mornings

It's really funny. She is not a morning person, getting out of bed, though necessary, is still a violation. All I want in life is for her to love me as much as she loves the covers. But, it is totally unattainable.

The good news is that I can play around more since she is barely functioning. So, each morning I start off with calling her Master. I know she doesn't want that in our life, I don't either, it is an over the top joke about our D/s relationship. So, I call her that and she is so sluggish she just lets it go. This morning, I ran out early for her tea, came home, woke her up, carried her lifeless body (figuratively) to the shower, where she came to life after about 3 minutes of absorbing the hot water. When she got out, I put her in a chair, gave her the tea and a newspaper, blow dried her hair and put lotion on her feet and hands. I did it like a NASCAR pit crew, made it in record time, did not want to waste her time in getting to work. When done, I let her finish up on her own. If she called me back in, I would have sprinted back for service, but she didn't, likes a few minutes without me in her face to get ready........All in all, it is fun.

There is a double edged sword about the D/s that sometimes is hard to get. She wants hints on what I want because she doesn't understand it all yet but I feel if I give her hints, it lessens the submissive feelings I crave. For instance, I have been a little down the past couple of days, the world is kicking me pretty good. So, her natural inclination probably is to either give me space or pile on some niceness. And that is good. But sometimes, I want her to take me to another place that is not in this world (not literally of course). I want her to take me to the bedroom, be as demanding as possible, use and abuse me. I want to spend all that time serving my Queen, even if my Queen is just using me for sport and fun. For instance, I want her to sit in her chair, watch her favorite show while she is ordering me to rub lotion on her, give her a shoulder massage, brush her hair out and then, and when each commercial break happens, put me over her knee and spank me until the show starts again and then order me to resume the body worship. After her show, I then want her to do unspeakable things to me, the more the merrier, the longer the better. I want to be her whore and slut. I don't want to think, I want to do or have something done to me. I want to get to that trance like place where she is my only focus and not the worlds problems. .................But the rub is, if I gave her hints that that is what I need, then it is not as good because the big draw is that she is doing this of her own volition and not just playing out a script that I gave her. Net result, I want her to think of the service of me to her, and the unspeakables, and to know the motivation behind me wanting all of this. But she has no clue yet the "whys" or the "hows" to get there. But that is not her fault, she is trying, it must be hard to understand everything from a "Dominants" viewpoint when trying to do things for the "submissive." Sometimes it probably doesn't make sense, trying to understand that her doing things selfishly, demanding, bitchy, is what I need, not the nice things one would naturally assume to be in order for someone down in the dumps.

So, of course, this D/s is just as hard for the D, sometimes probably harder, than it is for the "s." The "s" just does the things, the D has to mastermind the whole event.

It is three things, one I want her to read my mind so she can really do what I need. Two, if she really could read my mind, she might find out what a creep I really am and kick me to the curb. And three, the times that I want these are only times I need some extra loving attention, all the rest of the time I just want to serve her and that pleasure is enough for me.

The tables have turned. In past, I was supposed to know what she wanted without her actually saying it. Now, it is 180 degrees the other way, she should know what I want without me actually having to say it.

Why can't it be easy!!!!