some talking

I have been trying to be respectful, she is still kind of, don't know, blue maybe. So, trying not to do anything to make matters worse, trying to show support by being close but not in her face. So, when she is leaving for work today, she asks me what is the matter. I told her she seems like she has a rain cloud over her head (like the cartoons) and I was just attempting to be supportive. She thinks it is a scheme or something. "What do you want?" she says. " I don't want anything." "It has been real busy hasn't it?" "I said, yes, but I am never too busy to think of you."

She didn't take too kindly to that. She compartmentalizes. There is work, kids, social, parents, husband, etc. She does not integrate them unless she needs too. So, the husband usually takes the backseat unless the husband fusses, which I didn't. But by me trying to be respectful, she senses resentment. So, if I am in her face, she complains, if I keep my distance, she complains. She said, "you are so much work." Wow, I have dedicated my life to serving her and when I retreat out of respect for her feelings, I am too much work. I told her to have a good day and just walked back inside (I always walk her to the car when she leaves).

This morning, I as usual took the kids to school while she sleeps, stopped by her favorite drink place and got a "designer tea" for her, came back to house, made her a poached egg, took her the drink and egg for breakfast, started on some laundry, and all this before 8am. But, somehow I am too much work. Holy moly.

But, it is not fatal, in fairness to her, she is that way. It is not a bitchy way, she just is the sort of person that only attacks what is in front of her for the moment. So, unless I make a point of being in front of her, I am behind whatever is in front of her. Not the end of the world, she is just that way. I just keep plugging away, she is a good person and I suppose sometimes it takes the crappy days to make the good days that much better. Marriage is work sometimes.