hmm..

I have come to a milestone. I think a FLR relationship is full of milestones. I have been involved in intelligent discourse here on this board and with my wife for about a month on this whole subject, a submissives "needs and wants."

Here where I am at now.I asked my wife to become the Head of our Relationship, to Lead and I would follow. I told her that I trusted that her instincts were better than mine and that as a team, we would flourish if I relenquished the reins and gave them over to her. By doing that, I have said to her that I trust her, that she will do what is best for me and for us.

Actually, I think of myself as pretty smart to do that. I am not trying to boil it down to a business equation, but I am familiar with that. Namely, if I am engaged in a business that is either just getting by or even floundering, I as a good steward of that business needs to leave ego at the door and put in place new methods that grow the business. Same with me in my relationship. I came to understanding that she would be a better leader than I. Now she has a different leadership style than me, frankly one that is foreign to me...it is more demure, softer. But, that does not mean she does not have the appropriate skills.......just a different delivery method. And if I am reallyserious about the power exchange, I need to just get out of the way and let her lead. Really similar to a US President leaving office. Outgoing Prez may be asked by many his opinion, may even be asked by the current President, but, he says, "hey, I am not the guy anymore, I am under the new Presidents leadership just like the rest of us, you need to talk to him." Most outgoing Presidents have said the same thing.....the best thing I can do is to just get out of the way and let the new guy lead without any distractions from me.

Maybe that is a bad example, but I think the principle is the same. Leading is not easy, especially if you are a woman who has, though agreed, been thrust into a role she has not held, nor maybe even tried to assume. Can she do it, yes, she has the skills. But I think I have been under the assumption that she could get right into the drivers seat and drive just like me. But, if I am a reasonable man, which I think I am, I would not expect that in a business "changing of the guard" so why would I expect that in a relationship.

The key element is that I trust that she will lead us to a better place. It will be different, I knew that early on, but IF I really trust both her, and the system of FLR, then I need to suck it up and do the right thing and just give my leader time to hone her skills without me constantly advising her on what she needs to remember and do.

Having said that, though I am glad she knows my kinks and desires, I am a little ashamed that I have been hammering it home. If I put myself in her shoes, I would have said, back off dude, how in the world can I lead if you are second guessing or "advising" me on every issue.

So, here is the trust issue. It is a conditional trust if I say to her, "I want you to lead but you have to do it my way." Heck, in a business situation I would tell the other party, "sorry, no deal, if you want my input to help out this situation, I will do it only if you back off."

But, .....she loves me, sees that my submissiveness is ingrained in me, understands in her heart that we would flourish with her in the lead, knows she has the skills to succeed, but is cautious at all of a sudden waking up one day and assuming the leadership.

So, "wants vs. needs." Part of the trust is that she will administer them to me in ways that make us better. Does she not want to see me happy? Does she not want to give me my treats? Of course not, she is a good person, she wants to make me happy. But, if I trust her, I need to just be a good soldier and understand that to follow means just that, to follow. And she will value her leadership role and will try to be the best leader she can and that in doing so, it means taking care of her subordinates "needs and wants." Can I put things in a suggestion box for the leader to read? Of course, but my job is to ONLY put it in the suggestion box....end of story. Her job is to read it and act on it if she chooses.

I can tell her about the commonality of different species, the similarity to humans and chimps, cover her up with statistical and empirical data that shows that we are pack animals and need a defined leader. But the difference is that we as humans have ..............opposable thumbs. We are more intelligent than chimps. We have a "free will" that chimps do not. A chimp does that behaviour because he is not capable of any other behaviour.......we as humans make our decisions and they may contradict generel species rules. So accepting a leaderhship role as a human is a choice.....not species rule.

I see so many blogs and such where FLR ran out of steam, bunch of "crybaby guys" saying, "if she would only get it." Being real, real honest....I would not accept a business situation with the those terms, namely, "I will take control but you are going to control how I take control." So, why would I think that she would accept those terms in our relationship........ simply because I presented them to her.

So, if all us guys are going on with the "Women are more superior than men" mantra, then why don't we put our actions with our mouths and give them room to grow without our badgering.

Sorry it was long winded, I am now sounding like a Lady I think, ...but that is not a bad thing,......I think they are really cool!!