Her Buddy

2010-05-01T13:39:00.002-05:00

Still around, though not in WLM, lot going on in our lives. But I have come to find, I am totally submissive and the extent I can go, which is very deep, is up to her.

Holidays!!

2008-12-26T14:52:00.003-05:00

Well, the past couple of weeks have been really busy, with some personal issues and Christmas, we have been just exhausted almost every day. But Christmas yesterday was a lot of fun, most of family around, just had a great time with everyone.

Our FLR has simmered down. I don't like saying it but for the first time in a long while I just haven't felt submissive. So I haven't really shown her any "respect" as it were. I do still try to do most of the things that are just helpful from one spouse to another and I don't think she has felt any reduction of help. But the emotional end where I usually make a point of showing my allegiance every day just hasn't been there. And it apparently doesn't matter to her. She has yet to assert herself when I do not act like I should. And of late, what is wierd is I haven't cared if she did or not. So I wonder if when things settle down she will ramp up her expectations of me back to where it was or if I will just go back to it myself. My guess is the latter. I don't think my submissive light went out. It just went way down. But I feel it is getting brighter again. And she has been buried with work and Christmas and such. So it is not fair for me to point the finger at her, which I am not. Sometimes I feel dumb ramping up my submissiveness to her when she doesn't extract it. But I think that will happen before she decides to assert herself and reclaim her position of authority. I think it is who I am.....

still moving

2008-12-14T11:31:00.003-05:00

Yes I am still around. We have had a real busy couple of weeks. I do have some ebb and flow with my day to day submission but I never think that I will ever revert back to not being a submissive guy. I think it is part of who I am and I suppose it is about how much my wife wants to draw that out of me is the speed we go. She is not into correcting or polishing or leading my submissiveness to suit her. She just kind of goes with the flow, it is something I have to get used to. I want to be her helpmate, to make her the focus of our relationship, even to others.

No girls nights of late.

I find it is hard to think up things to say on this blog. I check it daily for comments and keep up with other blogs and enjoy reading and learning from them.

So if there is a topic you want me to share my thoughts let me know. I would love to be consisitent on journaling but run out of things worthy enough to spend the time her to document.

So, suggestions from Ladies or men for topics?

Worlds Wierdest Husband?

2008-11-14T14:03:00.002-05:00

We live in an area where kids are not going to come to our door on Halloween. This Halloween was a Friday night. She came home from work wondering what we were going to do. I said, I don’t care, whatever you want. She said she was kind of tired and wouldn’t mind just staying home. I mentioned, why don’t we just have a “girls night” in, we can get some wine, rent “Sex in the City”, put on some sexy lingerie and perfume and lay on the couch.”

She said okay (gulp…..she did?)

So we went out, got the movie and wine and snacks and came back. The whole time I was wondering how far she wanted to go. I do not wear ladies panties because she has not bought any for me or instructed me to do so, so I am not. But I do have some nice silky boxers that when I did buy I said to her was the most feminine thing I could find and she likes. So on with those, she puts on nice nightgown and she did allow me to put on her perfume but no lipstick. And so, we had a nice time, watched the movie, talked. It really allows my feminine side to come out when I am wearing something feminine. I don’t know why I like it though I do. I tried to act like two girlfriends watching a movie and did without being too far over the top.

Speaking only for myself, but knowing I am not alone, my fascination with the Feminine is not a kink, or a come-on, or something I do solely to get aroused (though I do). To the extent that I am able to indulge, I do so because it really "calls out" the softer, feminine side, and make it more comfortable and appropriate for "softer" behavior.

All men, in varying degrees, have estrogen in their systems; all women, to varying degrees, have testosterone. Society presses us into a forced choice of typical male or typical female - when, in fact, there are so many degrees of each between the polarities. It seems it is easier to be softer, less belligerent, more caring, more feeling, more submissive when wearing something so intimately feminine. So it seems it "draw out" the feminine rather than “to put it on.”

It is interesting to note the unfairness that women can wear about anything they like, masculine or feminine, while men are sentenced to a very limited range.

This draw to the feminine side has been an almost debilitating struggle for me since adolescence; feeling drawn to the Feminine Side of the Force and yet being burdened with the alpha male expectations.

[As in: am I gay, am I bi, am I a pervert, am I going insane....?]

I can still be Alpha Male in certain situations and as a submissive to my wife. I do not want her to become an Alpha Male either. I just think it is not necessary to have an Alpha Male personality in either one of us all the time. Sometimes being girlfriends is nice?

Times are different. Our son comes home from girlfriend with toenails painted, mascara on eyes. He inherited my gene it looks like big time and somehow it is not perceived as being as weird with today’s generation. I actually envied him that he had a girl that would engage in that fun, until I realized we as parents are not happy with the relationship he and this girl have on many other levels. He may be submissive but I don’t think he understands the dynamics of a “Loving Female Relationship” that I do as an older man. One who has it in proper perspective and whose wife does too. He is just “whipped” and doesn’t understand the why, just I think that he likes being “whipped.”

Only in recent years have I “given myself permission” [in therapy-speak] to examine, accept and embrace the inherent femininity of my psyche, of my personality. And to a much lesser extent, my wife allows it as well. She accepts this somewhat, though I don’t think she understands it at all. But she is open and realizes that both sexes have behaviors that are just foreign to the other. So for our “girl’s nights” she does what she can to indulge without getting to creeped out.

However, that I try to fully embrace my feminine urges, albeit discreetly and covertly is no more a matter of 'personal choice' than being an American or a Red Sox fan, it just is what it is, I didn’t create it, it just came with me out of the womb. My indulging in the feminine [not effeminate] is just the way I am. And to have a wife that understands, at least to some extent, is really nice. I don’t think she wants to overtly make me do overly feminine things, though I would, the humiliation of it with her would certainly feed my submissive side.

But I can’t push. I am so grateful she at least talks about it without screaming to the world......................... “I have the world’s weirdest husband!”

A New 'Do

2008-11-13T13:55:00.004-05:00

She had an interview for a new job. Also for the past three weeks we have been looking at internet for a new style for her. I have always been very possesive about her hair. Some men are leg guys, boob guys, butt guys.......I'm a hair guy, just love it.

So before she started looking she was actually looking by herself. I asked if I could help and we discussed how in the past she has felt pressured by me when it came to her hair. I asked her to give me a chance. So it became our project and we printed off possibilities and chatted and couldnt find exactly what she was looking for. So one day last week she emailed me and said that a girl at work came in with something exactly what she wanted. I asked if I could come by and look, but then just said, no reason for me to, if it is what you want, I don't have to see it. After all it is all about you. I think that was a big step, but it really was easy for me, but to her I think it showed more of the depth of my service to her.

So, she actually had a family member come to the house to do it. I was trying not to be too overboard by gawking, so I was just cutting my eyes her way as it was getting done. She would look at me directly with her beautiful eyes boring right at me. She knew I was going crazy and I think she smirked a couple of times at my discomfort. But I stayed in the background. I wanted the focus to be on her and not me. When all said and done, a lot shorter but so, so sexy. She even asked me in while cutting for some advise.

I thanked her later for letting me be a part of it. She thanked me for not going overboard. It was wonderful. Most nights when she gets her hair done we have exciting sex. That night was no different. She actually was in the lead for the session, had me lay down on stomach and wouldnt let me touch her as she moved all over me. I was in such subspace as I have heard it described. Almost in a trance, in a zone, nothing but her was going on. She even blindfolded me and took me from behind which is something she has done before but didnt seem to enjoy it. This time she seemed to enjoy it though I am not really sure but am not going to ask, but hope so. It was rewarding to be taken. She took her time and even pounded me pretty good near the end.

So we are definitely a Female Led Marriage and I am so happy. Not because of the kink above but I think she is realizing that it is good for us. I try real hard not to make it work for her and for her to see that the advantages for her to expect my obedience is an asset to her. I think she is getting more and more comfortable and is starting to enjoy it. It seems to much less work on her part than I think she initially thought it would be and she is allowing herself to direct me in more ways as to what she wants. It feels good to serve. It feels good to be accountable for my service. It feels good to be expected to serve. It would feel good to be punished actually if I did not meet expectations, but not sure we are there yet. But the intimacy we now share is so deep, so loving, so sincere that I truly consider myself the luckiest guy in the world. I hope she considers herself the luckiest girl in the world too!

We had a "girls night in" the other night. I'll tell you about that later.

Does She or doesn't She?

2008-11-02T11:18:00.004-05:00

A question posed by a commenter asked if my Wife was aware of my blog. The answer is yes, she is aware and does stay current and reads it.

She has a blog of her own that She just started that is listed to the right titled "The Mask." In talking we decided that it might be good for Her to start one of Her own and that perhaps people could make comments as She is learning to grow as My Dom as I learn to grow as Her sub.

In fact She has posed a question in Her blog that I think it interesting to all in a FLM. She even asked me if I was disappointed in Her post. The answer is no. I am not sure She is fully aware yet that my desire it to serve Her completely. But, and I may be wrong, I still think She equates the the "kinky sex" with too much weight. I do wish She would exhibit more dominant behaviour but 90% has nothing to do with sex. It has to do with accepting my gift of submission, requiring my obedience and expecting and correcting behaviour that is not acceptable. None of that includes sex. It is a need to serve, a need to put Her on a pedastal and for Her to comfortably accept, enjoy and require that I provide that in a fashion that is pleasurable to Her, correcting and guiding me as we go. I am not asking for role play. I want it real. She has so much charisma and instincts but for some reason I must seem to stifle it when all I want is for it to emerge fully and naturally and for me to be a helper if necessary in Her feeling comfortable enough to do that.

In writing this blog, it is wierd. I want to be able to write just whatever is in my head, the good, bad and ugly. But the risk is that with Her reading and staying current with this blog and it dovetailing with Her blog, it appears that I am trying to script the whole thing. I am not, I really believe that.

But it is a fine line to write what you are feeling about the one you love in a fashion of free, anonymous type expression but to also know they are reading it. I have come to the conclusion that as my Dominant partner, I will just write it with my heart and let the chips fall where they may. This is a situation, though I didn't think of it this way exactly in regards to blogging, that I considered before I approached Her with the thoughts on my being submissive to Her. I knew that there would be some situations where I would have to be totally transparent even if She were to see the transparency.

So I will continue writing the blog with the intent of just writing my heartfelt opinions in a quasi anonymous fashion without trying to clandestinely prompting Her specific Dominant behaviour.

Kind of tough. I am not ashamed to be transparent to Her even though I would not tell anyone in the entire world, but Her, what is deep within me. I love Her and divulging yourself entirely is something I guess which is a catch-22 in love, you want to but at the same time you are scared to.

Hey we are communicating, that must be a good thing.......( I HOPE)

to flirt or not to flirt

2008-10-30T08:55:00.001-05:00

The other night in conversation She mentioned that in a weird way She was feeling giddy because at work a client made a comment about how She was very attractive. Now I say that all the time but of course when coming from someone else if feels different, kind of taboo, exciting, after all She is a happily married woman. The thing of it is, She is gorgeous, She has the good fortune of having terrific genes. She is 45 and looks 30, really, she will attest to this and it is true. So people comment. If truth be told, She is probably hit on all the time and has been for a long time. But as the dutiful Southern Lady She is, She does not want to lead anyone on, send the wrong message and Lord have mercy……not send the wrong message to other Ladies (side note, I have found that the competition between Women far exceeds anything guys ever compete in, and woe be to the Woman who uses her physical attributes for personal gain or pleasure.) It is against the “code” of Women to use something as esoteric as looks to advance in front of other Women. Sometimes it seems the most beautiful Women can be the ones so messed up in the head because it seems they are their whole lives trying not to be a “cheap” girl and use or have fun with something that they have no control over and something that automatically puts them at the head of the line, being pretty.

Some women find their powers of attraction unsettling, even unwanted. They tend to keep the lid on their magnetism for good reason. One is obligation, “if I return the volley then it will seem like I am forward and I don’t want to offend him.” Or “if I respond he will think I want to sleep with him.” Women are raised to believe that the sexy part of themselves is wrong or bad, not the essence of their nature, that that their personal charms are for the use of men and not for their own pleasure and entertainment.

The fact is that flirtation is all about having fun. The goal is to amuse yourself which naturally lightens the atmosphere for everyone. The gift of flirting leaves the giver refreshed and the receiver enhanced. The thing is the Woman holds all the cards anyway. They control the game. They really are the hunters, not the hunted, even when they make it look the other way around. And every guy knows this and is spellbound by a Lady who is in control. A flirting situation never goes further than the Lady will allow, because again, She holds all the cards.

So we chatted, She said She is always uncomfortable, other than a cursory “thank you” which is polite, She never does anything else. She doesn’t know if it is “cheating” on me to innocently flirt. I told her that I just want her to feel good and if something were to bother me I would let her know. She also said that when we are together it can be weird because She doesn’t want to embarrass me. I also said I can take care of myself and if someone goes too far, to the point of disrespecting me, that I can take care of things between the offending dude and me.

As a submissive, it is for whatever reason intoxicating to be in the presence of a Woman who is using her feminine aura and further to know that that Woman owns me and that She is the focus of our relationship, that Her pleasure is my main goal in life. The magnetism and charm that others are so drawn to ultimately belongs to me but if it pleases Her to express it, it pleases me She is happy.

But, as I said to Her, if it is uncomfortable, don’t do it. Nothing should have to be contrived, that is what sends out wrong messages.

Do any other Ladies want to comment? Is flirting wrong? At what point does it go too far? Does flirting in the presence of your submissive husband enhance or detract from your relationship? Feel free to respond!!

Paid for by the submissive fellow who is owned by The Mask. I am John Smith and I approved this message. (political commercial attempt at humor, less than a week to go before the end of the nonsense)

TMI Tuesday

2008-10-28T09:17:00.001-05:00

TMI Tuesday - Firsts

This should be interesting...
1. Who and when was your first crush?
Jenny, 8th grade cheerleader. Somehow she got into a pinch and lost her locker and I offered for her to share mine. She accepted and all year we shared the same locker. By inference it meant we were going together but of course it wasn’t true. She was beautiful with and air of superiority about her, but she was always very nice to me. I think she sensed that I was no threat. I was her “locker boy” I think, kind of her servant. I know, a foreshadowing of things to come.

2. Who and when was your first date?
11th grade, took a girl to a concert in an auditorium that held 8,000 and my mother and brother went to same concert and actually sat five rows back in same section.

3. Who and when was your first kiss?
Melissa, 8th grade Science Lab. I don’t know how I scored but we were alone in the lab and she gave me a long, wet, sultry French kiss. Science was last class of day and I rode my bike home. I tasted her lipstick for hours and literally had a woody for the entire afternoon and evening.

4. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in car?
With the coolest of moves, somehow I convinced Holly to go to the car with me while at the club one day. She wanted to go I am pretty sure but she needed me to lead the action, but I was waiting for her and I was terrified. I really wanted to make out with her and I think she wanted too also. Hindsight says I should have just gently taken her hand, looked into her eyes and slowly moved in and I think it would have been a nice time for both. But I kept asking permission and she kept avoiding saying yes but she wasn’t saying no. She wanted me to make the move. Again the submissive in me I suppose. But after about 30 minutes of stupid babble talk on my part, we left the car. I think she could obviously tell I was mortified but I think she thought it kind of cute and didn’t “out” me to everyone about not scoring. But my “crew” knew where I was and when I got back up with them they quizzed me. Though I did not say what we did or didn’t do, by my silent answers to their direct questions, they inferred that I had gotten some. So, I was awarded the “dude who scored” award although they had no idea I struck out looking. But, hey, you take the credit where you can, it is the guys credo. But I felt bad for Holly though it never got back to her.

5. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in a house?
My wife before we were married. She was the “experienced” one and she led the action. Isn’t that special (spoken like Dana Carvey’s Church Lady)

6. Who and when was your first love?My wife after the second go around. I was a jock, played every sport and I think I used that to insulate me from girls, since I was terrified of them but also in awe of them. Looking back there were quite a few young ladies that would have accepted my advances but I couldn’t muster the courage. When my wife and I got together, once she led the romance end of it, I felt a deep connection, really a longing to serve though I didn’t know it at the time and have been smitten with her for 25 years. Kind of funny, she was the one who led the early action, kind of a foreshadowing to our FLR in my mind though it was years before we pieced together the roles.

Bonus: Who's blog did you first comment on?
I don’t know, don’t comment much and can’t remember.

What me? I am never bitchy.

2008-10-27T09:09:00.002-05:00

One of the things that seems to be a challenge is the notion of the Dominant Wife expressing displeasure with her sub husband. I know my wife thinks that if I screw up or show her improper respect, she is not going to go overboard and make a big deal about it, after all, "she is not my mother and I am a grown man," she has said.

Of course I know that she is not my mother, I do not want her to be my mother. However, I do want her to expect and require my respect and sometimes that requires her input. Last week, for some reason, probably because I felt she was not engaged enough, I sunk into a "non-submissive, I only care about me" funk. For about two days I was surly, was not proactive in meeting her needs, was just being a bitch really. I remember one evening she was working on computer and I went in and made myself dinner and went and sat down to watch tv and eat. She asked me if I made her any or left her some and I said, "nope, all gone." This type of behavior went on for a couple of days. I wasn't testing her to see if I could get a response. Though in some stupid way I wanted to see how she would react to "the old me." I have asked for a weekly discipline session so maybe she will enact that and it will be dealt with then. But we haven't gotten to that weekly thing yet. So in my mind I wasn't testing but I was observing her response. I know, probably not really a distinction, but in my warped noodle it was.

Secretly I did wish she would have a belly full and take me to the woodshed and let me have it with the paddle. But not only is she hesitant with the paddle nowadays, she also didn't do anything. To me she just let it run its course and I was back on track a couple of days later because I just can't go too long without submitting to her, she has my number and I am so smitten with her I can't stay too long away from her umbrella of covering.

We talked about it later. She said she did tell me she was displeased but I said to her, I don't remember at all. She sometimes thinks that a comment with no urgency or steam given by her equals a greater intensity when I hear it. It doesn't. If she says she expressed her displeasure with me I am not doubting it, I just never heard it, it was never conveyed to me in a way I remember.

Which brings me to a post by another blogger titled "Bitch Mistress." I think it shows how the submissive mind works to a certain degree. As submissives, we do need a "Bitch Mistress" to deal with us when we are "Bitchy Submissives." Sometimes we are so deep in our funk, we need a loud definitive reminder, so loud it shakes us.

One of the things I would tell any women in a 'fem/dom' relationship is sometimes you need to be the bitch mistress. There are times when a man needs a boss lady that can verbally or physically put him in his place. It is good for him. One of John's responsibilities is the care and maintenance of my closet. That includes picking up my clothes, washing, and ironing, and making sure that my shoes are clean and polished. Having John take care of my clothing is one of the little luxuries I have come to enjoy. However, when I pick up a pair of shoes, I expect them to be clean. Picking up a pair of dusty shoes would not make me happy. John would hear about it in a negative way. The truth is that men need to know you are watching them, and you expect a certain level of service AND RESPECT. From what I have seen that type of strong feedback is important to the submissive man. It may be humiliating for him, but it is not cruel. It is what he needs.

I added the respect thing in her quote because I believe a submissive man should also always speak and act with respect to his Mistress and when he doesnt she should correct him. I like asking her "May I.." when asking for somethings. To me it is honorable and respectful and I want my submission to be worthy. There is another quote below from a Lady on the link list that sees it the same way.

First and foremost is the use of the question "May I……" I can be in a room of 50 people and my ears will bring my attention right to the man who utters these words. These are the two words in the English language that speak more to a Dominate woman than any other. May I get you a chair, May I get you a drink, May I get your jacket…and so on. There is no better way to show the female of your dreams respect then to use these words..
As simple as they may sound the words "May I…" carry a deep history for all of us. We were taught at a very early age to respect our elders and use these very words. I can remember as a little girl asking my grandmother for a piece of candy and being corrected more than once that it's not "Can I have a piece of candy" because I can have or do anything. It was "May I have a piece of candy" as this showed respect to those I was speaking to.
It is everywhere in our society but to me it never carries more meaning then when it comes from a lips of a male submissive. It is the ultimate in respect, reverence and concern. It is the way they half smile and bow their head knowing that unlike most, they are not just asking a question, but taking it upon themselves to realize their place. It pulls at my Dominate soul, it is the verbal equivalent of sitting at my feet in worship.

I am old school I guess. Love the protocol language.

Enough banter from me. I encourage comments from all as my wife does read this blog as well as has her own listed to the right.

Why would She do this?

2008-10-27T08:57:00.003-05:00

The other night, as She allowed me to worship her body as she lay on her stomach, she asked me, "I read somewhere that a wife did not allow her husband to play golf on Saturday mornings, dont you think that is unreasonable?" I said no, if there is an arrangement where the husband submits to his wife, there is always the possibility that things like that can occur.

As a submissive, we know that we are guided and though we may not know the reason behind her instruction, we trust that she has a reason for it and must agree to her directive. "Why would a woman take away that outlet for her husband?" She asked. I don't know, maybe he has attached too much emphasis on it, perhaps she wants to assert her authority, perhaps she feels that golf and the time involved dilutes his service to her, I don't really know. I just know that to submit to someone and for that someone to accept the submission and leadership means that the submissive believes that she has the better good of him in her focus. And that better good may be to replace those activities with ones that she deems better for him.

In my opinion most woman would love for their guy to play golf regularly, the outlet with others is good and healthy. But if she chooses not to allow it, that is her perogative and he must obey.

I'm not sure why she asked me this, I don't play golf but a couple times a year nowadays. I am sure it is not about limiting my golfing. Probably a question more about the power exchange between a Dominant and Her submissive. Why would a Dominant Woman require that and why would a submissive man obey her.

Don't forget, her link is on my list to the right!

My Wife

2008-10-26T17:07:00.002-05:00

My Wife now has opened her blog, it is called "The Mask." Why she chose that I am not sure. Perhaps you can ask.

She would love to have input from other Dominant Ladies who have loved men as their submissives. She still is trying to gain footing and trying to be Dominant to me without being too mean.

She doesn't understand it all, meaning me, not her. But she is receptive to trying to accomodate my needs while also gaining insight.

Drop by Her blog and make a comment and welcome her. She would love to meet all.

Herbuddy

Wednesday Weirdness

2008-10-22T08:48:00.002-05:00

Wednesday Weirdness- Happy Birthday Edition

1. Is there a particular birthday that you are dreading (ex: 40th) why?
I don't dread birthdays, they come when they come. I do not like the number of the age I become each year because I still feel like I am 16 in a lot of ways and physically I don't feel like I am a broken down relic yet either. So my spirit age doesn't match up with the physical age.

2. What is your favorite birthday memory?
I really can't remember.

3. What was the best birthday present you ever received? The worst?
Again, nothing sticks out at me as any that were best or worst. Any gift means someone spent the time to do something and that means the most. I like giving so I like to make others feel good. My wife gave me a perfect card for my birthday a couple weeks ago. It said "I spent the whole day shopping to find something perfect for your birthday".........and on the inside it said, " and boy am I gonna look nice." That said it perfectly, I would rather she and I go shopping for her on my birthday. I am a kook.

4. Frosting roses: Love them or hate them?
Can live with or without them, no preference.

5. Do you like when people make a big deal out of your birthday, or do you prefer a quiet or no celebration?
If it is a big deal and it is focused strictly on me it is uncomfortable. If we are using my birthday as just an excuse to get everyone together without an inordinate focus on me, that is nice.

6. Surprise parties; Good or Evil?
Can live without it. Again, if it is for the purpose of just getting together or if the ones planning it get a nice feeling, great. But again, only if others feel good about it, I don't need it personally.

7. Bonus Question: Over at Casa ASM, it is traditional for the birthday boy or girl to get carte blanche in the bedroom that night. Who and/or what would you choose for birthday bedroom carte blanche?
Being the crazy submissive I am, I would love for my wife to use this opportunity to show her dominance on me. I would love to get some serious birthday spankings, have other crazy things done to me by her to reinforce her dominance and be put into serious subspace, while the whole while she is telling me that my gift is that she owns me and that I am lucky to have her as my Master.

Net result, for birthdays. an acknowledgement is nice but I would rather use the occasion to make others feel good.

TMI Tuesday

2008-10-21T13:11:00.002-05:00

Okay, to try and be cool and also because I don't know what to write, I will do the TMI thing.

1. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed after a sexual experience? - No. All my sexual experiences have been consentual and have never felt guilty or ashamed.

2. Did you ever own a fake ID? - Never had too, have always looked older than I am. But, though never needed a fake ID, I have never been anywhere where I would need to.

3. How often do you tell white lies? Is it with or without thinking? - Yes, usually it is with thinking, not trying to hurt someones feelings

4. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you receive constructive criticism? - Depending on who is giving it. As I have become more mature though, I try to take the criticism and learn from it. So nowadays maybe a 6 or 7.

5. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair? - Yes. I like the feel personally. It would be so cool to be made to by your mate because that is what they prefer and they ask you too. My wife has never really seemed to care, though she does seem to like it maintained as opposed to just letting it go.

Bonus: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a “friends with benefits” relationship? How about men? - Probably less than 10% of women can do FWB if it is without mate. maybe more if consentual with mate. Men, probably more than 50% since sex generally doesn't hold the emotional significance for men. Personally, I couldn't do it without mate's knowledge, the breaking of trust and guilt would kill me internally. If consentual with mate or if decided one or the other has the agreed upon freedom, I could go with it.

Still Alive

2008-10-19T21:02:00.002-05:00

Life has been busy, crazy things going on. We are still FLR and I personally am loving it. She is growing more comfortable as well. She realizes that by her being expectant it is pleasurable to me.

We had a talk and she has assigned items to me. She now no longer feels guilty is she gets up after dinner and leaves clean up for me. Some of items that are my responsibility are as follows:

- keep up with our laundry, drip dry her clothes except for jeans
- iron necessary clothes and keep her work clothes current
- keep up with daily and weekly chores that she has made a weekly list for me
- have 4 of 7 nightly meals prepared and ready to eat at 5:30.
- Be her Personal Secretary/Assistant, which means be available via email or phone call to accomplish items she assigns

- provide beverage of her choice available when she arrives from work with some music in background so she can sit down and unwind.
- each night before bed ask her is she wants lotion on her legs or feet applied by me
-ALWAYS ask her permission to sleep in HER bed each night.

She has also agreed to start her own blog, probably will not be too active, but she wishes to be able to direct me as well as be available to read comments from other Ladies (or guys) who enjoy having their husbands as their submissives. So please make comments here and I will link hers when she gets hers' going too.

I am happy, I am lucky and I want her to be just as happy.

:) Her buddy, Her helper, Her helpmate, Her assistant, Her househusband!!

Still here!!!

2008-06-07T10:16:00.003-05:00

Wow, didn't realize it had been so long. I have noticed a few blogs going down because the fellas don't seem to be getting what they want. I have a theory that it is because they pressed too hard too fast. It is amazing to me how I can clearly see the benefits of FLR for the Lady, but somehow, it takes a while for the Lady to see it. For us, it took almost two years for Her to realize that my desire to submit was not entirely about the sex. I truly wanted to make Her happy and it took that long for Her to understand that by allowing me to submit to Her, it actually did make me happy.

For the most part, these two years of getting to where She is comfortable has been easy for me. My submission is not hard, I believe I am that innately so it has been more of a freedom for me to submit. The time it took for Her to see this and not be threatened, though I wish it would have come sooner, was not bad. To be able to give Her the necessary time to be comfortable is worth it. That is why I think some of the fellow blogger guys have missed the mark. Each Woman is different, but it takes time and when the Women feel pressured on a relationship ideal such as this, they retreat. Again, men and Women are different and relationship things to a Woman are incredibly important and just because I kept telling my Wife early on that She would enjoy FLR, She could not get over the hump until She had reconciled it for Herself in Her own time.

So, we are a full fledged FLR marriage. In fact, a month ago, out of the blue, She asked me if i wanted to do a formal agreement. i said yes. So we crafted up an agreement, did it between ourselves, at the end I knelt in front of Her and she placed a necklace on me as a symbol. Up to that time, I had told Her how important it was, for me anyway, to formalize it. She had felt uncomfortable with it, so i let it go. Then, surprise, surprise, She brought it up when I had no idea She was thinking about it. Now that we have done that, I no longer feel like it is an "on and off again" game for Her. It is concrete now, no ambiguity. And I am content and I believe She is too.

She is now reading some Mama Gena books. She is at the point of figuring out that the last 20 years have been about the kids and Her "wifely" function of standing behind Her man. Now She is finding out that seeking pleasure for Herself is not a selfish, uncaring motive but actually a worthwhile endeavor. When She is happy, She makes everyone around Her happy. She is a happiness magnet. And I am not just talking about immediate family. She can light up a coffee shop of patrons just by Her charisma.

That doesn't mean that every day is "over the top." In fact, most days are mundane. But it is like a screensaver on a computer. It is always running, most times in the background, but it can be brought forward.

I have asked Her if She is happy. She says She is. I asked Her what about our FLR makes Her happy. She said:

1. She loves the intimacy now. We talk alot and I no longer guard what i say, i am genuine, even when it reveals something less than ideal on my part.
2. She loves that i am Her number 1 cheerleader. She loves that i am genuinely happy when She succeeds at something and more so when i was able to help her.
3. She loves that sex now is not a "wifely duty." But one She is in charge. That doesn't mean that we have now unleashed a Tigress that has been dormant all these years. When in the mood, She has always been a Tigress. It just means that it no longer is a burden for Her.

There are more, I can't think of right now. But, net result, we are happy. This is not contrived, She is not faking it just to satisfy me. She is, each day, getting more comfortable in Her position in our Marriage. I wish She would exercise Her authority more, but it is okay, She is doing it now anyway and as time passes, it becomes easier for Her.

So, I do believe that it is possible for any couple to adopt this formally. I would have bet the farm that initially She never would have gone for this. But, all marriages have a game plan of some sort. This is just ours. It works because it values both of us and uses both of our individual talents to strengthen our relationship.

Ours is a success story. I will try and stay more current with the blog.

disappear?

2008-01-26T16:37:00.000-05:00

I saw this on someone else blog and amended it slightly, but it is the best description I have seen as to how I feel sometimes.

And things have been stressful, as the windup to the holidays approaches. And we’ve been talking about just getting a hotel room the first day I’m in, ostensibly to make the next baby, but also to get some insanely hot examples of the Five Ps in — you remember, pegging, pleasure, pain, piss and prostration. And with all the stress in my life…

And with all of the stress in my life, I started thinking about what I want sometimes, and what I want is to disappear. I want to stop existing as me, and for a few hours or days just become “Mistress’ pet.” “Slave.” “Toy.” Whatever. I want to lose my name. I want to lose my place. I just want to be something that only exists to please her, to give her whatever she wants. I don’t want to think, unless it’s thinking about how to accomplish her latest order. I don’t want to worry about my needs, or my worries, or my own pleasure. I want to obliterate myself for a few hours and just be an extension of her.

It’s such an intense need, it carries me away. One of the things I need from our scenes is this…this…loss of self. When I get into the right head-space, I look at her and she’s the only thing in the room, she’s tall and powerful and imposing and I get weak in the knees when she crooks her finger at me or commands me in that strong voice that’s so different than the one she uses when we’re in public. She’s a goddess. She’s beautiful and cruel and kind and I don’t matter unless she decides I matter.

I get dizzy just thinking about her like that. The all-powerful light of my life, the bitch-queen-lover-wife-princess-angel. All these things, this bundle of people, and they’re all there in front of me, looking at me with hard and somehow kind eyes, a smile on her lips.

She does this thing: When I’m aroused, my penis is this center, this axis mundi. The feelings from my cock overwhelm the feelings everywhere else. And my wife will reach down and grab the thing with one hand or two hands and just squeeze it, and it’s painful and pleasurable but most of all its her controlling the most sensitive thing on my body. She’s its master. She can hurt it or give it pleasure, whichever she wants.

And that’s what I want — to be overwhelmed. To be taken. To be controlled. She gets pleasure out of spanking me, and so I want her to spank me. She gets pleasure out of making me give her oral, and so I want to be forced to my knees. She gets pleasure out of me fucking her, and so I want to just take her until she tells me to stop. She gets pleasure out of pegging me, so I want to take her cock orally as she calls me her bitch and then let her just turn me over do me. Her, her, her. I want to disappear, I want the scene to be about her. I don’t even want to come, unless she wants me to. I want it to last, I want her to tell me she has this hold on me, I want her to make me confess that She is my Goddess.

I know that a lot of the times, the scene isn’t about her. It’s about us. And I like that too. I like being able to ask for more cock or a different toy being used to hit me or for a clamp to be shifted. I like being able to suggest, humbly and respectfully of course, that she try this or that. But sometimes, this feeling overcomes me and I don’t want to be able to ask anything — I want to be swept the away and not have any say and any input and just be an empty vessel for her to fill with whatever she wants.

And right now I need this. I need her to evince this control over me, to dominate me utterly and completely and for me to not have a name but a diminutive title, like “dog,” “pet,” “bitch,” “whore,” “slave,” or “toy.” I need to not be there except as she wills me to be there — to not have a voice except the voice she gives me — to not have any urges except what she tells me to. This is my ultimate state of submission — to completely annihilate myself while we’re doing this, until my every thought is of her, my ever action is at her command, my every pleasure or pain something she metes out.

I get goofy aroused when I think of this, I get horny and sputtery and strangely calm. I want to wear my collar again, but she has it. I feel like a lost kid when I don’t have my collar. I talked to her about that, and her plans to mark me, and we decided to hold off on the ownership tattoo until June, since I haven’t found a drawing I like of our symbol of my submission — but she’s going to buy me a slender gold chain to wear. It looks nice, very casual, I can wear it underneath my suits, but what it is is my day-collar, my permanent symbol of her ownership. Whenever I need to think of her power — and God, how come whenever I’m like this, whenever I’m in this head-space, I want to capitalize “Her” — I can touch the chain. I’ll be her slave, wearing her collar, all of the time.

She has this hold over me. I tell her about it, and she talks about how it makes her toes tingle and her sex ache to think of me being this obsessed and devoted and humble before her.
Oh, I want to disappear so badly into her. I just want to be her slave. To simply not exist except as an extension of Her. That’s my fondest wish right now. I don’t want anything to be about me, everything about her. I’ll be hers, 24/7 while I’m up there.

been a while

2007-12-03T10:46:00.000-05:00

still marching forward, life is complicated right now and tough to stay consistent on the blog. I am trying hard to really try and do things Her way. She is engaged, just not at warp speed like me I suppose. Sometimes makes for frusteration but chalk it up to it being a process.

My Wife, I assume as well as many other Women, were raised to believe that men played the Dominant part. They saw it on tv, in their parents relationship, books, movies, etc. What I am asking my Wife to do is to adjust everything She has been taught over the years and to do a sort of role reversal. I assume that it must be an odd and at times difficult feeling for my Wife to all of a sudden see me as under Her gudiance. I am sure She has asked Herself a thousand times if Her husband really want this, or if She can actually do it.

A Lady said in another forum the following and I would bet my Wife feels the same:
I struggle with the equality thing. I can't understand for the life of my why any of you strong intelligent men would want to give up complete control to the level you do. I used to feel like I was taking away his rights if I took complete control. I have actually just recently (Friday) realized that I am not taking those rights away, he is giving them to me. I can imagine your wife feeling this way as well. That she is taking away part of who you are. Or she is being a hypocrite if she controls you but would not tolerate that towards her.

But, that is not the case, She is not a hypocrite because it is something I want to be treated as, not treat her that way.

It is hard to put into real words the feeling I have for wanting to submit to my wife. This desire I have is very real and runs very deep. I want to be controlled for Her bidding. I want Her to feel free to be harsh with me when I need it. I want to be punished for what I have done wrong and made to correct it. I want Her to be free enough to take pleasure in my submissiveness to Her. To enjoy the fact that I would kneel before her. To know that the things I do for Her, though seem selfish to Her, are not, because I really enjoy both doing and the fact that She can be selfish regarding physcial pleasure. But I also desire to be loved and wanted by Her, and to feel good about the things I do to serve Her. I hope the fact that I want to be viewed and treated this way can somehow make it more palatable to a Woman who has only known the opposite for so many years.

There are times that the submissiveness I feel is very strong. Yesterday, as She was watching tv, I just came in, asked if I could untie Her shoes with lotion in my hand. I sat on the floor and lovingly applied lotion to both feet. My mind was in my fingers, my love was in each rub, flowing through my fingertips. The pleasure of the massage feels good to Her but She does not sense how this submissive act can feel so rewarding to me. Instead of reveling in the pleasure, She started asking me questions about my day. Kind of a, you are doing something nice for me I must do something nice for you, kind of mentality. I would love if She would sense my submissiveness and stroke it with Her dominance during those times. That would be pleasureable for me, not feeling guilty that I am providing pleasure for Her. I told Her later on that the "giving of pleasure" to Her, even erotically, is a gift to me in and of itself. It would be complete if She reveled in it, pushed me into a deeper level of submissiveness, told me how She likes it, that She expects it, that She knows that She is in total authority over me during these times. The verbal is important to me but She has not gotten to the point where it is comfortable yet. She sees an inequality. I am being nice to Her so She must be nice to me. But the converse is true.

The dynamic that is a WLM is complex. At times overwhelming and other times mundane. I guess all men who submit to their Wives long for the firm Dominance of their spouse. I repeat what I have stated in previous posts which is the need for patience. But the need to be led, controlled and submissive is sometimes even greater. Unfortunately I am a jump right in sort of guy. Full bore all the way and that can cause frustration. I will not give up on this though. Not as long as my Wife is at least willing to try to be Dominant. I feel this can be a great life for the both of us.

hmm..

2007-09-26T10:48:00.001-05:00

I have come to a milestone. I think a FLR relationship is full of milestones. I have been involved in intelligent discourse here on this board and with my wife for about a month on this whole subject, a submissives "needs and wants."

Here where I am at now.I asked my wife to become the Head of our Relationship, to Lead and I would follow. I told her that I trusted that her instincts were better than mine and that as a team, we would flourish if I relenquished the reins and gave them over to her. By doing that, I have said to her that I trust her, that she will do what is best for me and for us.

Actually, I think of myself as pretty smart to do that. I am not trying to boil it down to a business equation, but I am familiar with that. Namely, if I am engaged in a business that is either just getting by or even floundering, I as a good steward of that business needs to leave ego at the door and put in place new methods that grow the business. Same with me in my relationship. I came to understanding that she would be a better leader than I. Now she has a different leadership style than me, frankly one that is foreign to me...it is more demure, softer. But, that does not mean she does not have the appropriate skills.......just a different delivery method. And if I am reallyserious about the power exchange, I need to just get out of the way and let her lead. Really similar to a US President leaving office. Outgoing Prez may be asked by many his opinion, may even be asked by the current President, but, he says, "hey, I am not the guy anymore, I am under the new Presidents leadership just like the rest of us, you need to talk to him." Most outgoing Presidents have said the same thing.....the best thing I can do is to just get out of the way and let the new guy lead without any distractions from me.

Maybe that is a bad example, but I think the principle is the same. Leading is not easy, especially if you are a woman who has, though agreed, been thrust into a role she has not held, nor maybe even tried to assume. Can she do it, yes, she has the skills. But I think I have been under the assumption that she could get right into the drivers seat and drive just like me. But, if I am a reasonable man, which I think I am, I would not expect that in a business "changing of the guard" so why would I expect that in a relationship.

The key element is that I trust that she will lead us to a better place. It will be different, I knew that early on, but IF I really trust both her, and the system of FLR, then I need to suck it up and do the right thing and just give my leader time to hone her skills without me constantly advising her on what she needs to remember and do.

Having said that, though I am glad she knows my kinks and desires, I am a little ashamed that I have been hammering it home. If I put myself in her shoes, I would have said, back off dude, how in the world can I lead if you are second guessing or "advising" me on every issue.

So, here is the trust issue. It is a conditional trust if I say to her, "I want you to lead but you have to do it my way." Heck, in a business situation I would tell the other party, "sorry, no deal, if you want my input to help out this situation, I will do it only if you back off."

But, .....she loves me, sees that my submissiveness is ingrained in me, understands in her heart that we would flourish with her in the lead, knows she has the skills to succeed, but is cautious at all of a sudden waking up one day and assuming the leadership.

So, "wants vs. needs." Part of the trust is that she will administer them to me in ways that make us better. Does she not want to see me happy? Does she not want to give me my treats? Of course not, she is a good person, she wants to make me happy. But, if I trust her, I need to just be a good soldier and understand that to follow means just that, to follow. And she will value her leadership role and will try to be the best leader she can and that in doing so, it means taking care of her subordinates "needs and wants." Can I put things in a suggestion box for the leader to read? Of course, but my job is to ONLY put it in the suggestion box....end of story. Her job is to read it and act on it if she chooses.

I can tell her about the commonality of different species, the similarity to humans and chimps, cover her up with statistical and empirical data that shows that we are pack animals and need a defined leader. But the difference is that we as humans have ..............opposable thumbs. We are more intelligent than chimps. We have a "free will" that chimps do not. A chimp does that behaviour because he is not capable of any other behaviour.......we as humans make our decisions and they may contradict generel species rules. So accepting a leaderhship role as a human is a choice.....not species rule.

I see so many blogs and such where FLR ran out of steam, bunch of "crybaby guys" saying, "if she would only get it." Being real, real honest....I would not accept a business situation with the those terms, namely, "I will take control but you are going to control how I take control." So, why would I think that she would accept those terms in our relationship........ simply because I presented them to her.

So, if all us guys are going on with the "Women are more superior than men" mantra, then why don't we put our actions with our mouths and give them room to grow without our badgering.

Sorry it was long winded, I am now sounding like a Lady I think, ...but that is not a bad thing,......I think they are really cool!!

Labor Day Weekend

2007-09-04T15:31:00.000-05:00

Interesting weekend. Saturday we needed to get pants for son. Off we went. I always enjoy shopping with Her as I now do not force the time issue, realize that just roaming around is fun for Her. But, on a mission for son, so the three of us spend about 45 minutes in mens section finding some nice things for him. When done, we (son and I) think we are headed out. But, She is drawn........like a cosmic force..... to the Womens area. Son gives me "the look!" I tell him we spent time on you lets now spend time on your Mom, shut up and get used to it, it is a lifetime thing. "I need another skirt for work," She proclaims. As a Woman and Mother, it is easier for Her to say "need" instead of "want" because She has spent all Her life sacrificing for the kids and me really. So, framed as a need means that She is not being selfish. Hurdle jumped in Her mind......... on our way.

We get to Womens section and I start hunting with Her. Even son joins in foray. She is at a rack really looking through and I say "let me hold that purse so you can really get in there two fisted!!" She normally, well most times, thinks I am a freak because it pushes a submissive button to carry Her purse. But, She just gave it to me and dove in to the racks. I headed in many directions without Her (purse in hand), different racks, knowing what She wanted. I came back with a few samples and son was hanging with Her and picked out a nice skirt and blouse. After trying them on, decided that outfit son selected was the right choice, and it was, really beautiful, nice color, can be worn with different blouses. lots of adaptability. We spent about the same time looking for Her as we did for son. It was nice, no agenda other than just being helpful. I asked Her if it felt good to Her that the two most important men in Her life were helping Her look for clothes and She just beamed and said, "Yes." I think She felt loved, cherished, special, not just a sexy wife (which She is that too).

Later, She and I actually played Scrabble, She loves it, I am too slow, keep trying to make 75 point words for each play. I got Her to agree to dominante me sexually, including spanking me if I won...........She won, why am I suprised!

Helpmate Hubby has a "What did you do on Labor Day?" thing on his blog. This is what we did on Monday. She loves going to beach, I hate it. Through years we have accomodated. Monday we got it set up that She and the three kids would go to beach and I would stay and prepare dinner for their return. She had been "jonesing" for some grilled chicken. Well I went to store, got chicken and other things and started at it. I do not know why it feels so good for me to be working at doing something She will appreciate while She is actually doing something else that She enjoys. Must be that "working for the Queen" thing. Don't know, just know I felt excited. My place was in the kitchen that day. So, as I do more and more cooking, alas, I get better (I never would have believed it ). So, I start making a side dish and decide to experiment and try some new things. I got real excited to think She, and kids, might like it. Anyway, long story short, they arrive, shower up, I get dinner on table, She comes in, sits at the head of the table and asks where Her drink was (I had it there already, She just overlooked it!!). Dinner served, was a home run, new dish was a hit. Everyone left table and took dishes into kitchen and stacked. We lounged, went on walk, lounged, She was just relaxing, having a great family time, as was I. As kids are older, not too often we are all together at one time for a meal and lounging together. As night wore on, I made way back to kitchen to start cleaning up, kind of just on autopilot. It occurred to me over sink...... that She was still in other room. Our normal way for years would be Her cleaning up, me helping, but Her doing all the work. Now, She is nowhere to be found. It is understood that it is my job and She doesn't even bat an eyelash.

I like doing things that make Her life better. Being an "engaged shopper," helping with meals, cleaning up, they make it easier for Her and I like doing the work for Her. She later said dinner was great and the whole weekend was really nice. I felt ten feet tall.

2007-08-17T16:07:00.000-05:00

Interesting FLR Philosophy on another Board.......

A fellow asks.......

Thank you for this post. My wife are in the process of starting up a FLR. She likes to be in control but hates all words and concepts which sound like D/s or S&M. She associates dominance with domineering and does not want to be called dominant or domme. She does not want to be pushed in a format or mould. I would love to have her use her power/control more, but if I suggest that she gets angry and complains that I am pushing her. Which, I cannot deny is true. As a male who is trained to think in concepts I do focus on my understanding of the relationship dynamics. I long that she uses her power more, physical punishments or reminders when She deems necessary and dares to use her sexuality as well to wind me around her finger. I am clueless why many women like to start with FLR but are resistant to take it to the next level. As a former dominant I know how fulfilling and exciting power can be.

A Wise Woman responds......

I did struggle with this idea for the longest time though. What helped me make it click was "Venus on Top" and another book that I was reading on chakras. What these books did was break it down for me into logical terms that I could understand. The final picture that was painted for me was that women and men use their brain differently. Men use action, women use thought. We process differently. Women have the ability to see the grey, while men see the task. In a relationship, there is nothing but grey. It is like a dance. Men see feet moving in a specific pattern, women see the sway of a person's hips, the joy in their step; the soul coming out to show the world all it's glory; the music coming to life. These are skills that make it easier for women to guide and nurture a household. A relationship, any relationship, is about bringing out the best of people. It is about managing people's characteristics so they can experience the most joy in life or deal with the worst tragedies so they can get back to that joy. Is that not the purpose of life: to live it with joy? The ability to do that is what women are raised to do, it is our biological make up to do that. FLR just takes this to a different level. It is the place for people who have that need to be that "primitive" in their life. Boil it down to it's lowest common denominator: Men need tasks to do, it is where they feel the safest/most comfortable and if correction needs to be done, they gladly accept and actually crave it, it fits their "male" psyche. Women need to think, it is where they feel safest/most comfortable. So the woman thinks, gives the man his tasks, corrects or asserts to reaffirm Her leadership and his submission, and all runs smoothly. Because society has pushed this concept so far away from most of us, I feel that men need the hard pushes to over come the hard pushes to not be this way. They need the hard constant reminders that they are safe and living within their comfort zone. Society is harsh on male dominance, so balance has to be met with harsh push to submission. It is done by each Lady's particular brand of Her own dominance, one of "being" dominant, not just "acting" dominant, as well as making the dynamic accountable to the sub in ways he naturally understands and is comfortable with, namely verbal and yes physcial. Balance is the key. For instance, I am not a man, I do not know why pet not only wants me, but needs me to spank him. It took me a long time to understand that he processes things in a different way than I do. But he submits and strives to make my life better in ways that are somewhat foreign to him and natural to me.... and I should also recognize our differences and do the same for him. That doesn't mean that I have to spank him, in fact I really thought I never would. It took quite a while before I actually did (now he wishes I never did!), but understanding that he processes things differently has helped me in becoming more dominant in my own way since I now know he does need it.

interesting thoughts?????

my Beautiful Wife does read "Herbuddy" but hasn't chosen to post anything yet.

things going well!!

2007-08-14T08:31:00.000-05:00

We were at store, She need some perfume. As standing in aisle, she sprays one on her arm to smell, puts it up. Does another on other arm, puts it up. Says, "I have ran out of arms to try." I raised my arms quietly as she grabbed another and sprayed on my arm to smell. "Not sure." Grabs another sample, does my other arm. After some time decides. I told Her, "Don't get wrong idea, but I love having your perfume on, it means I can smell you all day." She just kinda looks at me and says, "Okay." What is neat is I think She understands.

When we got home, She wanted me to trim her hair, which I have done for a long time, but......I like to do it naked. On drive home, I inferred that we would need to lock doors for me to trim. But as we arrived, I mentioned to Her that if She did not want me naked, I would do it clothed as I did not want to assume or make Her uncomfortable. She said, "No, you can do it naked." However, as I was surveying her hair, the last stylist She went to actually did layers and I said that I think that maybe She needed to get someone else to do it as I thought it exceeded my skill level and the last thing I wanted to do was mess it up.

She said okay, now it is your turn. She had bought some nair for my back. Don't get wrong idea, I am not a hairy bear or anything but She likes my back to be smooth. So, She started putting the smelly stuff on my back. She then told me to turn around. She had never done my front before but She started applying it on sides to artfully create the old hair between pecs down to groin area strip, but everything else smooth. I felt immediate submission, She was now using me to create something She liked, not just getting it off the back. I felt owned by Her, Her property that She was pruning. It was wonderful.

I wrote the last post about Her being in the chair about 3 weeks ago, hoping She would sometime read it, but, alas, hasn't happened. So I asked if She would like to read the blog to which She said yes. So, I got her the laptop and put it on Her chair to start reading. As She started, I moved around the house checking on kids, locking doors, turning out lights etc. When I returned, She was in Her chair reading. I quietly put on some soft music and just sat down next to Her. She said she wanted lotion and I started putting it on Her legs. I was in front of Her on the floor, She could not see me because the laptop was blocking Her view. She said, "Seems like you have become a good little Femdom fiction writer." I wanted to say, that I wish it wasn't fiction, but held my tongue, just muttered yes. After the lotion, I started softly kissing her legs, from the knee down to foot and back again as She read. This went on for about 30 minutes, She never actually saw me, I was totally Her servant. She called today to say how nice it was that I was kissing her legs while She was reading and that we went to bed without Her thinking She needed to "pay me back" for the kindness. As we were in bed I asked if She were happy with our new FLR. She said it was different but that yes She was happy and wanted it to continue...............Yay!!

hmmmm!

2007-07-26T18:03:00.000-05:00

As I came into the bedroom, she was already sitting, cross legged , in the high back chair with dressed only in a robe. Seeing her took me aback for a second as I entered the room. "Kneel," she said, which I stumbled down and did. "You really like kneeling in front of me don't you?" "Yes, even though you think it odd, I really like it." "Fine, all I asked was a yes or no answer." "Put some lotion on my feet and legs and show me how much you like it...and take off your clothes, now!" She grabbed her brush and lazily started brushing her hair, pulling at some to check the ends, almost isolated, not really giving much attention to me. "Stand up," she said. As she grasped my member, she said, "You really do like this don't you." "Very much so Madam." "Kneel, other leg." I dropped and devoted all my attention as she resumed brushing and nonchalantly playing with her hair. "You know, we agreed that I was the unquestioned Leader in our relationship, you do remember that don't you." "Yes." "As a Leader, there is a level of respect that should be adhered to, wouldn't you agree?" I did not know where she was headed but of course believed it to be true and answered, "Yes." "I'm not sure you always agree with that statement." I stayed quiet. "The other day in the car, we had a little disagreement didn't we?" I now knew where we were headed, "Yes." "The thing is, I do not mind that you disagree, I respect your opinions, isn't that true?" "Yes." "But, the tone in which you talked was less than respectful, agree?" "Yes, I'm sorry." "Well, heres the thing, I wouldn't be much of a Leader and you wouldn't respect me as a Leader, if I let you get away with tones that undermine my Leadership, agree?" "You are right."

"Yes, I thought so." At this point she withdrew her leg and sat straight up in her chair and just looked sternly at me for what seemed like forever. "I cannot allow a disrespectul tone.......stand up....now." I did and stood helpless in front of her as she grabbed my hand and turned me sideways and placed me between her legs. "Bend over." She then started lightly caressing my behind as she continued on with her message of keeping a respectful tone with her, in public, but also, more importantly in private. She then started applying the hairbrush to my bottom, starting slowly, alternating running her hands across, aiming her blows to get to all areas of both sides. I thought it would be around five or so but she kept going, finally stopping at around forty. "Do we have a better understanding now?" "Yes, thank you."

"Now," as she stopped and leaned back in her chair, "I'm not sure why, but this has gotten me aroused.........you may kiss me below." I did as I was told and she was excited, by her actions I knew what she wanted and gave it my all. Just as she was about to come, she pushed my head away, almost in a trance, sat up and said....

Her eyes, almost in a glaze, she said, "Kneel and kiss my breasts." As I did, she spead her legs so I could get really close and started my devotion. "That feels good, you like serving me don't you?" "Yes." "Keep going...." Her hands were softly running around my head and every so often she would reach down and play with herself and bring the nectar to my lips. I felt her arms moving around and soon felt her twitch, as a belt landed on my backside some more. " You will be more respectful if you want me to continue Leading. You do want me to Lead don't you?" "Yes." As she continued her message she got in another 20 whacks as I continued loving on her body. "Funny, I never realized it, but you are my slut aren't you?" "Yes." "I thought so, stop, get on the bed on all fours." As I did, she mounted me from behind and ground herself into my backside. "As the Leader I get to fuck you don't I slutboy?" "Yes." She continued grinding into me while alternating backing off and slapping my backside."That's enough, roll over." As I did, she straddled and placed herself on my face, grinding until she finally came in a powerful expression. We layed beside each other as she spooned me. "Are we clear on my expectations slutboy?" "Yes, thank you." We layed longer as she felt the warmth on my bottom and alternated playing with my member. "Good, lets not forget it..." And we drifted off to sleep.(okay, didn't really happen, my attempt at some erotic fiction......but, one can dream can't they!)

moving on

2007-07-11T11:41:00.000-05:00

Well, couple of days into it. Nothing dramatic, but it feels right. Other than an intimate time that was wonderful, there have not been any mountainous events where she has asserted and I have submitted. It is just that since she has agreed to be the Head, the "elephant" is now out of the room. We exist like we did before she accepted, just that now, with our roles defined, we are not posturing one way or the other, me especially. I know my role and she knows hers. I try to anticipate, if she chooses to exert herself, I am ready, if not, I don't pressure her. But with the common knowledge that our roles are clearly defined, it has taken alot of the FLR stress out of the equation.

It now just is what it is ....... and I like it and I think she does too.

She has agreed!!

2007-07-08T15:46:00.000-05:00

The other night, we had long conversation about life in general. Some of it was Femdom, some not. She told me to quit making little innuendos, quit bringing it up to her. Just stop what she called the constant badgering, which in my mind was only once or twice a day, to me, nothing, to her, all the time. I said okay, will do.

Three days later she wanted to talk. She formally agreed to take the lead as the Head of our relationship and marriage. She laid out some groundrules, which are understandable and are some work on my end, but think I can do it. She said she knows what I want sexually and may not ever get there. I told her I know it means work for her to assume and assert herself as the Leader and that I trust that she will keep my wishes in mind, whether the kink happens or not, but that I wanted whatever stirred her, not me trying to coerce her into something I wanted.

I first brought up Femdom with her about 9 months ago and she just decided to formally agree to it. I think the deciding factor was twofold. One is that she understands that submitting to Her is not just a passing fancy, but based on our life together, it is something that is wired in me. So, she needs to not pretend it isn't there, but to try and find a balance which can work for both of us. Secondly, I have been sincere these past 9 months, made mistakes, perhaps pushed too hard and fast sometimes, but I have been sincere and respectful about the issue.

Away we go!!!!!

balance

2007-07-03T08:12:00.000-05:00

I need to find some balance. In the days that it seems like we are trying to work at this, I find myself so "addicted" to her that I almost make it an obsession. All I want to do is touch her, caress her, stoke her hair. I love to sit on the floor while she is on the couch or in a chair, I would love for her to tell me to do that, to kneel in front of her, to overtly use her "dominion" over me, but she is not comfortable with that. I am like a pathetic puppy dog, following her, wanting to be near her, wanting her to use that attention for her whim or pleasure, whether emotional or physical. But, as she has said, I am crowding her space so much she can't breathe. The poor Lady has trouble getting to sleep because all I want to do is spoon, lightly rub her back, run my hands through her hair. I could do it all night but when she shuts down, she wants to go to sleep. So, she sometimes has trouble differentiating my devotion to her versus an obsession for her and that sometimes makes her squeamish.

I don't know how to be totally devoted to her without being so in her face that I crowd her and make her feel claustrophobic.

random thoughts

2007-06-29T13:43:00.000-05:00

I don't know why, but using very good verbal manners with her feels right. I didn't know why but I think another blogger said it best, "Learn the language of submission." I have been doing it a long time before I read that, some toungue in cheek with her, others just trying to be mannerly. "May I say ....," "Do you mind if....," "Would you prefer....," It comes very naturally to me, so much so, that sometimes she thinks it is over the top and I am egging her on. But really, I'm not. I really enjoy showing her the respect of good conversation manners.

She actually advanced in her job her recently. I told her everyone is seeing what I already knew, that she is very capable and they should trust her insight, as I am trying to do. I picked her up at lunchtime and ran a couple of errands with her. When we were done, I told her I must be her "Executive Assistant." I liked the analogy greatly, she wanted to shoot me, but I think she did enjoy that I was sincerely proud of her accomplishments, which I am.

The other night, we were intimate, though she did not really want anything proactive done with herself. She wanted me to release in a fun way and as usual, I asked the question, "do you want me to because you think that is what I want you to say or do you really want me to because that is what you want?" I am struck most times by obviously wanting to release versus the fun feeling of being on edge and not coming. She said, "Heres the deal, I am tired of you asking the same question, here is what we are going to do. When we are intimate, always assume that I want you to come, work you way toward that, don't hold back, but when you get close, ask me if you can and I will tell you whether you can or not." Perfect negotiation, now I don't have to wonder whether I should pace myself, just "get after it," but she still has the control on deciding if it happens. I love the arrangement, though I know it will turn into one of those "be careful what you wish for" things, I don't think she has any problem stopping me.

:)

hanging in there

2007-06-24T10:10:00.000-05:00

Living situation still difficult, but managing somehow. We actually went to eat some breakfast Friday night at 10pm. We ended up talking a bunch, including Wife Led stuff. She is still interested, I think she senses my sincerity that it is really in me and not just a passing fantasy. It is so nice to know she is working on it. She even said the other night that she will make a point of telling me things to do instead of being super mannerly when we are alone.

Last night in bed she was asking me how she can "tease" me. The really difficult thing about all this is the man trying to explain to the Woman dynamics of this relationship. I say stupid things like "do anything and everything"....."just the fact that you are orchestrating everything according to your wishes, whims, etc."

Now I'm not sure the smartest person in the world can understand what I am trying to say to her, so I try to point her to some of the blogs, by reading something written by another Lady might be easier to translate the message. Do any of you Ladies have suggestions for her? How do you Tease your husband, not only in the bedroom, but during the day. I tried to explain that the brain is the biggest sex organ and she can use mind games, but again, hard for me to get the point across.

We took a leisurely Sunday afternoon "nap" where there was no napping going on. She did play with me for an hour or so, got me hard constantly without release, I was almost in a trance. I will say that now, an hour later, my nads are really sore, even though she wasn't rough with them, not sure why they are so sore. ( I Googled it and found reason, all is okay)

But, we are moving forward and I know I am happy and I believe she is too, she said she enjoyed the conversation the other night. I know I am more open with her how, it comes easier, I like being open with her..............................so, we keep at it!!

2007-06-01T12:35:00.001-05:00

helpmate, could you email with access to your site?

2007-05-24T12:35:00.000-05:00

Yes, still busy. Living situation in sort of limbo, waiting to get into new place, but not ready yet, so bunking with relatives. Obviously, overt Wife Led things are at a minimum. I did give her the book "Around Her Finger" and asked her to read it whenever she gets the chance. I am not pressuring her as to when, want it to be at her timetable. She doesn't quite get the notion that I crave to submit to her......that by her just allowing it to happen, it brings great pleasure to me. She wants to do nice things for me, that is natural and I want it of course. But, the theory that by her leading, even with some selfishness on her part, even without a sense of reciprocation on her part, is still a little foreign to her. But, she is trying and that is a testament of her goodness.

As Emily Addison said in one of her comments, " Your husband craves your authority. Continue to bless him with it, and he will continue to bless you with his submission."

Maybe someday soon, she will have an "Aha, I get it now" moment. But, it is all good, she is wonderful and I really love her!

Been busy

2007-05-23T08:33:00.000-05:00

Haven't disappeared, we moved and of course things are ...............hectic. Still checking in but not much time to write.

ruining my image

2007-04-18T09:50:00.000-05:00

It has occurred to me, just recently as sometimes I am not too fast, that the intimacy between a couple is so much more real in this type of relationship. Most times, the physical dynamic of a husband and wife is something that is always the big elephant in the room. For over twenty years, I have wondered most minutes of each day, if we were going to have sex. Heck, I'm a guy, so my thought process is.......are we going to have sex.....can we have sex.....what do I need to do to have sex.......what should I say......what do you want to hear.......c'mon, you said we were going to........what do you mean you don't want to..........that's unfair.......etc., etc. No apologies here, just kind of the way we guys are I suppose.

But, now, since restructuring the physical challenge, putting the "elephant" in it's proper perspective, we now make the physical a supporting part of our relationship.....it now supports the emotional element, .....it is no longer a rival to the emotional element. It is tremendously more intimate.

Okay, yes, I am a scuzzy guy, I do want alot of kinks and I would love for her to be as kinky as me (probably not possible!). But, the fact is, though I did in the past, but not without a certain amount of genuineness, she is now truly my friend, my confidant, my support, my lover. I care about who she is as a person, I want to be a help for her to become a better person, I listen like I never have before, I talk more freely than I ever have before, I look forward to seeing her, I like spending time with her, I truly enjoy when she is happy whether I had anything to do with it or not. The difference is that I believe she has thought that of me all along, but, well, I just couldn't get there and frankly, there is alot of time that I let squander because of that.

So, though both are wonderful for sure, I enjoy our intimacy, our closeness, our connection, now more than the sex. Not that I want to do away with the sex, but the closeness is soo good!

P.S. please don't tell anyone, it will ruin my image!

Three Day Weekend

2007-04-17T07:20:00.000-05:00

Well, not really. But we did have a nice weekend, it was our anniversary, been over 20 years. On one hand seems like forever, on the other, seems like yesterday. Saturday had a good day, stuff in morning and then the kids were out and about and we had the afternoon and evening by ourselves. Had lazy early dinner around 4 at restaurant. Had some engaged conversation, was good. She says that if she chooses to do it, it should be her way only and I totally agree, she says I must be "topping from the bottom." But she skirts around "formally" taking control, hasn't said that this is now definitely in place. Now I know some of our Lady friends out there will take this opportunity to rake me over the coals, but, to me, I don't know why, but I need it formal. Not a contract or anything, but something clear and undeniable about our roles of her taking the lead and me choosing to follow. For some reason I cannot explain, it is vital to me that it is crystal clear. I can be submissive in whatever way she chooses to frame the dynamic, to not "top" from below, but the formality is so crucial. I asked her if she would consider writing down what she would want if she chose to formally become the leader and share it with me to confirm our roles. I know it sound like I am orchestrating everything, but I don't think I am, well, obviously I guess I am, but only to the formality of things, that's all I need.

Monday, she was off work, we did some things in morning and then had early lunch. We had options of different things after lunch, needed to get back to work but had to run some errands. I suggested a game plan of how to accomplish, she said not lets do it this way. I said okay and we did it her way. When we finally went to bed, we both mentioned how much we enjoyed hanging out together. She let me put lotion on her while she finished watching news. When she turned off news, I offered to do her entire body and she said okay. She laid on her stomach and I lazily put lotion on her entire body and followed up with light kisses from head to toe and back again. I told her that I could do this for another hour but I knew she needed her sleep and I should stop. She said it felt so good I could do it for another hour. I was, for whatever reason, in, probably what I have read as subspace, I was just totally overwhelmed with what I was doing, almost in a zone. Eventually even fell asleep almost on top of her before we woke up and I got up and got under the covers. It was so nice, so intimately close, for both of us.

still moving along

2007-04-12T07:02:00.000-05:00

Still in the midst of a tough month, some big things hanging over our heads, but we do have the important family things going our way. Obviously, last post was written during a real down time.

So, as far as FLR, still a work in progress, but a work nonetheless. And, it seems, we have other things that are in the forefront right this second. We are leaning on each other, there have been moments that tell me she hasn't abandoned the idea, so that is good.

We've had better weeks

2007-04-07T12:14:00.000-05:00

Been really a crappy week. I was out of town for three days but had to make a trip unexpectedly back for a stupid thing that is hanging over my head. She was helpful during that day but the event really sagged me, still does.

Since I got back on Wednesday night, she has been keeping her distance, maybe I am and she is responding in kind, I'm not sure. As far as our relationship dynamic, I came back really sapped and have not started doing all the things that I was doing. But, she has not indicated that it matters to her whether I do or don't anyway. She hasn't asked why I haven't kept up with all the things I have been doing to try and further our relationship. I'm really not sure she cares if I do or don't. All of our FLR stuff to date has been me doing them and since I was, she would have to try and work on her end. But, I suppose, if I am not first at doing it, she will not initiate anything,.... she has not made me accountable for my end of the bargain. I can understand giving me so slack since I have been depressed, but she must think this dynamic of our marriage only is in play when things are going good, that it is dependent on outside forces being in alignment, instead of it being a "lifestyle" during good and bad. When things get bad from the outside world, I tend to want to draw closer, to reinforce more what we are doing together as a couple that strengthens our bond, not less. Right now, the only good thing going is my relationship with her and our family. Business, life pressures are at all time highs. So, she feels cornered and it seems her inclination is to retreat and mine is to get closer. Sometimes, I feel like I am more a part of the problem than the solution with her.

But, in her defense, we have not been in a situation like we are in now. It is really hard. She is numb and I am really, really tired. So, even though I think I have the capacity to keep up with my end of the bargain, which I want to do, even though things are terrible, without her enforcing her role, making me accountable for my service and submission to her, it makes it easy for me to get lazy and I'm not sure she cares. Maybe that is easier for her, it is one less thing she has to worry about, especially since it does have a sexual component. But sometimes I think that really isn't a great litmus test, if when things are bad from the outside world, you abandon your relationship work.

But, I can't really judge her during this time. I am probably overreacting, which I have a habit of doing. Pressure tends to exaggerate and inflate situations, and we are certainly under all time high pressure. So, I guess we are just in a "day to day" mode.

grinding through

2007-03-29T11:47:00.000-05:00

Just getting through week, both going at it pretty hard, lots of things pressing, trying to squeeze some quiet time together. She said we might talk tonight, she has emailed a friend about some advise on some items and wants to talk. I am looking forward to it. We have both been exhausted but she doesn't have to work tomorrow, so maybe she will allow (or demand!) some "servitude" out of me tonight, before/during or after we talk. If not, is okay, just talking will be fine. I am again bursting with submission, so, whatever she wants, she will get!! I hope she will allow herself the non pressured pleasure.

weekend talking

2007-03-25T12:37:00.000-05:00

Having a good weekend, doing some chores around house. We are both a little worn out from the week, so Saturday was a lazy day. But, we did do some relaxed talking.

One point that came up was her confusion on the "praise" as she calls it. She seems to think that I need constant reinforcement in terms of "way to go, you are great, you are the best." Kind of like what you would hear at a t-ball game. I tried to explain, that for whatever reason, the reinforcement that I desire is not rooted in that. It is rooted in the mindset that I have chosen to submit to her and that she is able to direct me using that submission as the motive. I don't necessarily want her to just randomly order me around all day. I want situations that flex the Dominant/submissive muscle that is in our relationship. Yes, I enjoy helping out and making her life easier with the mundane tasks, the fun tasks we now do together, trying to please her in little ways.

But, as Ken on Around Her Finger said, ....."The need to be reminded of his submissive role is an integral component of male desire to submit to female authority. It is part of his hardwiring and cannot be short-circuited. In and of itself it accounts for much of the pleasure he derives from being dominated by her. " and .................. "understanding that the psyche of a submissive male is such that it needs reinforcement. This is not to say he needs convincing that his role should be that of the submissive. Not in the least. A submissive male merely wants positive affirmation that he will be dominated and is expected to submit. "

Another wise Lady said "Everyone needs a bit of praise from time to time, but it took me a while in the beginning to realize just how much more intensely words of encouragement and appreciation mean to many submissive fellas. Even more than that, I think, is how much hearing the assertion of my control means."

So, we chat some about how that can happen. Certainly overt sexual things can do that, but it can also manifest itself in non sexual things throughout the day. But, I am having a hard time explaining it in a way that she understands the nature of my mindset in this whole submissive scenario.

So, we enlisted some help with an email, I am thankful she is really trying to understand it and am excited about where we are in our relationship. I am trying hard not to pressure her about it, but to just let her understand the mindset and then she can do whatever she wants. I want to submit to her, I want her to use, perhaps even exploit that submission, but it is not some vision of her I have created that I want her to fulfill. I want it to be her "Domination", not my creation.

So, if anyone has any pearls of wisdom any examples in your relationships, on trying to get her to understand the concept, send them on!!

2007-03-23T10:28:00.000-05:00

Well..... she was tired again last night, may have a little bug that is running her down. She wanted to sleep on couch while I watched some basketball but I convinced her to go to bed. I went with her, did a little hair brush, spent a few minutes just rubbing her back and top of legs, put a little soft music on and covered her up. She slept like a rock.

This morning, she called while I was cleaning up the kitchen. She could hear the clanging of dishes and asked me two questions that confused me. "Do you like doing the housework because you like doing it or do you do if for me? Sometimes I feel like I am lazy because I don't have to do anything at home." I answered, "well, both sort of. I don't mind doing the housework and since you are busier than me now, it seems logical. When things ramp back up on my end, I will probably still want to do it. And two, yes I like doing it for you." I tried to explain further and she cut me off. Sometimes she thinks I use every opportunity to drive home the Female Led mantra to her. I really don't think I do and I even asked her if I was putting too much pressure on her and she said no I was not. However, it is my nature to blast away on a concept to her and she gets overwhelmed, again, don't think it is happening here, but I always need to be aware. But, there is some hidden agenda to those two questions that I don't think I will get without another female perspective chiming in to educate me. So, if any of you ladies have a guess, feel free to ponder.

One more thing we discussed. I have told her that my masturbation days are over, that she is "in control" of my orgasms. Now, if it was earlier in our marriage, when I did self serve quite frequently, , she really didn't like it,... put up with it,.... kind of pretended I didn't do it,.... would have preferred that I didn't do it. Now I am not doing it, she does not like the fact that I say "she controls" my orgasm. I told her that I thought it was a pretty special gift for me to give her and that it is made better by her acknowledging it verbally with me. But, somehow, that is a tough one for her. Again, I am convinced it is rooted in some realm of womanhood that I am not privy too. I would love to know the answer, but again, as a dude, I don't see what the issue is. As I mentioned to her, a lot of the joy I get as being her submissive is how things are framed, the overall guiding perspective of the actions I do for her and her response to them, as well as the things she does for me. So, somehow, the perspective of why I do the dishes and the limits on my self pleasure is not quite in its proper place for her yet.

I enter quicksand easily. On one hand I am always trying to anticipate her wishes and acting on them, on the other hand, when I try to use my intuitive knowledge, I hit the roadblock of trying to figure out what goes on in a womans head. She doesn't understand why I as a male, like things framed a certain way and I don't understand why as a female, she likes things framed a certain way.......................Arrrrghh, I'm getting my headache again.!!!!!!!!!!

But, it is all good. She knows that I am sincerely trying, it is rooted in me trying to put her wishes ahead of mine. Because of the sincerity of my actions, she is willing to try on her end. So, net result, we are having fun on this journey together!

darn

2007-03-21T22:36:00.000-05:00

Well, my chattiness last night has nipped me in the rear. She is exhausted tonight and hit the rack around 10pm. In times past I would have pointed out that she said last night that tonight would be a good night. But, I know she is tired and I would rather sacrifice quantity for quality. ............ Not exactly my M. O. in times past, as a young pup, I would take any and all opportunities, even if by nefarious methods. But, don't think it is a Female Led mindset that allows a postponing, probably just maturity.

As we were on separate couch's earlier, she said, " it seems like you are bored with tv and just waiting for me to order you around, I don't know how to respond to that." I told her, "my being submissive to you is there all the time and if you did order me, I would jump. I am not too interested in what is on tv, but I am just trying to be cognizant of your wishes, so if you don't need anything, that is okay." I assured her that I was not meaning to make her uncomfortable and she said ok, good. She then announced she was going to bed.

Not a big deal, she is tired. I am not wanting any kudos from her, I was just doing the respectful thing, hope she understands. Hope She sleeps soundly and gets good rest (yes, for her health, but also so she has some stamina tomorrow to use and abuse me!!!)

She asked again how to get to this blog. Asked me if it was okay to read it, that she wouldn't if I didn't want her to. I said, yes, of course she can read it, she can even post things if she wants to. I have to strike a balance of writing what I want without it seeming like an underhanded way of getting her to do what I want. Don't know the formula for that, so will just try and keep it uncomplicated from my end and just write what is on my mind.

Take a look at Mrs. Claudia's post for Wednesday on "Starting a FemDom Marriage." Nice perspective. I for one find it pretty easy to be chivalrous to my Wife and all Women. Perhaps it is the Southern upbringing but I have found it to be ramped up now with other Women since I strive so hard to be my Wife's knight. I would add though, that it is still vitally important to the submissive that the one in "authority" be there from a formal agreement of roles by both, as well as the regular reinforcement, both verbal and physical, of that arrangement by the Dominant one. The D/s roles are muscles which need to be exercised daily for both, or else one of those muscles becomes stronger than the other and resentment can fester. Not saying resentment is festering in our marriage, it isn't. But suppose it could over a long period of time if only one of us was working at our roles. Another good read is http://msrika.com/tvd.htm .

nice night

2007-03-21T06:48:00.000-05:00

I gave her a list of bills that are coming up. I have already asked that she take the reins in the financial arena and I think she will do it. She saw a deficit coming up and got worried. I should have told her that those kind of deficits are what I had to deal with for 20 years, but that somehow we get by everytime. But, it will take some experience for her to be able to keep the emotional financial lion in its cage and only let it out when she opens the door. Most times the lion just roams around her day, I hope she can learn to cage it. We'll be fine.

She went to watch a show and came home around 10pm. I was "bursting" with submission, if that makes sense. I finally asked her if I could rub her feet while she was watching tv. She said yes, I asked her if she wanted to move on the couch to be more comfortable. She said she was quite comfortable and that I could get on the floor. I think she knew it would get to me, which it did and even now I am smiling. After the news came on, I asked her if I could stop with the foot worship and head upstairs for a shower. She said, "No, not yet." After a few more minutes, she said I could go and shower. It is probably not possible for her to know what just those two things meant to me. I really like being under her "umbrella," know that sounds corny and not meant to be unmanly, I just love being under her spell and her using that spell on me. It is kind of like another fella said when his wife was playfully interacting with him while doing yardwork,........... "But the more I think about it, the most stimulating aspect was that she was participating in something sexual within the realm of her position in a wife-led marriage. And I'll tell you, it kept my motor running until, well it's still running."

I know tonight a couple of her favorite shows are on, I wonder if she will allow herself pleasure by using me, both in the family room and later.

After the shower, she allowed me to kiss her whole body, eventually getting to her "center" orally, to which I hit the home run and she had the big "O". She serviced me some orally (she does love my manhood) and generally caressed me then announced that she was saving my cum for tomorrow night. She asked me to lightly caress her back until she fell asleep. I need to work on that, I was chatty and generally emotionally excited. I kept spooning her tight, I wanted to be inside her skin, and not just sexually. I chatted too long, I couldn't help it. I need to work on ending things when she wants to, she needs more sleep than I do. It was so good, I really appreciate her trying, I know it is work for her but I hope it is getting easier as time passes.

oops.

2007-03-20T09:59:00.000-05:00

I hit the alarm and settled back into the covers. Mistake. she rustled a little while later and quickly got out of bed. I eventually got up after she was showered. I told her, "please don't be mad, I did hear the alarm," half joking of course. It does happen and she knows that 9 times out of 10, I am good about getting her up in plenty of time and I think she gives me plenty of grace. But, I did feel badly about it. She said jokingly, "you want me to be mad don't you?" Well...... maybe.

I was in a funk last night, wasn't too cooperative, though I tried. But, we did have a nice family outing and bite to eat. I did wait for her to go to bed and applied the lotion, want her to know that even though in a funk, I still desire to submit to her, sometimes more really. Over weekend, there were a few times she asserted herself. One time, we were on couch channel surfing, well, me anyway. She got tired of it and told me to give her the remote, with a look like she meant it and was going to see if I complied. I did. We had a minor disagreement later. She wanted to sit on couch and us watch some tv and a movie, with her leaning against me. That is great, but she cannot watch tv with any distractions. So, me trying to get a little frisky was out of the question. Heck, even me playing with her hair is a distraction. I said, "what am I, just a beanbag? I have to sit perfectly still?" I don't want to have sex or get spanked or anything, but a "little movement would not be too bad," I said. But, on reflection, I am going to get better. It makes her feel good to sit next to me and I have decided that is enough. I will be a beanbag if she wants, it does mean something to her to just be close and I realize it now. Now, maybe during commercials.........

I also did a pretty good "oops" at the tail end of our session the other night. Not going to say what it was, all you women out there will collectively nail me. Suffice to say, I, in a moment of weakness, acted like a man. It won't happen again.

I miss her, can't wait to see her tonight, wonder what kind of mood she will be in, wonder if she will be assertive and comfortable with my submission, wonder is she will use and exploit me. If she does, she does, not my place to give her hints, want it to happen because she wants it to. She looked good again leaving, heck, she looks good all the time.

cat's out of the bag

2007-03-19T07:45:00.000-05:00

A good weekend, Friday night she was kind enough to allow us a nice time together. She was horny and I did my best, though we did have to use one of her battery operated friends to help her get where she wanted. But that was after a great time of sex where she was kind enough during the session to apply her hand to my backside a few times. It wasn't too much, I think with the kids around, she is pretty subdued with it. I offered to get a belt for her, I think it is less work on her, plus it feels just bad enough to be good. But, it is a little loud, though not as loud as her hand. I don't think she likes using a belt, prefers using her hand, but it hurts her hand more than it should, so, would love to find a tool she is comfortable with. I mentioned a wide hairbrush a couple of days ago, but don't think she remembered. I don't know why I like for her to spank me, it sounds weird, but I feel so submissive, I crave it at almost any time, in or out of the bedroom and for her to bring it in or ask me to go get it, adds to the submission.

Sunday, she finally read some emails I sent to her a couple of weeks ago. She has been real busy. I also gave her the recorded Confessional tape from Around Her Finger. She took a couple of hours to digest some information and I did give her this blog site and tools for posting on this blog. She read it, I think all of it, but not entirely sure. She was going to post something, but when she was working on it, it got busy around the house so she had to abandon it.

She did like the sites listed here, especially Lady Julia's, loved the pictures and poetry.

I love being part of the plan

2007-03-17T10:29:00.000-05:00

She told me early last week, that each night, she wants me to put lotion on her hands and feet every night as a "moisturizing plan" for her. Before that comment, I would always try to kneel beside the bed on her side, since putting lotion on is easier for my back when I kneel. Plus, I love the servitude stance on kneeling. But, until that time, she has felt wierd when each night I would be on my knees without a reason. Now there is a reason, each night I am there and if she wants to continue the actions, she can, if not, she can say, "That is fine, get in bed."

This morning, she is doing some shopping. As usual, she was running a little behind. "you have two minutes to get lotion on my hands and feet, going from the knees down." "Yes Ma'am," I love being part of the plan.

Plus, since I am now such a "lotion" giver, my hands smell like gardenia all day. It reminds me of her.

mornings

2007-03-15T06:55:00.000-05:00

It's really funny. She is not a morning person, getting out of bed, though necessary, is still a violation. All I want in life is for her to love me as much as she loves the covers. But, it is totally unattainable.

The good news is that I can play around more since she is barely functioning. So, each morning I start off with calling her Master. I know she doesn't want that in our life, I don't either, it is an over the top joke about our D/s relationship. So, I call her that and she is so sluggish she just lets it go. This morning, I ran out early for her tea, came home, woke her up, carried her lifeless body (figuratively) to the shower, where she came to life after about 3 minutes of absorbing the hot water. When she got out, I put her in a chair, gave her the tea and a newspaper, blow dried her hair and put lotion on her feet and hands. I did it like a NASCAR pit crew, made it in record time, did not want to waste her time in getting to work. When done, I let her finish up on her own. If she called me back in, I would have sprinted back for service, but she didn't, likes a few minutes without me in her face to get ready........All in all, it is fun.

There is a double edged sword about the D/s that sometimes is hard to get. She wants hints on what I want because she doesn't understand it all yet but I feel if I give her hints, it lessens the submissive feelings I crave. For instance, I have been a little down the past couple of days, the world is kicking me pretty good. So, her natural inclination probably is to either give me space or pile on some niceness. And that is good. But sometimes, I want her to take me to another place that is not in this world (not literally of course). I want her to take me to the bedroom, be as demanding as possible, use and abuse me. I want to spend all that time serving my Queen, even if my Queen is just using me for sport and fun. For instance, I want her to sit in her chair, watch her favorite show while she is ordering me to rub lotion on her, give her a shoulder massage, brush her hair out and then, and when each commercial break happens, put me over her knee and spank me until the show starts again and then order me to resume the body worship. After her show, I then want her to do unspeakable things to me, the more the merrier, the longer the better. I want to be her whore and slut. I don't want to think, I want to do or have something done to me. I want to get to that trance like place where she is my only focus and not the worlds problems. .................But the rub is, if I gave her hints that that is what I need, then it is not as good because the big draw is that she is doing this of her own volition and not just playing out a script that I gave her. Net result, I want her to think of the service of me to her, and the unspeakables, and to know the motivation behind me wanting all of this. But she has no clue yet the "whys" or the "hows" to get there. But that is not her fault, she is trying, it must be hard to understand everything from a "Dominants" viewpoint when trying to do things for the "submissive." Sometimes it probably doesn't make sense, trying to understand that her doing things selfishly, demanding, bitchy, is what I need, not the nice things one would naturally assume to be in order for someone down in the dumps.

So, of course, this D/s is just as hard for the D, sometimes probably harder, than it is for the "s." The "s" just does the things, the D has to mastermind the whole event.

It is three things, one I want her to read my mind so she can really do what I need. Two, if she really could read my mind, she might find out what a creep I really am and kick me to the curb. And three, the times that I want these are only times I need some extra loving attention, all the rest of the time I just want to serve her and that pleasure is enough for me.

The tables have turned. In past, I was supposed to know what she wanted without her actually saying it. Now, it is 180 degrees the other way, she should know what I want without me actually having to say it.

Why can't it be easy!!!!

ramblings

2007-03-13T07:41:00.000-05:00

One of the things that I have read and have mentioned to her, that we think is really a stretch, is the notion that women, just by virtue of their sex, are better than men. I think a lot of women particularly do not agree with this assessment, certainly my wife. It devalues her if she thinks she married someone that does not measure up to an ideal that she set for a husband. If she thought I was a bum (which, by the way, most times I am), she never would have married me. Further, how does one describe the definition of "better," what makes one sex better than the other, what makes one person better than the other? The definitions really are not measure able, so it becomes a moot argument. If you drew a line down the middle of a piece of paper and put strengths on one side and weaknesses on the other, then maybe one can make a comparison. Based on that comparison, I do believe that my wife is "better" than me because I believe that her "net" between her strengths and weaknesses are higher than my net. But, I do not necessarily think that it is because she is simply a woman and I a man. My "net" is pretty high also, I betcha I am "better" than alot of women I know and it wouldn't surprise me if many men had a higher "net" than my wife. But, where the rubber hits the road, in our relationship, is that fortunately alot of her strengths are where I have weaknesses and alot of my strengths are where she has weaknesses. Unfortunately, it took me 20 years of being in charge for me to understand that a Loving Female Led relationship, for us, maximizes the combination of the two of us. It makes the two of us together greater than the sum of the two of us. I was in charge for 20 years and screwed things up. Dr. Phil says the best predictor of future events is past events. So, trying to be a wise person, evaluating the past, just like we do in business, the realization is clear that she needs to run the household, we will be better off in another 20 years if she is running things instead of me. Does that make me a wimp to let her lead, don't think so, it makes me wise I think. By looking at all the variables and coming to a prudent conclusion, we have a sound plan for the future. Now, all I have to do is convince her!!! This is not exactly the marriage model we grew up believing.

Embracing the inherent differences in women and men, one comes to this understanding. If a man is leading a woman, the woman does not want to "feel" like she is being led, but that she is coerced to come to the same decision as the man. She doesn't want to be told what we as a couple are doing, she wants to be nudged into the same decision that the man has already made in his head. Actually, most men will make the decision regardless of whether the woman has objections, because why, he is the boss. And just like in business, a boss lots of times is on "an island" and has to make alot of the hard decisions by himself. regardless of input from those underneath him. That is the way we guys are, .......we follow orders and give orders,.............. is really cut and dry, not much room for interaction from anyone. Is that strength of men? I don't think so, I think a wise man does try to gain insight from others in an important decision, but most of us are not sensitive to this concept.

When a woman leads, she seeks input from others, wants a consensus. She can make the hard decisions, ones she knows will not please everyone, she knows the buck stops with her, but she does try and get involvement.

So, when I, as a man, seek to submit to my wife, I want to do it in an authoritative kind of way. Your the boss, I will give you input if you ask for it, but at the end of the day, your the boss and my job is to do what you say and to make you look good..... Period...... Whats next. ..That is why the verbal ques that Lady Julia was talking about are so important to a guy. We don't want to be nudged, we feel better when things are direct and straightforward. We want our boss (in this instance our wife) to know that we are obedient, loyal soldiers in our army. I will give you my input on matters because I think I have valuable insights, but, at the end of the day, I have chosen personally for you to be the leader...........I know you will make bad decisions but I also know you will make good decisions and ultimately, we will be in a better position when all is said and done.

The kicker though is this. Whereas in a typical business situation, the submissive is paid by the boss in dollars. You get a paycheck. That makes it all worthwhile. Unfortunately, some women, including my wife right now, do not understand that the compensation for me submitting to my boss (her) is not dollar currency, but sexual currency. The more you exploit, use, command, tease, spank us, especially from, but not necessarily limited to, a sexual standpoint, the more we will follow your lead. Hey, I know that we men are pigs, but that is the payoff. Further, we would rather be paid a little bit, all the time, instead of a lot at one time. Exploiting us several times a day for a week is better than nothing all week followed by a great sexual session on Friday night. We definitely want the big session, but also crave the little ones along the way.

I married her for alot of reasons, but one of the reasons is I think she is the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world. No other woman can get me going like her. She consumes my sexual imagination. But, she also hides it from me, doesn't use it for or against me, she thinks that she can only bring out that tiger sporadically, that good girls do not overtly exercise that mindset. But, and I have mentioned this to her before, whether she thinks it is out there or not, her sexiness is out there anyway, even when she doesn't think she is exercising it. Last night, our 18 year old daughter came in with a girlfriend of hers, We were at our sons school ball game and the girlfriend mentioned that John, an 18 year old friend of theirs, thought my wife was "hot." I have mentioned to her many times that she has infamous "it." Now, oc course "it" is hard to define, but she definitely has "it." People are drawn to her, with and without her sexualness. But she suppresses, for whatever reason, her sexualness, especially with me. An example, when she showers in the morning, I am usually around. I get up earlier and am up and running, but I am a pig and I like to go in when she is getting ready, I like to see her naked body, I love to see her blow drying her hair, putting on makeup, lipstick, etc. But, when I am in there, she thinks nothing sexual, she is just getting ready for work and just happens to be naked, it's just a part of life to her.......I mean, to her, she has to get ready for work! what is the big deal? I would love for her to say, "come blow dry my hair," knowing that it is a sexual turn on for me, while all the time I am blow drying, she has a wandering hand that is groping my crotch and playing with my nipples, telling me the whole time how she knows that I am pussy whipped by her and she loves just teasing me. Multiply that type of thing a couple times a day, and that is the currency that we want to be paid in. Know it sounds stupid, but it is the truth, I think anyway.

She still hasn't mentioned reading the blog again, will not make a hint, want her to want it.

Sorry for long winded diatribe. Not meaning all is not good, all is, she is engaged I am just trying to seduce her dominance by my submission.

She put her lipstick and sunglasses on inside before she went to the car. She looked so good I almost lost it! She probably doesn't even know the effect it had on me. Imagine if she did and did that knowing and commenting on how lucky I was to have such a "hot" wife!! ....... that would be something!

weekend

2007-03-12T09:38:00.000-05:00

after she came home from a couple hours, she was happy to see that we did get some work accomplished around the house without her instead of just lounging around and then getting to work when she got home (our former way of doing things we are not too keen on doing). But, got some help from kids, got some things busted out before she got here and then continued Sat. afternoon and most of Sunday doing things around and outside of house. I think she appreciated that I was engaged and doing things even though it was things I really don't like to do. But, I was happy that it made her happy.

Saturday evening, she let me do some things to her and then ordered me to do her. She has been having some issues inside her that make intercourse not the greatest thing in the world to her, but she said there is nothing like having me do her, hearing my breathing change and ultimately coming in her. I, of course, want to make her happy, so I obliged :). She even, while I was in her said, "you like the way that I just ordered you to fuck me instead of you just fucking me don't you!" "Yes, very much." I made a point of really trying to cuddle with her afterward, something that in past was not easiest thing to do, but now I try hard to because I know it makes her happy.

Sunday was work in yard and I think she enjoyed doing a little ordering of me. In times past, when I have reached critical mass with not wanting to do anymore, I would retreat and head inside while she piddled for a while. This time I made sure she was done with me and asked if we were done. She told me to do about another 10 minutes of work, work I would have postponed before, but I put my head down and did it. I think she noticed, maybe was even testing me a little to see if I would do it. But, I did, was pleased that I did too.

I asked her if when our work situation stabilized, if she would be willing to take a 1/2 day off each week and just hammer out the bills and mail. It is something I am horrible at and I know she can do a much better job. She said she would absolutely love to do this. I am looking forward to that immensely.

I asked her if I did good this weekend. She said she must not give me enough praise. I said that is not it, just for some reason, I like to hear her acknowledge what I have done. Just a reminder from her verbally goes a long way. She doesn't quite understand that yet. Not that I was a "good little boy" but that she appreciated that I tried to make sure she was in charge and that I was obedient to her wishes.

She sort of asked me if I was happy that I came on Saturday. I avoided the questions, she asked while a bunch of other things were going on and I wasn't sure of the answer but would give it a shot if she asked again, which she didn't. My answer is yes, I was happy, but I hope she understands that it doesn't mean I am not eager to be submissive afterward, or the day or two afterward. I want to get back on the horse as soon as possible so she knows that my attentiveness toward her does not wane when she allows me release.

Would love to have comments from those who wish too. Getting others perspective is really great. At some point, I imagine she will ask about this blog again and I will suggest that she read and post anytime she wants to.

still good

2007-03-10T11:40:00.000-05:00

last night, she didn't feel too well. So I just took the opportunity to be unselfish and offered to just rub her back and such until we fell asleep. I know it is strange for her, I have literally told her in the past that just naked cuddling and caressing gets me so turned on that I want to finish. Now I am asking her to let me do it just as an act of loving kindness without a need for reciprocation. She must be confused, I would be. Which does she believe? I guess my answer is go with what is happening now.

I told her I was doing a blog. She asked what was the name...."frustrated sub?" I didn't take offense, thought it was funny. She asked when she got to read it. I told her I wasn't sure. I don't know why I told her. I think ultimately I would love for her to post comments here also, seems like it would be a great way of communicating. I will wait and see how motivated she is to seeing it, not sure it will come up again, sometimes "out of site, out of mind."

I am happy, we are closer than ever before, I feel a real strong bond and I wish she would accept, use, exploit and understand my "servitude." She's working at it and that is good.

She had to go in for a few hours today, again, she looked real good!

nice evening

2007-03-09T14:10:00.000-05:00

Had some more conversation before work, nothing deep, but about LFA. Tonight was really good. When we went to bed, we just lounged around on bed, caressing, talking. I told her that yes visually we guys are definitely turned on but that it is a huge turn on from an audio standpoint as well. Not the moans and groans of great sex, though that is great, but the words she uses when she is consciously referring to LFA items is a major reinforcer and it is important to hear her talk as if she is in authority or that I (or my body) are her personal possession. She kind of understands the authority babble I gave her, but she didn't exactly say that my manhood belonged to her, thought that was weird. Oh well, we made a joke about it and moved on, wasn't a big deal, frankly it does sound stupid, but it is the mindset that is the fun part.

It was nice, very relaxed, enjoyable for both. She did not want anything sexually done to her but she did fondle my goods and played with my nipples (which is a huge turn on) the whole time. After about 30 minutes, she said that was enough and time for sleep. I told her everything in me is raging but I will show her how good I am getting at this and we drifted off to sleep (well, she did anyway) with our arms and legs intertwined.

Today as you can imagine, I am thinking of her a bunch. Wondering if we are going to have any fun time tonight.

late night talking

2007-03-08T09:17:00.000-05:00

when we were in the bedroom, she said that it has been about 4 days since my last "release" and that she really wasn't in the mood but she would let me have a release if I wanted. I told her, if it is my choice, I choose not to tonight. She had a hard time understanding. I told her, in a perfect world, I would love to be able to give her a release every night and she give me one every 4-5 days. She said that is contrary to everything I have said in all the years of our marriage. It is true, I understand how she can be confused.

So, last night turned into an hour long conversation. she still thinks I am trying to manufacture some kinkiness, she recognizes she is "vanilla," but does not think that is a problem. I agree, it is not a problem, I told her I want her to be the most she can be, this whole lifestyle is about her being just that. I don't want her to be something she is not, I want to submit to her in all her personal glory, but it does take some action on her part. I told her she just doesn't understand the whole dynamic of it, she says she does understand and that I just say she doesn't understand because she is not doing it the way I want her to. Maybe she is right, I really don't think so, but am trying to reflect personally on my end to try.

Again, she is a great person, is trying and we just have to realize that it is a work in progress and she is working at it and I am thankful for that, so all is good.

some talking

2007-03-07T09:08:00.000-05:00

I have been trying to be respectful, she is still kind of, don't know, blue maybe. So, trying not to do anything to make matters worse, trying to show support by being close but not in her face. So, when she is leaving for work today, she asks me what is the matter. I told her she seems like she has a rain cloud over her head (like the cartoons) and I was just attempting to be supportive. She thinks it is a scheme or something. "What do you want?" she says. " I don't want anything." "It has been real busy hasn't it?" "I said, yes, but I am never too busy to think of you."

She didn't take too kindly to that. She compartmentalizes. There is work, kids, social, parents, husband, etc. She does not integrate them unless she needs too. So, the husband usually takes the backseat unless the husband fusses, which I didn't. But by me trying to be respectful, she senses resentment. So, if I am in her face, she complains, if I keep my distance, she complains. She said, "you are so much work." Wow, I have dedicated my life to serving her and when I retreat out of respect for her feelings, I am too much work. I told her to have a good day and just walked back inside (I always walk her to the car when she leaves).

This morning, I as usual took the kids to school while she sleeps, stopped by her favorite drink place and got a "designer tea" for her, came back to house, made her a poached egg, took her the drink and egg for breakfast, started on some laundry, and all this before 8am. But, somehow I am too much work. Holy moly.

But, it is not fatal, in fairness to her, she is that way. It is not a bitchy way, she just is the sort of person that only attacks what is in front of her for the moment. So, unless I make a point of being in front of her, I am behind whatever is in front of her. Not the end of the world, she is just that way. I just keep plugging away, she is a good person and I suppose sometimes it takes the crappy days to make the good days that much better. Marriage is work sometimes.

car dealership

2007-03-06T08:43:00.000-05:00

I followed her to the car dealership. We were going to drop off her car for some diagnostics and I was going to take her to work. On the phone the dealership told me it would be $22.95 for the diagnostic but when in the service bay the advisor said it would be $99.00. I initially fussed with the advisor for a second but my wife jumped in and said "wait a minute, you told him on the phone yesterday $22.95 but now your telling us $99, which is it?" The advisor said the person on the phone yesterday must have made a mistake, it is $99. She said then, "well, I am not spending $99 right now, I will have to come back some other time." They chatted a couple more lines as I just faded into the background.

I don't remember another time where in the presence of both of us she used the "I" pronoun instead of the "we" pronoun, not even sure she remembers doing it. But it was nice to see her confidence.

We are going through a tough time with our business. So, last night, she was in a depressed, kind of in an overwhelmed state of mind. In times past, I would just try and get into her space and try to coax a smile or joke out of her. But, with the "new me," I sensed she didn't need that, she needed to vent and respond in her own way. So, around 10pm, I asked her if it would be allright for me to just go and shower and get in bed. She said okay, I did, she eventually came to bed and I tried not to bother her. It was not easy but I felt it the right thing.

I know I am impatient at times, wish she would just formally acknowledge and go headlong into teasing/denial, corporal activities and other things, instead of just once in a while, but I have come to realize that she needs to get there in her own time, not artificially manufactured by my little hints and such A fellow on another page said it best.

The last thing I would say is that men tend to be highly impatient when it comes to wanting things how they want them. Getting to a FLR is a process. Allow it to unfold and maybe take some time to marvel at witnessing her coming into her own...and if you take a minute, marvel at your own unraveling as you let go of control.

Maybe she will call today just to have a little playful, sexual banter, to reinforce to me how I think she is wonderful and that she knows I think she is wonderful .........and not for us to try and solve all the worlds problems. She looked so good when she left this morning. I doubt it will happen, but there is always hope.

buddy

2007-03-05T09:18:00.000-05:00

forgot to mention. I have asked her if she would think up a name for me that she would use that would be our signal that she is thinking of a Female Led relationship. I have tried to call her Mistress or Madam or Princess but she has squashed those, they sound too silly to her. So, I call her "Dear"........yes Dear, I will....... But, she thought of some but we never really hit on any. I asked her to call me Sweetie but she said she sounds like a waitress doing that and doesn't like it. However, I noticed a couple of times in the past month that she used "buddy" when she talked to me. I liked that! Kind of reinforced that submission thing. So, I made the blog with that in mind. I am her "buddy"! But, alas, when I asked if that was a name she could go with, she said no, it doesn't quite sound right to her. So, back to square one, but she is trying, so that is good.

first post

2007-03-05T08:56:00.000-05:00

Okay, first post, don't know why I am blogging, never have, but here goes.

Around Thanksgiving, after hitting and studying some of the Wife Led websites, I became very interested in the dynamics. It seemed to hit home in every aspect of my inner feelings. I have always been enamored with females, especially my wife. We have mentioned on many occasions through the years that "I have a crush" on her. Honestly, sometimes it seemed overwhelming to her. For me, in learning the Female Led way, it seemed to have all the pieces fit together in a way that I could "serve" her. I felt like I was always trying to do things for her but did not know why......this gave me a game plan that I thought would be beneficial for both. I love doing things for her, always have, she on the other hand does not think quite so giving. She is, just not her nature to pick something up for me while out and about, but I seem to have the knack.

Anyway, I found enough nerve to talk to her about this, it was a real stretch for me and I was not sure how she would handle it. She took it in stride, but was extremely skeptical, it seemed like another one of my "grand" plans to spice up our sex life. But, she could not discount the behaviours I had exibited through the years did seem to match up with the basic tenants of this lifestyle. She agreed to "not discount it" but it was not an overwhelming acceptance.

So, it has been a slow process, I am hoping that just through my unconditional consistency she will formally agree to become the "head of our household." She has not as yet but I believe she is getting closer.

After 4 months of consistent actions on my part, though, sometimes it is frustrating. In fits of exasperation I have mentioned to her that I cannot believe she does not fully embrace this lifestyle, the benefits to her are so many and so good. Not counting the fact that I do not pressure her for sex anymore, just the level of unabashed communication that we share now is totally off the charts, never been so open with her and she with me. But, she still has this "it must be too good to be true" mentality coupled with the "I am waiting for the other shoe to drop" mindset. So, I just stay focused and from my end, hoping that the layers of doubt she has will be stripped away one at a time.

So, we have had times that were good, times that stroked my submissive desires. But, she has not yet learned totally that I crave her "authority," that not just doing things for her but the fact that she expects me to do things for her is just as important as the task itself.

So, will keep at it, maybe post when I feel like it, it seems to help to write things down perhaps.