asked her if when our work situation stabilized, if she would be willing to take a 1/2 day off each week and just hammer out the bills and mail. It is something I am horrible at and I know she can do a much better job. She said she would absolutely love to do this. I am looking forward to that immensely.

I asked her if I did good this weekend. She said she must not give me enough praise. I said that is not it, just for some reason, I like to hear her acknowledge what I have done. Just a reminder from her verbally goes a long way. She doesn't quite understand that yet. Not that I was a "good little boy" but that she appreciated that I tried to make sure she was in charge and that I was obedient to her wishes.

She sort of asked me if I was happy that I came on Saturday. I avoided the questions, she asked while a bunch of other things were going on and I wasn't sure of the answer but would give it a shot if she asked again, which she didn't. My answer is yes, I was happy, but I hope she understands that it doesn't mean I am not eager to be submissive afterward, or the day or two afterward. I want to get back on the horse as soon as possible so she knows that my attentiveness toward her does not wane when she allows me release.

Would love to have comments from those who wish too. Getting others perspective is really great. At some point, I imagine she will ask about this blog again and I will suggest that she read and post anytime she wants to.

still good

last night, she didn't feel too well. So I just took the opportunity to be unselfish and offered to just rub her back and such until we fell asleep. I know it is strange for her, I have literally told her in the past that just naked cuddling and caressing gets me so turned on that I want to finish. Now I am asking her to let me do it just as an act of loving kindness without a need for reciprocation. She must be confused, I would be. Which does she believe? I guess my answer is go with what is happening now.

I told her I was doing a blog. She asked what was the name...."frustrated sub?" I didn't take offense, thought it was funny. She asked when she got to read it. I told her I wasn't sure. I don't know why I told her. I think ultimately I would love for her to post comments here also, seems like it would be a great way of communicating. I will wait and see how motivated she is to seeing it, not sure it will come up again, sometimes "out of site, out of mind."

I am happy, we are closer than ever before, I feel a real strong bond and I wish she would accept, use, exploit and understand my "servitude." She's working at it and that is good.

She had to go in for a few hours today, again, she looked real good!

nice evening

Had some more conversation before work, nothing deep, but about LFA. Tonight was really good. When we went to bed, we just lounged around on bed, caressing, talking. I told her that yes visually we guys are definitely turned on but that it is a huge turn on from an audio standpoint as well. Not the moans and groans of great sex, though that is great, but the words she uses when she is consciously referring to LFA items is a major reinforcer and it is important to hear her talk as if she is in authority or that I (or my body) are her personal possession. She kind of understands the authority babble I gave her, but she didn't exactly say that my manhood belonged to her, thought that was weird. Oh well, we made a joke about it and moved on, wasn't a big deal, frankly it does sound stupid, but it is the mindset that is the fun part.

It was nice, very relaxed, enjoyable for both. She did not want anything sexually done to her but she did fondle my goods and played with my nipples (which is a huge turn on) the whole time. After about 30 minutes, she said that was enough and time for sleep. I told her everything in me is raging but I will show her how good I am getting at this and we drifted off to sleep (well, she did anyway) with our arms and legs intertwined.

Today as you can imagine, I am thinking of her a bunch. Wondering if we are going to have any fun time tonight.

late night talking

when we were in the bedroom, she said that it has been about 4 days since my last "release" and that she really wasn't in the mood but she would let me have a release if I wanted. I told her, if it is my choice, I choose not to tonight. She had a hard time understanding. I told her, in a perfect world, I would love to be able to give her a release every night and she give me one every 4-5 days. She said that is contrary to everything I have said in all the years of our marriage. It is true, I understand how she can be confused.

So, last night turned into an hour long conversation. she still thinks I am trying to manufacture some kinkiness, she recognizes she is "vanilla," but does not think that is a problem. I agree, it is not a problem, I told her I want her to be the most she can be, this whole lifestyle is about her being just that. I don't want her to be something she is not, I want to submit to her in all her personal glory, but it does take some action on her part. I told her she just doesn't understand the whole dynamic of it, she says she does understand and that I just say she doesn't understand because she is not doing it the way I want her to. Maybe she is right, I really don't think so, but am trying to reflect personally on my end to try.

Again, she is a great person, is trying and we just have to realize that it is a work in progress and she is working at it and I am thankful for that, so all is good.

some talking

I have been trying to be respectful, she is still kind of, don't know, blue maybe. So, trying not to do anything to make matters worse, trying to show support by being close but not in her face. So, when she is leaving for work today, she asks me what is the matter. I told her she seems like she has a rain cloud over her head (like the cartoons) and I was just attempting to be supportive. She thinks it is a scheme or something. "What do you want?" she says. " I don't want anything." "It has been real busy hasn't it?" "I said, yes, but I am never too busy to think of you."

She didn't take too kindly to that. She compartmentalizes. There is work, kids, social, parents, husband, etc. She does not integrate them unless she needs too. So, the husband usually takes the backseat unless the husband fusses, which I didn't. But by me trying to be respectful, she senses resentment. So, if I am in her face, she complains, if I keep my distance, she complains. She said, "you are so much work." Wow, I have dedicated my life to serving her and when I retreat out of respect for her feelings, I am too much work. I told her to have a good day and just walked back inside (I always walk her to the car when she leaves).

This morning, I as usual took the kids to school while she sleeps, stopped by her favorite drink place and got a "designer tea" for her, came back to house, made her a poached egg, took her the drink and egg for breakfast, started on some laundry, and all this before 8am. But, somehow I am too much work. Holy moly.

But, it is not fatal, in fairness to her, she is that way. It is not a bitchy way, she just is the sort of person that only attacks what is in front of her for the moment. So, unless I make a point of being in front of her, I am behind whatever is in front of her. Not the end of the world, she is just that way. I just keep plugging away, she is a good person and I suppose sometimes it takes the crappy days to make the good days that much better. Marriage is work sometimes.

car dealership

I followed her to the car dealership. We were going to drop off her car for some diagnostics and I was going to take her to work. On the phone the dealership told me it would be $22.95 for the diagnostic but when in the service bay the advisor said it would be $99.00. I initially fussed with the advisor for a second but my wife jumped in and said "wait a minute, you told him on the phone yesterday $22.95 but now your telling us $99, which is it?" The advisor said the person on the phone yesterday must have made a mistake, it is $99. She said then, "well, I am not spending $99 right now, I will have to come back some other time." They chatted a couple more lines as I just faded into the background.

I don't remember another time where in the presence of both of us she used the "I" pronoun instead of the "we" pronoun, not even sure she remembers doing it. But it was nice to see her confidence.

We are going through a tough time with our business. So, last night, she was in a depressed, kind of in an overwhelmed state of mind. In times past, I would just try and get into her space and try to coax a smile or joke out of her. But, with the "new me," I sensed she didn't need that, she needed to vent and respond in her own way. So, around 10pm, I asked her if it would be allright for me to just go and shower and get in bed. She said okay, I did, she eventually came to bed and I tried not to bother her. It was not easy but I felt it the right thing.

I know I am impatient at times, wish she would just formally acknowledge and go headlong into teasing/denial, corporal activities and other things, instead of just once in a while, but I have come to realize that she needs to get there in her own time, not artificially manufactured by my little hints and such A fellow on another page said it best.

The last thing I would say is that men tend to be highly impatient when it comes to wanting things how they want them. Getting to a FLR is a process. Allow it to unfold and maybe take some time to marvel at witnessing her coming into her own...and if you take a minute, marvel at your own unraveling as you let go of control.

Maybe she will call today just to have a little playful, sexual banter, to reinforce to me how I think she is wonderful and that she knows I think she is wonderful .........and not for us to try and solve all the worlds problems. She looked so good when she left this morning. I doubt it will happen, but there is always hope.

buddy

forgot to mention. I have asked her if she would think up a name for me that she would use that would be our signal that she is thinking of a Female Led relationship. I have tried to call her Mistress or Madam or Princess but she has squashed those, they sound too silly to her. So, I call her "Dear"........yes Dear, I will....... But, she thought of some but we never really hit on any. I asked her to call me Sweetie but she said she sounds like a waitress doing that and doesn't like it. However, I noticed a couple of times in the past month that she used "buddy" when she talked to me. I liked that! Kind of reinforced that submission thing. So, I made the blog with that in mind. I am her "buddy"! But, alas, when I asked if that was a name she could go with, she said no, it doesn't quite sound right to her. So, back to square one, but she is trying, so that is good.

first post

Okay, first post, don't know why I am blogging, never have, but here goes.

Around Thanksgiving, after hitting and studying some of the Wife Led websites, I became very interested in the dynamics. It seemed to hit home in every aspect of my inner feelings. I have always been enamored with females, especially my wife. We have mentioned on many occasions through the years that "I have a crush" on her. Honestly, sometimes it seemed overwhelming to her. For me, in learning the Female Led way, it seemed to have all the pieces fit together in a way that I could "serve" her. I felt like I was always trying to do things for her but did not know why......this gave me a game plan that I thought would be beneficial for both. I love doing things for her, always have, she on the other hand does not think quite so giving. She is, just not her nature to pick something up for me while out and about, but I seem to have the knack.

Anyway, I found enough nerve to talk to her about this, it was a real stretch for me and I was not sure how she would handle it. She took it in stride, but was extremely skeptical, it seemed like another one of my "grand" plans to spice up our sex life. But, she could not discount the behaviours I had exibited through the years did seem to match up with the basic tenants of this lifestyle. She agreed to "not discount it" but it was not an overwhelming acceptance.

So, it has been a slow process, I am hoping that just through my unconditional consistency she will formally agree to become the "head of our household." She has not as yet but I believe she is getting closer.

After 4 months of consistent actions on my part, though, sometimes it is frustrating. In fits of exasperation I have mentioned to her that I cannot believe she does not fully embrace this lifestyle, the benefits to her are so many and so good. Not counting the fact that I do not pressure her for sex anymore, just the level of unabashed communication that we share now is totally off the charts, never been so open with her and she with me. But, she still has this "it must be too good to be true" mentality coupled with the "I am waiting for the other shoe to drop" mindset. So, I just stay focused and from my end, hoping that the layers of doubt she has will be stripped away one at a time.

So, we have had times that were good, times that stroked my submissive desires. But, she has not yet learned totally that I crave her "authority," that not just doing things for her but the fact that she expects me to do things for her is just as important as the task itself.

So, will keep at it, maybe post when I feel like it, it seems to help to write things down perhaps.